Lolita Charm

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Under the Parasol: The Growing World of Cute Fashion

It's been evident in the Japanese fashion world for some time now. Whether you get your fashion fix on Tumblr, reading Kera, Alice Deco, or even the old staple Gothic and Lolita Bible, you've probably seen evidence that lolita, while still a strong backbone to the Japanese feminine fashion world, is not alone any longer. In the last year or two, lolita fashion has been joined by its new sisters in the cute culture: pop-kei, mori-girl, otome, dolly-kei, and various pop-loving forms of gyaru. While some styles are new on the scene, and some are old hands (the gyaru movement being one of the many big sisters of Japanese fashion, paving the way back in the day), there is one fundamental difference to our current fashion evolution: for the first time, it seems like the cute fashions of Japan are starting to blend.

Lolita fashion is well-known for not only its unique look, but also its unique spectrum of styles beneath the lolita banner: styles ranging as diversely from classic lolita in subtle browns and bordeaux to sugary pink sweet style and the crazy world of punk lolita. The many re-interpretations of lolita style meant that although the fashion is structured, there was 'something for everyone', so long as you could pick a flavor (or two), and according to the great gods of lolita, Kept Them Separate. Why? We're not sure exactly. For being rather open-minded people, lolitas tend to love labels. And names. And subcategories. And sub-subcategories. (Does anyone remember the term 'bitter-sweet lolita?' Sub-sub-sub!) I suppose it's simply part of our perfectionist nature rearing its head.

But recently that all began to change. In a chicken-or-the-egg scenario, lolita fashion finally started coming out to play with its sister styles. It's hard to say if this began with outside styles or blends within the substyle of lolita - whether the fairy-lolita came first, or the sweet-classic lolita, etc. I like to think that in Japan, girls simply pick out whatever things they love and find adorable and slap them into an outfit, without much thought for a label - though this might be fanciful thinking on my part. If you're in love with, say, punk studded belts and Angelic Pretty's newest pastel creation, and you can give them a twist so they work together, why not give it a go? Pairing odd combinations and themes and un-like things into one whole concept is the true recipe for pioneering fashion.

But what about 'the book'? What about the nay-sayers who may look at a coordinate and say with disgust, "Well, you can wear it if you like it, but just know it's 'not lolita'."? I recently had this conversation with a reader who felt the urge to tell me, nice try on ________ article, sweetie, but really, you've gotten this whole fashion wrong. When it comes to x style, you're just 'doing it wrong'. Well...

Why There's No Such Thing as 'Doing It Wrong'

I grew up in the 'lolita era' (2006! I feel old...) heavily influenced by the notion of 'doing it wrong'. When I was a young lolita, the general lolita communities had set me up with a puritanical fear of the lolita version of the fashion 'stocks' so to speak, known back then simply as 'lolita_fucks'. Girls were instructed with this community, bent on criticizing fashion don'ts (for those unaware, consider the Neighborhood Watch crossed with the fashion police), as well as the handbook and a series of instructive articles. Lolita fashion was something to be studied, and mastered, and a good by-the-book, community-approved outfit was graduation.

The notion behind this approach was purity of the style - the general fear was that lolita, a delicate flower, was an endangered species in need of preservation, particularly as we removed it to the reaches of the West. It seems rather an odd fear now, as lolita begins to expand and mix with its fashion relatives. What were we so afraid of? The sparse, once-in-a-blue-moon Hot Topic dress that looked like a bad gawth anime explosion? That lolita might become too 'westernized' if we let our socks slip an inch or two? Lil Mama, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga have all sampled the pink Koolaid, and the world did not end. Lolita, ever more resilient than we give it credit for, did not die out. In fact, I would say that lolita fashion's travels, expansions, and shoulder-rubbing with other styles have not weakened it, but made it stronger. Foreign lolitas, be they from Chile, or Sweden, or California, or Toronto, breathed new life into lolita than if it had stayed put in Japan. There is stronger love for the old style of lolita, and lolita has found stronger love in its new acolytes who are charmed with kitten-patterned tights from SPANK! and antique carpet bags from Grimoire.

Fashion is interpretative. Fashion is based on a concept, which each individual forms and interprets into something visual. Lolita fashion, for example, is based around the concept of a delicate, princess-like doll or maiden, with a fantasy bend. Mori-girl is based around the concept of a maiden living comfortably in the forest, with a rather whimsical, antique sense of wonderland. Pop-kei is based on the concept of LSD (I kid, I kid.) Fashion is a creative process, and like anything creative, cannot truly be standardized. We can set up guidelines and boundaries. If we choose, lolita can be no more than a coloring book - a route paint-by-number. But I think lolita fashion, and we, who love it, don't need to be content with that kind of self-imposed glass ceiling. Let's give lolita fashion credit for its resilience, its ability to grow and adapt and keep the same heart. But let's also give ourselves some credit - credit to our creativity, to trust ourselves and make great leaps of fashion faith.

Here's the truth about fashion (and blogging, and life, and everything else you'll ever need to do, really)... Great fashion requires balls. I'd like to be poetic and princess-ly and rephrase that, but there's no other way to say it. Julien at inoveryourhead.net said it best:

Your fashion choices, your words, your decisions – all need more BALLS.

You worry what people think about you because they won’t like you, or they’ll talk behind your back. But really, they’ll admire your courage and adjust just fine.

You’ll question yourself at the last minute, maybe think you’re crazy, but sometimes, you need to be uncomfortable and make mistakes. Jumping this far will give you the strength to jump further next time.

Sometimes, I like to think about all the people who almost made the right decision. They got to the edge and then just… stopped. These are the almost-Steve-Jobs, the almost-Vivienne-Westwoods, and the almost-MLKs. They all had very good reasons. There are millions of them, and you know none of their names.

Where are you right now? What is the worst case scenario? How likely is it? What about the best?

Either way, you’re going to be dead soon. You might as well do something fun, in the meantime.

At worst, you’ll laugh about it later. At best… well, you know.

Still on the topic of balls, here is a little more encouragement from Evbogue.com's 27 Reasons Why Your Blog Doesn't Deserve to Exist (about blogs, still applicable to fashion in this case):

Guess what, there are 1,971+ million people on the Internet.

Someone is going to hate what you’re saying in that mix. You’re going to get a lot of emails saying “why would you EVER do that amazing thing that I don’t have the balls to do?” [ ... ]

Instead, you’re trying to make all 1,971+ million people (including your mom) on the Internet happy, aren’t you?

Whenever I get the mental wail of 'but what will people think?!' playing on repeat in my head, I think about the above quote. Instead of doing something amazing, or what feels right, or what makes you happy, you're trying to people-please the entire world (basically, 1,971+ million people on the Internet, plus your mom for good measure). And suddenly, the idea of toeing the line and playing it safe seems ridiculous. And that's when I have the guts to pull on four rainbow petticoats, four-inch pink platforms, and top it all off with a miniature carousel on a headband.

And yes, some people may not like it. I'm not a huge fan of certain fashion styles myself. No one person is going to like everything. You're not required to like everything. But seeing as fashion is really an artistic process, and art is entirely subjective, there is no right or wrong. I'm not here to discuss the merits of petticoats versus not petticoats, or why we need to shun plasticky lace. We're not talking about bad cosplays gone wrong. We're talking about the freedom - and the evolution - to experiment with the fashion. To take liberties, and thus, perhaps, create something fresh and inspiring. So, here's your assignment: pretend you have no idea about labels and styles and subcategories. Take your inspiration and resources and clothing and accessories from absolutely anywhere and everywhere: the forest, or 80s cartoons, or Japanese claw machines, or your favorite vis-kei star, or wherever you find something that speaks to you. Blend well, and see what new flavors happen.

For all you girls (and guys) about to lace up your tea parties, or Doc Martens, or neon pink puffy hi-tops, walk out that door, and show the world what it means to be part of the street style movement, we salute you.

Announcement! Lolita Charm is in the process of moving house! Lolita Charm, at its Blogspot address, is moving to a new name and domain, powered by Wordpress. This move has been a long time in coming, and I will keep you updated on the specifics when the actual, final move occurs. This is why we've reverted to the native commenting system. The new site has a working commenting system, for any readers who know my struggle with that! - and is currently having all of Lolita Charm's old comments and articles completely transferred to the new site. When this is finished, I'll begin the process of changing over your subscriptions (through Google Friend Connect, if you're a Google follower), and I will be announcing the new site soon, perhaps within a week or so! So please bear with me and thank you very much for reading Lolita Charm! I very much hope you'll stay with the site as it turns to its newest incarnation!

Psst... if you found the new site already by accident (it's currently mirroring the articles), feel free to follow!

Labels: culture

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Lolita's Temptation

I've never been quite sure where I stand on lolita replicas. I own a few Bodyline knockoffs, such as Innocent World's puppy jumperskirt. All of my lolita-specific shoes are some kind of copy - I've never bought brand shoes before. Even my wonderful new boots (which I haven't taken off since! agh, so comfortable!) are really Chinese replicas of the infamous Doc Martens. But I always drew the line at bigger things, like replicas dresses and skirts, especially prints. Lately however, my resolve is wavering.

For one, replicas used to be lower in quality. Thin fabric, cheap lace and odd print placement were rampant. Some of the first Angelic Pretty skirt replicas were cute enough, but tacked with long strands of scratchy, 99-cent lace. Newer replicas have netlace that, while not being quite as delicately embroidered and logo-covered as the real thing, is soft and has a similar effect. Replica producers are even using leftoer fabrics and ribbons directly from the brand - it's not uncommon to see replicas that still bear the name of their ancestor, Angelic Pretty. These replicas wristcuffs even say Angelic Pretty, just like the real thing.

For another, it seems like brand competition is getting stiffer. Angelic Pretty's Twinkle Star bag sold out so fast I don't know a single person who got their hands on it. But to everyone's relief, replicas will be out soon from Chinese producers. Not only are they more affordable, but there's just more of them. Angelic Pretty and other brands have long focused on being 'exclusive' by, so it seems, undersupplying demand, causing sky-rocketing aftermarkets. There's even talk now of replicating the infamous Sugary Carnival, a print dress that still sells for aroud $400 - $500 dollars.

A few samples of the replica Twinkle Star pochettes. This replica does look a little off to me.

You can now get plenty of 'replica lolita' including:

skirts
dresses (jumperskirt and onepiece)
shoes
hairbows
wristcuffs
coats
purses

If you're on a fixed budget, or a new girl in love with brand but out of love with brand prices, this could be your best option. I consider replicas useful to my wardrobe especially if the original is sold out or no longer available. I also like to wear lolita fashion as much as possible, and lower-priced clothing or replicas are a great way for me to pad my wardrobe with pretty things, while saving money. The average brand lolita skirt, new, will probably cost about $180 or more depending on the current status of the yen. To have enough skirts to keep up a day-to-day wardrobe can be a wallet-breaking expense for many girls.

Several of my friends noted that replica brands will often make their items in 'bespoke' which means to your measurements. Brand again pulls the exclusivity card by selling one-size-fits-all... unless, of course, it doesn't fit you. Another friend mentioned that she'd rather by the real thing in the face of 'replica stigma', where you're looked down on for purchasing the knock-off and supposedly disrespecting the original brand name and designers.

While I was writing this article I ran across this video on the nature of fashion and copyright. I'm a business major eyeing the notion of eventually working in the fashion industry (marketing and sales, not design) and I gotta say this kind of thing fascinates me. It answers a lot of the questions lolitas have puzzled over as we look at first the original, then the replica, and back again.

I was amazed to see that replicas, what the speaker calls 'fast fashion' or part of the trickle-down fashion effect, are actually what starts trends. For something to be a trend, someone has to take a hefty amount of inspiration from someone else - something we often calls copying. And replicas lead to what we're seeing very commonly in lolita fashion - the 'democritzation' of fashion. If anything, the replica has helped spread the Angelic Pretty version of lolita over a further economic demographic, over further reaches, making them ever more the face of sweet lolita. The idea of Angelic Pretty's lolita - is that something we should consider a closed circuit, or should it be allowed to grow and expand? The idea of lolita originally came from the streets; much Japanese fashion still does, as we can see the forerunners of fairy-kei having their ideas produced into boutiques like Nile Perch and Spank!.

It all comes down to individual choice. But it is fascinating to see exactly how fashion circulates. Do replicas deserve their 'stigmas' if copying and inspiration are the powerhouses behind the fashion world to begin with? Is exclusivity something we should cultivate, or is it better to open up the world of lolita fashion to anyone who wants to enjoy the designs and beauty? Is copyright even going to be a lasting notion in a world increasingly based on free exchange of knowledge and ideas?

By the way - I've changed the commenting system to Disqus and it's being a glitchy right now. Even when it says 0 comments, they're just not registering on my Blogger template. So don't be afraid to leave comments! Hopefully they'll be working soon.

Labels: culture, discussion, shopping

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Blogging: The New 'Lifestyle' Requirement?

I read recently on a forum that lolita blogging or having a lolita blog is the new must-do for lifestyle lolitas. At the top of the ubiquitous list of 'what lifestylers do, those crazy pink princesses hopped up on Lucky Charms' was: write a lolita blog.

Is lolita blogging the new hot must-do for lifestylers? The blogosphere (the very tiny, frilly portion we lolitas have carved a niche into) has grown from its first tumultuous days, and new blogs pop up overnight. Girls are avidly taking outfit shots, talking about new prints, and puzzling apart the greater questions of our subculture. Some lolita blogs venture into realm of expressive photostories, or detailing their catalogs of Sanrio items. Whether blogs are personal or meant for a wider lolita audience at large, there's no doubt that they are currently changing the face of how lolitas communicate and network through the internet.

That doesn't sound so strange, does it? Lolita blogs are like any blogs - cute photos, some text, a couple of links. They're even what used to be considered community or forum content, before such things were dropping out of the forefront. All hobbyists like to talk about their hobbies. So why is it suddenly the newest gem in the crazy lifestyler crown? It's true that many lolita blogs seem to be in favor of lifestyle lolita - is it because the blogosphere finally gives lifestyler a place of their own, to express lolita in any way they like? Blogs are like tiny countries devoted to a personal opinion or overview, each with a particular feel and theme, where the 'crazy lifestyler' can set up a postage stamp-sized realm for her supposedly backwards little kingdom.

Or perhaps it's considered lifestyle because only lifestylers would put so much mental energy and focus on a catalog of posts? Is it considered 'lifestyle' to meditate on the fashion and question it, or fantasize about it, or evolve it? So many girls answer the question of why they like lolita with simply, "It's cute," or "The clothes make me feel happy." Too much philosophy or introspection on the topic will you get pegged as another crazy lifestyler. I was appalled to see one girl even say that 'lolita lifestyler' was shorthand for a vapid lolita princess-y blog about the love in your heart and no actual knowledge of lolita clothing. A passion for lolita and a desire to express it is considered unacceptable, a but simplistic or blind acceptance is preferable?

I've never really considered my blog - or any lifestyle blog - to be one of the great testaments of the lolita lifestyle. My blog is a summation of my thoughts, ideas, and experiences of and inside the wonderland of lolita fashion. It's my personal starship's log, but also a time capsule letter to anyone out there in space, reading. But it's more than that. It's not just a timeline of my experiences in lolita fashion. It's a tribute to my love and vision of lolita. It could easily have been in anything else - in diaries or artwork or photos. But this is the media and skills given to me in this age. I don't write my blog to keep up the grand stage-scenery illusion of my supposed perfect princess life. I think that is the crux of where lifestylers and those who stereotype them disagree. We both drape ourselves in the same fantastical fashions, and take our inspiration from the same sources. But somewhere there is a divide. Despite all the proof otherwise, the girls around them who honestly believe in this worldview... They still cannot believe there are people really like that fantasy. Girls who are really like that? No, that can't be. They must all be pretending, lying... and the lolita blog, a window into their lives and thoughts, must be just another elaborately-constructed marionette stage to convince us, thin as paper. I suppose that's what really gets me about the lolita lifestyle stereotype. Everyone is perfectly welcome to believe as they wish, and to disagree at that. It's not even that people who perpetuate the stereotype consider it all a joke, a ridiculous joke girls play on themselves. It's that the idea of a lolita lifestyle - and by extension the lolita blog in general - is all about convincing the skeptical audience.

I've come across this idea many times. The head of my dance department has openly questioned me in class as to why I would bother taking ballet, as my pink hair clearly begs for attention and I would do best to take theatre instead, where that desperate need could be quenched. I've been told that dressing differently or looking differently must be because I want the attention of the strangers around me. It's all about them, they constantly say to me. What you do is all putting on a show, so that you can have just another inch more limelight for your sorry ego. I object. My lifestyle - the choices I make in my life - are for me. The color of my hair, the hobbies I choose, what I decide to wear, and even what I daydream about - is all produced for the one second when a stranger will see me and make his judgement. Whatever box I have been placed in - freak, teenybopper, attention-seeker, delusional, or lying 'kawaii sparkle princess' - it was all meant for that moment. How presumptuous! One person's life created solely for the split-second entertainment of the other, a cameo appearance. It's really the ultimate display of ignorance.

Dalin of La Vida Frills offers her opinion on the sterotype of lolita blogging:

My opinion as someone who blogs about Lolita on a weekly basis and considers it a lifestyle, I'm not one that feels its something to be defined as a sterotype. Granted, maybe sometimes people can seem to find similarities and find that the inspirations from others create trends within the blogs themselves, but not one of us is exactly the same. Do I do things because of this fashion and only because the fashion drives me to? No. But, Lolita lifestyle has given me the push and drive to bring about the things that people once told me otherwise I couldn't be. Being the way I am now because of blogging and Lolita has given myself a new-found confidence in being alive and feeling it to. I don't blog really for the people who read the blog, I do it for myself. I prove the confidence I have now, and [it] gives me a chance to speak my mind when doctors told my mother that I would never be able to [speak], and to tell the people in my life that doubted my opinions.

For every lolita that blogs, with their unique thoughts and opinions, their lives and hobbies, that they bravely dare to express to the world at large: keep blogging, ladies! The world needs your tiny kingdom of daydreams.

Write your own lolita blog? Link in the comments! I'd love to see what you're all writing & daydreaming about.... what is your lolita love letter?

Want more about lifestyle lolita? Click the lifestyle tag! For this post especially, I also recommend the article Breaking Lifestyle Lolita Stereotypes.

Labels: culture, discussion, lifestyle

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Overdressed

In class the other day my economics professor was bemoaning the cultural loss of the suit and tie on campus (he's old-fashioned like that). My scholarly colleagues, of course, wore mostly T-shirts and jeans. I, the odd girl out, wore some semblance of casual lolita - skirt, blouse, but no elaborate hair or petticoats. After a few more wistful daydreams of the good ol' days, he slips in the kicker: "Enjoy the t-shirts while they last. It'll be suits and button-downs for you all very soon." Everyone felt the bittersweet taste of graduation in their mouths. College, with its laissez-faire, anything-goes style would not last for long. Some students in my academic hall (the School of Business) were already showing signs of transforming into grey and pinstripe butterflies - some young men in button downs and khakis, but mostly girls in razor-sharp point-toe pumps and black satchels, ominously ticking down the halls.

I finger my pink hair, looking down at my lap - corduroy printed in Innocent World's chocolate and almond Cinderella. The clock on my skirt struck midnight.

For many lolitas in high school and college, time seems endless. Caught in the limbo between the real world and childhood, in a place where freedom of expression has fewer restrictions, we become comfortable playing outside of the rules. Yes, there is the occasional disapproving adult or odd look, but mostly dress is free form. Plenty of today's youth have piercings, colored hair, crazy t-shirts, or even the proverbial college girl in cutesy sweats. Some girls even have the freedom to wear their jumperskirts and bows every day - a privilege I am lucky enough to enjoy, but don't take advantage of nearly enough. There are the days when I can't muster up the creativity to pair different colored hearts, or when I simply don't feel brave enough. I punk out with yoga pants, or skip the petticoat and curls for a coordinate that's kinda cute but I know doesn't make the cut. Simply put, it's easy to take my frilly freedom for granted.

Everyone has days like these. Late days, overslept days, too busy days, inappropriate days, hiding-out days. There's nothing wrong with a good batch of regular clothes to head to - the safety of a ponytail and the comfort of jeans. But they creep up on you. I didn't realize they had piled up myself until I was surfing the Internet, admiring girls in frills, and said wistfully, 'I miss dressing up like that...' That was my wake-up call. When I have the time, the ability, the freedom, I should make the most of it. I know there will be a day when my lolita time is limited to weekends and the odd outing, to large events like cons or Christmas tea parties. There will most likely be a day when I'll have a plethora of brunette wigs to wear to work, or demure black skirts with minimal ruffles. It's one reason I love OTT sweet so much - it holds nothing back. When you decide to fill your hair with little clips, why leave out the tiara? Why not add a couple billion star stickers? Or like the girl in the above photo, why not tack a carousel on your head? It's your vision and creativity run amok across the lolita form. If you dream of rainbow ponies, tons of fluffy lilac bows, and socks covered with candy, what's to stop you? Or if you wish for trailing black bustles, birdcage veils of fine French lace, and perfect spiral curls, why wait? There will be plenty enough time to grow up yet. People may say you're out of place. They might say you're overdressed. My own favorite quote, as I look in the mirror and adjust the dangling stars by my ear: "You are not overdressed. The world is under-dressed for you."

Today I wore my new Rose and Little Bird Innocent World cape, trimmed with milk tea fur and tied with a mauve pink satin ribbon about my throat. I styled my hair in puffy fish-tail braids, added bright pink blushed cheeks, slicked on lipgloss, and trotted to statistics class. Life is too short to spend not doing what you love.

Labels: culture, inspirational

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Dangers of Standing Out

As we waited for the subway, among the other milling New Yorkers, a man approached me and said his friend would like a photo with us. I glanced back at the 'friend' who seemed to be more interested in the pavement. The man had a leer I didn't like; what's worse, he reminded me strongly of a creepy ex-boyfriend of mine with twenty years added. It wasn't his physique or his haircut or his nose; it was a bright, unhealthy glow in his eyes and twitch in his gums. I tried not to look him or his friend directly in the eye while I said, no, no photos. The guy asked demandingly, why? A bad sign. Feeling irritated and wary, I said that we were just waiting for the train like everyone else and are not available for photos.

My friends and I boarded the subway and snagged some empty seats. Within moments we realized that the guys who had just been bothering us had sat down directly across from us and had a large camera out, snapping photos and then, even worse, directly filming us - with a blinking red light like a pervert's eye. The guy was leaning over to his friend and giggling as they watched the screen. We were not people sitting across from them. We were not real girls. We were little images on a screen, clearly for their enjoyment. Our only defense was to speak more and more loudly about pathetic people who get their kicks from bothering girls on the subway. After ten or fifteen minutes of this stalemate, a couple from the other end blocked the camera, giving the guy a great shot of the boyfriend's butt. Thus we made it to our stop and escaped. I couldn't help but glance backwards as we ran down the platform. The man was craned around in his seat, grinning like we were old friends. My heart hardened, and in true New York style, I flipped him the finger while Miss Lumpy grabbed my arm and ushered me away.

Fastforward a few weekends. My boyfriend lives in a very small, rural town in northern Connecticut, where there's no radio reception tucked into the edges of the mountains and the sunsets melt across the hills - a place I've often called 'God's country.' He doesn't agree. I didn't really understand it - the railroads, the sunlight, the fireflies that wink in the dark - what's not to like? Not only recently, when the carnival came to town, did his meaning hit home. The carnival there was small, set up on a green no bigger than a soccer field. I was excited to nab some cotton candy, ride the carousel, and take photos. He was nonplussed but willing to go until I mentioned I'd wear my Starry Night Theatre skirt from Angelic Pretty. He said to me: "Doll, I love you and I love how you dress. But you can't wear lolita to this. It'll be a problem." I laughed it off. People stared at his supermarket, yeah. People said things about my hair. What could they say that I hadn't heard before? I had long stopped caring about the comments and gawks.

He wasn't kidding. It wasn't until he said that he'd have to bring a knife that I began to understand. As he explained: there would be problems. They would be drinking. They would confront me, confront us both. It'd be five or six to his one. There aren't any police in his town - just a local trooper for the nearby villages. They didn't like outsiders and they didn't like anyone different. These were the kind of people who were going to start a fight if too many minorities came to their carnival. This was a small town with small people. It is far from New York City, far from Boston, far from even Connecicut's capital, Hartford. It wasn't the place for people to stand out.

I have been bothered in public before. Heckled, crazy questions, slurred at, photographed, all the usual things. Sometimes it was implied that our style was sexual. I've been called a cracker, hooker, freak, an embarrassment to my family. But there is an invisible line. Sticks and stones may break my bones, surely, but so can threats and videos uploaded to myserious websites and forums in the shadowy corners of the Internet, where footage of girls unknown to the danger can be replayed again and again to anyone who wants to see it. The memories and angers we replay in our own heads, at their disrespect, at the blatantly obvious fact that we are not human to these people. They do not know that we are lovers of toy dogs, makers of jewelry, collectors of Godzilla figures or writers of children's books or anything else. And what is worse, they don't care. Their ten minutes of fun have ruined the rest of the day, a shadow of primitive fear and suspicion that hovers over our previous joviality. Or worse, for those who are actually attacked and suffer the abuse, their few hours of fun have ruined lives. The lives of these girls, who had no idea what was coming; the lives of their friends and families and lovers who will suffer alongside them and never be the same.

How often does this happen to people in our community? How often does this happen to the alternative subcultures as a whole? Is it as rare as the media makes it out to be, or is it unreported? Do we pass these stories around furtively even amongst ourselves? I've heard snippets of rumors - girls who have had black paint thrown at them from cars, or that a man threw a slushie into a crowd of lolitas. Even more disturbing, a friend of a friend was actually attacked on the bus. While with another lolita and on their ride home, the man harassing her began to choke her. After both girls fought back viciously, the man suddenly just got up and left. When my friend angrily turned to two other men who had witnessed the attack and done nothing, they said it was their own fault for instigating the attacker. How had they been instigating? By 'looking like that'.

This isn't just a question of being lolitas, and it isn't just a question of being young girls or even adult women. This isn't just about feminism and a woman's right to take the subway in the middle of the day with her friends without worrying about being attacked. This is about the right of expression and right to follow a subculture. Subculture violence is not limited to our tiny kingdom - S.O.P.H.I.E, Stamp Out Prejudice, Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere, began when its namesake, Sophie Lancaster, was kicked to death in her small English town for being a Goth. She died protecting her longtime boyfriend from the blows of their teenaged attackers. This music video/animation was done in her honor to show exactly how she died and what the SOPHIE Foundation stands for. If you haven't seen it, please watch it; if you believe this should never happen again, repost/retweet/retumbl and get the word out.

Time and time again, lolitas have insisted that we are not out for attention. We do not dress up to be stared at or asked about or to feel some kind of limelight. It's been stated as much to me that the reason I and my friends get dressed up and go into the city is to be a spectacle. They say tha we must want and enjoy that kind of attention, if we keep doing it. They fail to realize that lolita is not about other people. In such a tell-all, reality-show, made-for-TV, pix-or-it-didn't-happen culture, we do not actually care about the people around us. If a lolita is alone in the forest, is she still a lolita? She doesn't need an audience to be a lolita. Lolita is for the individual. Lolita is about what I find attractive and how it makes me feel beautiful. It is my standard of beauty that I have adopted for myself, and how I want to see myself. It is how, after a time, I feel comfortable and how I see myself. It's always a shock for me to leave my bubble of friends and family and realize that to others, even my hair makes me alien to them. But to try to assimilate would be trying to be something else - something I am simply not programmed to do.

I admit, it took me a long time to write this article. This subject was hard to discuss, let alone write about and feel the closeness of home. I am lucky enough to live in a mostly tolerant, if unimpressed area. I'm from the edges of New York City, I love to spend my time in bohemian Seattle. I've never had to endure the hard edges of the deep South or the deeply conservative Bible Belt. I can only imagine how much worse it is for lolitas in areas even more restricted, even more determined to keep their world homogenous. And how they will go to any lengths to do that. For those who have experienced anything similar to what I have discussed, violence, sexual harassment - stay strong. You can do it. Don't stop being who you are.

Note: I've added LC's first 'feminism' tag, necessary for anyone who wants to start reading all of my lolita + feminism articles or who supports feminism from any subculture.

Labels: culture, discussion, feminism

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yogurt is Not Cheesecake: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Your typical office girl opens up a refrigerator. Inside is a looming cheesecake topped with raspberries, sending her into a craze of thoughts: who the hell left this cheesecake out where anyone could just... see it? Can she eat a slice and then skip dinner? If she only eats half a slice and then a handful of celery sticks, do they cancel each other out? What if she jogs in place while she eats it? Then to her dismay and obvious jealousy, her skinny coworker walks up and says, "Mm... cheesecake. I can't resist!" The first girl says begrudgingly, "You even look like you've lost weight," while her rival smugly reaches for... raspberry cheesecake flavored yogurt.

That's the punchline, girls. Well, according to the marketers, anyway.

What's really going on in this commercial? First we see a battle that unfortunately too many are familiar with: a dessert that you want but shouldn't have. Is this girl dieting or just worried about getting fat? She's clearly not overweight in this commercial - why is she so nervous about eating it? What does she see when she looks in the mirror? How many fad diets has she been on that she thinks 'running in place' while she eats it might be a good idea? What about her rival, the envied, weight-losing coworker? Does she envy the control she has over her own body and desires? Is she envious that she seems to drop weight without any of the deprivation and struggle that seem so hard for her? And what about the girl who tricks her body into thinking it's eating dessert while chowing down on fat-free yogurt? Would she rather chuck the yogurt and eat the real thing too, as she slops imitation goop into her mouth, thinking vengefully about her bikini-unworthy butt? Or is she really so pleased that she can happily 'have her cake and eat it too' like the commercial says? And why is she so concerned about saving the 100-odd calories she gets from eating yogurt versus the actual cheesecake? And craziest of all, the marketing think tank down at Yoplait believes that we should be identifying and nodding along in agreement with these calorie-counting, stomach-tricking, jogging-in-place people.

It's enough to make anyone - myself included, making the dog jump - "Just eat the cake already!"

The average woman has a very weird relationship with food. It's like the Mean Girls quote: "Girls who eat their feelings... girls who don't eat anything." Girls can go on juice fasts, liquidize wheat grass, try eating six small meals a day, eat suppliments, take diet pills, count points, stop eating carbs, cut out fried food, go vegetarian, go vegan, go whole-grain, go dairy-free, go sugar-free, go crazy. We know all that already. Every women's magazine, television spot, radio ad, and late night informercial is talking about how women lose weight. Slap on a few airbrushed models, a couple fashion week photos, and Playboy, and we've got our situation put together.

Let's wander out of the mainstream picture and start looking at our own little kingdom, lolita. As I always chant, lolitas are nothing more than regular girls experiencing the world a little differently. We're certainly not immune to the pressures of food/not food, size good/size bad. As much as we want to escape the confines of mainstream expectations, we still can't escape our own ideas of beauty and body image. Lolita, as a subculture, is based around the ideals of fashion, and fashion is based around the notion of being ideal. Fashion is to create an artwork out of an ordinary human being - to be a work of art. But when the canvas you see in the mirror is not like the ones you want to create, how do you cope? Lolitas are supposed to be doll-like, princess-like, mythical - things of perfection. I would estimate that many perfectionists are drawn to lolita, due to its nature - matching colors, tiny details, complex makeup and rigid structure. And perfectionists are the ones most susceptible to the malice of body image, even to the edge of body dysmorphic syndrome. A friend of mine, after a couple comments outright stating such, now worries constantly about a body part in lolita. Is it the usual hotspots - butt, boobs, waist? No - she's worried about her knees. Instead of picking out cute socks or enjoying a new dress, she's trying to figure out how to minimize her knees - tights? Over the knees or knee highs?

Even I have an on-off relationship with food. I spent five years with an eating disorder (anorexia) before getting help; and as anyone with an eating disorder knows, food is always a question mark. Do I want to stop at a food place on the way home, or do I want to put together something made of rice cakes and hummus, where no one can watch me eat these 15 calorie things? Is everyone watching me at the supermarket, and are they counting how many bags of Doritos in my cart? On worse days, the question might boil down to, "Do I want a sandwich or a cigarette?" As a model, especially a lolita model pressing for that ideal, Japanese-schoolgirl size, food and weight became a question best answered with math: if Baby, the Stars Shine Bright insists models to have no more than a 25 inch waist and you're sporting a 24.5, how big is half an inch between you, a brand onepiece, and the model next to you?

As an added monkey wrench, we're all trying to fit into clothes roughly the same size. Some developments have been made with brands putting out multiple sizes of clothes (like shoes, in small, medium, and large), but for the most part each brand has a figure in mind that they produce for. There's the Baby sized girl, the Angelic Pretty sized girl, the Innocent World sized girl, and the increasingly tiny Mary Magdalene girl and Juliette et Justine girl. Are you lucky enough to be dead in the middle of your favorite brand's measurements, or are you constantly checking sizes and shirring and waist-ties and length? Do you fall in love with dresses you can't fit into, only to get them home and realize the awful truth - or do you have 'thinspiration' dresses, dripping with ice cream cones for an added touch of irony?

When I started writing this article I wanted to be able to culminate with some kind of up-with-people, down-with-beauty-standards, womyn-hood chant. I wanted to say that we, having escaped the mainstream for our own beauty ideals, could flaunt away those body image problems like ribbons on the wind because aren't we special, magical little cupcake princess (breathe, breathe - I know this departs from LC's usual magical princess motto, but bear with me!) But let's face the facts. It's not true. Let's ditch the cheesecake-flavored yogurt-consistency lies and be real.

But I refuse to believe there is no hope. I refuse to believe that 'girls will be girls', that like countless generations of women before us, will forever be pinching cheeks and rouging lips and looking in the mirror and wanting something more.

The first step to getting real? Talk about it. When commercials, photoshoots, magazines, brands and even friends push you that carton of yogurt, pause. Break down the commercials and what they're really saying. Realize that models are air-brushed and go home to empty kitchens, measuring quarter cups of rice. Accept that fashion advice doesn't have to come from online forums and faceless usernames. Stop measuring out food in quarter cups and waists in inches. Measure out food in hunger and energy. Measure out clothes in beauty and comfort. Put down the magazine and wear what makes you feel the most beautiful and confident.

As for me? I went to the Cheesecake Factory - and ate the real deal.

Psst - want some music to listen to while you read this? Try Sticks by Alix Olson.

Labels: culture, discussion

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lolita Nation: Vol. I

Subcultures are the vogue of our generation. For years we dissected the youth of the world into categories that seemed, to the psychologists among us, juvenile and two-dimensional: skater, jock, prep, and other high-school worthy labels. But eventually society began to realize that what may have seemed to be nothing more than local hoodlums or 'those weird kids' were actually something more. These groups began to develop their own customs and traditions, their own socialization patterns, their own 'tribe markers' and symbolism, and in some cases, even their own religions. They began to break away from the mass culture of their country and instead divide into smaller sects within it. This was what we call subculture. Some examples of subculture that most people are familiar with: the hippies, the beatniks, the goths, the punks... And now the newer, ever-evolving subcultures of the new millenium like internet culture, fandoms, steampunk, and even... lolita.

For the longest time, both in Japan and overseas, the debate has ensued: what is lolita to its practioners? Is it a fashion style alone? Is it a concept? Is it a state of mind? Is it a lifestyle? Or is it, like those other mold-breakingly attired peoples to come before it, a subculture?

To answer this question, there is the obvious: what makes up a subculture? What seperates subculture from a trend, from a fashion statement?

On the surface, lolita appears to be merely a fashion. It is heavily invested in clothes and outward appearance. Most girls do not spend 100% of their time in lolita fashion, or spend 100% of their time only with others interested in lolita fashion. Does this make it a weekend warrior-style hobby? Is lolita fashion no different than dressing in this season's florals?

When it comes down to lolita, it is not the clothes that seperate us most distinctly from the mainstream. Yes, those layers and layers of lace and petticoats may seem to be what all the fuss is about, but lolita fashion - the adverse choices in clothing we make - is not what lolita is purely about. Lolita fashion does not exist in a bubble, on a page, or in a theatrical production. Not only do we interact with the world as a whole, we are also interacting with each other.

Lolita fashion is the jumping-off point for our subculture. Whether it is the fashion that attracts like people together or like people are attracted to the fashion, it is hard to say. However, it is obvious that one of the most definable traits of someone in lolita subculture is their appearance. This isn't just about fashion (an entire other article could be written on fashion and how this relates to lolita social hierarchy, but I'll spare you this round), but also permanent changes to one's appearance. Just like industrial goth is usually accompanied by piercings, lolita has its own physical markings. Some of the most typical are blunt cut bangs or, more iconically, the hime cut; sweet lolitas may also lean towards unnaturally colored hair and lolitas of any style seem to favor bleach blonde. I'm currently sporting the 'split' - half blonde, half pink - which is in style at the moment. When I am asked about my unusual hair style, I usually want to respond - 'Well, it's in style right now with my culture.' To respond simply with 'in style' would be confusing if you're not familiar with the current lolita scene. In style does not mean in style with the mainstream. The mainstream is following completely different trends based on different nuances of pop cultural media and celebrities. The subculture follows its own trends and has its own perceptions of beauty, some of which may even be counterculture to that of the mainstream.

One of the most prominent parts of a subculture is its shared knowledge, morals, or even history. Lolitas possess at the very least a shared knowledge. This is fueled by the rituals and traditions necessary to execute the fashion style (such as, petticoats go below skirts), but also pop culture and its timeline, and a glossary of words specific to the fashion and the culture's traditions. While working through cultural issues with the crew of American Lolita, it became apparent that half of what I was saying to them was gibberish. "Wait, what is Moi-Meme-Moitie and how is that like Moi Dix Mois?" French accents notwithstanding, we soon realized that what the entire crew needed was a compiled short dictionary translating 'lolita' to English. Think of all the words and simple turns of phrase we inside the culture take for granted - JSK, OP, NWT, cutsew, shirorori, Kikikirara Shoten. To anyone outside of the lolita scene - the subculture - these words are entirely without meaning. But I could say these to any lolita and be understood. And this is only the tip of the jargon iceberg - because lolita subculture is heavily participated in over the internet, acronyms and shorthand are just as necessary. Some of the above terms are nothing more than letters, which stand for different terms - JSK for jumperskirt - which can then be translated into spoken terms when used in real life conversation.

Our shared history is from pop culture - the first Gothic and Lolita Bible, collection of popular models, and fashion trends of the past. Older lolitas recall the days of rectangular headdresses, Angelic Pretty's older prints, or the earlier works of Imai Kira. Kamikaze Girls is also a great example of how a shared fascination with pop cultural media has shaped our subculture. Many girls consider the film an initiation rite into the fashion and culture; many say that the lessons it teaches are the beginnings of lolita concepts and moral themes.

The fact that much of lolita culture is shared and participated in online also contributes to the notion of lolita subculture's shared history. High impact events mostly play out online, and many in the community participate - such as great scandals and scammer alerts. This shared history bonds us together. Those not present for earlier events usually learn of them secondhand - it's often that a lolita will say, 'Oh, it was before my time, but I heard about...' Lolita culture is mostly relayed by word of mouth or secondhand, in what could almost be considered an oral tradition.

Concepts are also part of the culture. Most brands or even magazines provide a basic concept or mission statement to solidify the look and emotion they are trying to portray. Another example is the basic concept of gothic culture - the darker emotions and shadowy style that overlays the entire genre. If I had to choose a concept to overlay the general lolita culture, I would say it is personal fufillment to the point of excess. In a word, opulence. The princess motif, the sweets-to-cavities style, the rise of decololi, all point at opulence - our Rococo inheritance - as our key theme. Other smaller themes are peppered throughout the culture - beauty for beauty's sake, a sense of personal independence bordering on solitude, a sense of entitlement, and a multitude of others. These themes unite our knowledge and media consumption into a mass interpretation. They form the basis for what our culture stands upon.

Dissecting a subculture piece by piece is an exhaustive process, moreso to argue the point. In honor of International Lolita Day, our bi-annual celebration of lolita fashion, community, and culture, I would like to declare that we as a group stand up and be counted as a subculture. This is Part 1 of the series. I will continue to discuss the argument supporting lolita as not just a fashion, but as a subculture throught the following articles. Stay tuned!

Labels: culture, discussion, international lolita day

Friday, May 7, 2010

Anime, Lolita, and You

Go to any Japanese pop culture convention and you'll find a veritable melting pot of hobbies and people. Anime. Manga. Cosplay. Videogames. And sometimes, lolita. But where does lolita fit into the hierarchy cast of congoers? Why is that many lolitas seem to dislike anime, or are nervous about 'otaku'? Some lolitas like anime, while others vehemently don't - what causes the split, and what does anime have to say about lolita, feminism, and women as a whole?

Anime Is a Gateway Drug

Many girls find their way to lolita through anime, or at the very least begin their interest in Japanese culture with anime or manga. Often this is because they admire the fashion inspirations of their favorite characters, or because they're also on the convention circuit. On the convention circuit, the average cosplay will probably encounter at least a small gaggle of local lolitas there for a few sparse lolita events and to flaunt their stuff. And thus, when they next decide to plan their outfits, they may be influenced by these girls. That's no crime - just a fact of life. By knowing how many girls come to find lolita through anime, we can use this as a jumping-off point on the rest of the conversation.

Anime Characters and Their Effect on Real Girls

The talk of media effect on girls is never-ending and never-decided. There is constant issue with how women are portrayed on television, in movies, in music, in magazine ads, and in books. While most girls find themselves studying Blair or Serena on Gossip Girls, there is a small percentage of girls who are more attracted to Japanese or other Asian media. This means that the ideal girls presented to them are girls like Tohru of Fruits Basket, Kagome of Inuyasha, Miwako of Paradise Kiss, etc. To briefly analyze the attraction of the characters, they usually seem to have it all: cute, attention from everyone, and sweet, offbeat mannerisms that are endearing to the other characters. The girls who consume this media think that to be loved and as popular/cute as the characters they love, they should try to imitate them as much as possible (in extreme cases). This is how you end up with girls throwing peace signs, screaming 'KAWAII!' and wearing cat ears. They're emulating the characters that seem to be so perfect and well-loved. As they are anime characters however, this doesn't mean that their personalities or style should be imitated in real life. The reversal of this would be if everyone went around talking like Bugs Bunny in the hope of seeming as dry and non-chalantly cool as he is. Instead however, you'd come off socially obtuse. This is because comics and other animated media are not portrayals of real life - they're fantasy and often parodies, which doesn't translate well into real social interactions. This is usually more often apparent when you are from the culture and background that the comics are parodizing, but without that basis the irony is often thought to be realistic.

Females as Presented Through Anime

As anime is purely for entertainment in an unrealistic world, this means that the author is free to create any kind of fantasy for the intended audience. A large portion of anime lovers tend to be male (or it could be considered that more male-based anime reaches overseas, which is not unlikely), and this means that females are often depicted as sexual objects. How many 'fan services' are commonplace in anime and manga? How many female characters are depicted as supremely cute and innocent, as well as highly sexualized by the male readership and characters? Or if not just those traits, the popular archetype for female characters is the 'high school ditz' - sweet-hearted, adorable, but scatter-brained and usually poor at schoolwork; some examples are Usagi of Sailor Moon or Ichigo Momomiya from Tokyo Mew Mew. There are few strong female characters in anime; they are more likely to be damsel-in-distress ladies. If they do happen to have any power, it's more of a 'I Dream of Genie' type (such as Ah! My Goddess) - a powerful girl who prefer to focus on the male protaganist's desires (which sometimes reverts back to the sex object motif).

To sum, animes present an idealized and pedestaled view of women and girls: as perfect and loved to female viewers while to male viewers they are sexually perfect and with passive personalities. Now please bear in mind that there are exceptions to any and every rule, but it seems as if this is the most common archetype and them presented to mainstream anime (i.e, that which is mostly consumed by American audiences).

Lolitas in Anime

Lolitas or lolita-inspired characters are often represented in anime. This makes sense, as the Japanese artists and storyboard writers draw from their inspiration around them. They may take bits and pieces from the fashion and girls they see on the streets to inspire their own original characters, which then creates a lolita-esque (usually side) character. The Japanese population these medias are originally intended for get the connection easily enough, because they also observe the same fashions and trends going on around them. The problem is that when translated back to Western audiences, it's the other way around. The Western population consumes endless media first, which while entertaining, is out of context to the viewers. They see these lolita-esque or inspired characters and unfortunately come to two conclusions: one, that this style is unique to anime and media (as they have no basis for comparison), and two, that these girls are a special breed all on their own. As stated in the above paragraph, the girls of anime are usually idealized and unrealistic images that girls struggle to measure up to.

Therefore, the argument leads us to the concept that anime girls are highly stereotype and pedestaled by both male and female fans of anime and anime culture.

When East Meets West

So, knowing these facts about anime and how it interacts with both western and Japanese pop culture, we come to the point when the two meet. A lolita meets an anime fan and the way she perceives herself (as a fashion-devoted, princess/classy lady aesthetic) is not what she is greeted with. The brain makes connections based on similarities, and the anime fan's previous experiences dictate that lolitas are more like anime characters or at the very least, cosplayers. (I won't get into the cosplay-versus-lolita arguement in this article, or else we'd be here forever.) So if their main view of lolitas is as anime characters, they are typically treated as such - which not only is uncomfortable for the lolitas, but also causes speculation into other characteristics like how sexually promiscuous they might be, how smart they might be, and whether or not they only like pink, etc., etc.

The perceptions of each group are so different that often the two groups do not get along. If, however, there was more education to the anime and general community on lolita culture, then we may be able to reach a kind of understanding and mend the rift that has formed between the two. This is why lolita panels and fashion shows are such an important part of convention culture - to expand the jpop movement overseas and educate people on the growing number of lolitas that are appearing on the streets.

As the lolita prescence continues to increase outside of Japan, the urge for us to be accepted as a part of the subculture umbrella strengthens. That, I think, is why so many lolitas are concerned with stereotypes and the way they are portrayed by the media and others (who may be improperly informed). We refuse to be typecast as something we are not, and want to quash any misconceptions or rumors before they take hold in the public mind. This again is why education on lolita subculture to the general public is so important to the fostering of our community.

Redux: Lolita Anime

I am not, however, here to demonize anime or manga in any respect. It is an important part of Japanese pop culture and an increasingly important part of western culture. So are there some animes or mangas that lolitas naturally tend to gravitate towards?

There are some animes that lolitas typically find enjoyable. Anime and manga as a genre is produced on a broad spectrum in Japan, for many different demographics. There are animes for children, creepy old businessmen, young boys, housewives, punk kids and yes, the lolitas too. While one's tastes in anime are individual and not dictated by subculture or fashion, a few subcategories and motifs continue to appear in lolita's top list of recommended anime or manga. These are, in no particular order,

Mahou Shoujo or Magical Girl, such as Sailor Moon or Tokyo Mew Mew;

Historically based like Emma or Rose of Versailles;

Fashion-inspired like Paradise Kiss [ParaKiss] or Rozen Maiden;

Fairytale- and folklore-inspired like Kilala Princess or Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch;

Realistically portrayed lolitas (slice of life) like Momoko from Kamikaze Girls or Miwako from Paradise Kiss;

To sum, these are essentially animes that interest lolitas due to content they are already attracted to like fanciful fashion, romantic time periods, or fairytales. A lolita character may be an interest to the lolita reader/viewer, but not the sole draw to watch a series. For example, there is long refuted to be a lolita-inspired Pokemon character - this does not mean all lolitas will rush to watch Pokemon (season 1 - endless).

I was inspired to write this piece after talking to the crew of American Lolita (formally of Loligirls: The Story Behind the Frills and Bows) and realized that the world in general is unaware of the interaction between anime and lolita culture, whether that is a marketing perspective down to why lolitas avoid large groups of otaku at conventions. There is so much we do not discuss in lolita culture and how we are continuing to develop, and the only way to to develop in a beneficial path is to analyze ourselves. In some small way, I hope Lolita Charm can continue to puzzle out the mysteries of what makes lolita fashion and culture, as we know it, tick.

Labels: culture, discussion

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Is Lolita Selfish?

She spends hundreds of dollars upkeeping her wardrobe. Her hair, her nails... and refreshing the rhinestones on her cellphone. She loves to surf the internet for new deals on her favorite brands. She has a journal detailing her daily outfits. She can work a self-timer to take photos of herself. And some would call this selfish.

Selfish is a such a stinging word, isn't it? It smacks of other serpentine, s-words - self-entitled, snobby, and narcissistic. In the world of the modern day, propelled by lattes and designers, we are still sensitive to the snub of the word 'selfish'. (Why else would we become stealth shoppers when others are suffering from the economy?)

So is the lolita selfish? Her pursuing of the fashion takes up a great deal of her time, money, and attention. She buys herself presents as often as she can, and enjoys babying her hair with serums or styling her wigs to perfection. She is a perfectionist by nature down the last detail.

To decide whether the lolita is selfish, we must reference back to the role of women in society. It has been an evolution of how 'selfish' we are allowed to be, how much we can focus on ourselves without incurring hard stares. The woman of the 50s and pre-feminist era was required to spend her time, money and attention on her children and husband. She was supposed to plan meals, have dinner parties for her husband's business associates, make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and focus on serving her family as best as she possibly could. If you've ever read The Women's Room by Marilyn French or The Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen, you know where this landed leagues of frustrated female suburbanites. Even today, a woman is instructed to 'take time for herself' - because it is assumed the rest of her time is not her own, but she devoted to the wellness of others. The usual notion of women devoting resources to themselves, by the way, seems to boil down to taking a bubble bath or reading a chick-lit novel while the kids are at soccer practice. But the structure of what is acceptable for women is becoming a different creature all together. Marrying later, marrying less, later and fewer children, more career ladder than neighborhood social ladder. And that's the age into which lolita fashion is born.

Lolita is about doing something for yourself. That much is obvious. It is a focus on you, your style, your emotions, your idea of beauty. You decide what to wear and how, and what color your want your hair to be, and if you want to carry a violin-shaped bag, that's your choice. It's an independant choice, mostly against the norms of society, that you chose because you value your own emotions rather than the decision of the majority - or anyone else, for that matter. As I said in my post on vanity, paying yourself that level of attention isn't wrong - it's the basis for self-love. Today's gurus are constantly telling us to 'self-love' if we ever expect anyone else to love us. We only veer from healthy self-esteem into selfishness and vanity when our actions are at the expense of others. Momoko of Kamikaze Girls, hardly a moral paradigm, lies to her father to afford her lolita clothes by making up sob stories. She insists that you should just do what makes you happy, at any cost. Most lolitas would cringe at the thought of tricking someone who invading others' rights just to satisfy their urge for fashion. So long as she respects others, her self-focus doesn't ring up with the negative connotation of selfish.

There is also the notion of shopping. The lolita shops a lot. (Sometimes it's referred to as a hobby, because shopping online is about as time consuming for some girls as making a ship in a bottle.) Whether she prefers brand or offbrand, sweet or gothic, tiny accessories versus flamboyant dresses, lolitas tend to buy themselves little gifts (which I advocate, keeps up morale! ;) You choose the item because it makes you happy, not anyone else. Makes a nice change from your husband or signifigant other telling you how to dress, doesn't it? And with that, why wait for a man to buy you flowers, jewelry, chocolates? Modern women work and have at least some disposable income - they don't need men to pay for everything as before. There is even a special pride in buying yourself the trinket you want. It reminds you of how far you can go, on your own speed - not that you begged help off of a prince or fairy godmother. (In an alternate version, maybe Cinderella works odd jobs to pay for her own gown?!)

This is not to say that lolitas are completely materialistic and unaware of the wants and needs of other people. Many lolitas come from alternative backgrounds, which lend themselves to being altruistic. I've seen lolitas discuss in-depth the morals of buying items which might be produced by exploitative labor. Many lolitas I know are vegetarian or vegan on moral grounds. The Washington state lolitas even chose to run a lolita-sponsored food and toy drive for their local food pantry. So even though it is a style centered around the self, that isn't to say that the girls underneath the clothes are vapid creatures only concered with materialism.

So to the original question - do you consider lolita to be selfish, or even the gentler term 'guilty pleasure'?

Lolitas have seen the waves of feminism come and go. The world of bra-burning, manly shoulder pads - that has all been delegated to history books now, or hardly talked about. This generation's feminists are tired of trying to care for men, or prove they should not care for men, or whether they would like to be men (in full power suits). We've finally decided to do something for ourselves, on our own terms. And if it is selfish to care about one's one spiritual, physical and mental well-being, then - guilty as charged.

photo by sucreriemag.com hearts you

Labels: culture, discussion

Friday, February 26, 2010

Jeepers Creepers

I'm naturally very young looking. Starting when I was 18, I began almost aging in reverse - the older I get, the younger people will mistake me for (in mainstream clothes or alternate fashion like lolita, mori, or fairy-kei). And admittedly, I do tend to look at least five years younger than my actual age - people have even asked me what I am doing at my own college, or have questioned my driver's license. This week however, I was labeled as the youngest yet: eight years old. The older man behind me at my campus coffeehouse asked me many questions about my outfit (casual sweet style, with a t-shirt and Bodyline candies skirt) before saying with more than a little hint of letch in his voice: "Because you look, like... eight." Feeling offput, I said firmly, "I'm not eight." He grins at me and says, "I know."

This was only one of many experiences as a lolita where I've been harassed in an uncomfortable fashion by strange men. I've been called a prostitute. A friend has had a man at a gas station press a business card against her car window with his name and phone number on it. Any lolita I know has at some point been afraid for her safety due to the quintessential 'creeper'. Nor, unfortunately, is it limited to what I wear - as any woman knows, you can be made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in anything from a mini-skirt to a balaclava. I am reminded of this quote recently floating around, which I reblogged on my tumblr (unable to paste into my composing platform, so please excuse the link).

As lolitas, we stand out. We draw attention. And the motifs we choose are youthful and childlike (though I hesitate to say like children, as most modern children prefer to resemble tiny teenagers or copies of Hannah Montana. You can say we are more of an idealism of childhood and its various historical eras than actually dressing to resemble them.) I have been told that dressing in childlike clothing will get me unwanted attention from men with a taste for such things. I have been told that lolitas who whine about attention from strangers simply shouldn't dress that way. And yes, when in public dressed as a lolita (or other unusual style), you will inevitably talk to more people you do not know about how you are dressed, or what their opinion is of that, good or bad.

However - and I strongly believe this - just because we dress differently doesn't mean we agree or deserve to be harassed, especially sexually harassed. This, in my mind, is akin to saying a girl dressing in revealing clothing is asking for it, even it is as subtle a declaration of, 'Well, what did she expect people would say?'. If we prefer not to be harassed, then we should stop dressing as to be harassed. As the quote above brings to light, and continues to mention in the corresponding article, we have placed the burden of safety on the would-be victims and females of our population, instead of reprimanding sexual harassers and educating men on what it is like to be a woman.

As lolitas we continually assert our right to dress however we like. As any lolita will tell you, we dress as we for ourselves. We dress for our own sense of beauty, not for anyone else's. If we choose to wear cakes as accessories or coffin-shaped purses; if we choose to wear fluffy skirts or giant pink bows. And we should be able to do that without expecting it to come at the price of our personal safety.

I know this is not exactly related to lolita as per my usual articles on Lolita Charm. As women who dare to go against society and stand out, however, we are braver and more at risk than most. I consider myself a feminist, meaning a world where women are equal to men - not only by their payroll or their opportunities, but by their simple wish to walk alone without fear. This is not only about being safe. This is about women standing up for their freedom.

You can help: relink to this article or quote.

(photo found on tumblr, credited to this post.)

Labels: culture, discussion

Monday, February 15, 2010

How to Stop Waiting on Prince Charming

We're girls in frilly dresses. I'd bet my bottom dollar that most of my readers own at least one tiara, and actually consider it a real fashion accessory. Probably half of them can claim allegience to the Disney Princesses as a miniature pantheon. And between himegyaru, hime-lolita, and crown-shaped rings, I think it's easy to say that the princess complex is pretty common among lolitas (I won't rehash that!). But it also seems we've inherited a similar fatal flaw - the Prince Charming complex.

74% of statistics are made up on the spot, so I won't venture to guess how many girls find themselves on the look out for Prince Charming, Mr. Right, Brad Pitt, whoever. But if the secrets are any indication, plenty of girls are dying for this mystery man with great hair, a big bank account, and killer fashion sense. Or maybe you simply want a realistic relationship, complete with date nights at Taco Bell, movies on the sofa, and kisses on the cheek. Or maybe you're looking for a Princess. Either way, it seems like everybody is waiting for their balcony scene, somebody we're especially reminded of around Valentine's Day.

I'm not going to tout out the power suits and the tired line of 'Singles' Awareness Day', or decry boyfriends or girlfriends or relationships. If you've met your true love (as my college professor refers to her long-loved signifigant other) then I'm very happy for you. But this is for all those girls who spent Valentine's Day rewatching romantic comedies and wondering where all the good men have gone.

I've been single for quite some time now, often inciting my friends to wonder why or even what's wrong with a single girl such as myself. The answer? There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, I think everyone should spent a signifigant period of life single. If you're a repeat serial dater, you'll never get to really date the person who's most important: yourself.

So without further ado, this is my recipe for being fabulous, single, and not waiting for anything.

Being single doesn't make you a shut-in. I know that many women are afraid to go to things alone without a man or a gaggle of girlfriends. Have you ever scrambled for someone to see a movie with? Have you ever bypassed your favorite restaurant because going in alone would be awkward? This might especially be true if you're in lolita and feeling self-conscious. But here's the big secret to being alone and out on adventures - you call all the decisions. Want to spend two hours watching the swans swim? Or perhaps you'd like to order endless bowls of soup instead of a meal? You can. Be your own tourguide and sight-seeing captain. You make your own schedule, and nobody has to man-stand anywhere. If you want to know more about traveling alone and spending time alone, I really recommend the book Succulent Wild Women by SARK. This book is an artsy, handwritten collection of anecdotes and watercolors, where she discusses having adventures and getting over the fear of being alone. She spent many years traveling to islands by way of couch-surfing or doing odd jobs, and experienced many dinners without the company of a signifigant other.

Cultivate fabulous friendships. There is a lot to be said for a good friendship, whether with boys or girls. Ask them to go on dates with you - a date meaning any set time to interact one-on-one, shopping in unusual districts or visiting all of the kittens are your local pet shop. And don't limit yourself to few friends, or friends that only seem like the usual type of people you like to know. Make friends in different cities, or at work, or with your hula dancing class, or be penfriends with someone from the other side of the world. Being 'alone' doesn't mean being lonely. In fact, some of the most fufilling relationships in life are the ones that aren't romantic at all.

Live glamorously. Whatever that means for you! Build yourself the kind of lifestyle you would envy in another person. Attend fashion shows. Get your dog fabulous clips. Know your way around any item on an Ethiopian menu. Take roadtrips with boxes of Mike-and-Ikes in the glove compartments. Not, like a girl throwing herself into work or fake smiles, to distract yourself from the fact you don't have a romance in your life, but because you honestly want to. You want to be your idea of a perfect life, you want to be your idea of the best you, you can be.

It's not that I've stopped looking for Prince Charming, who I keep hoping is on the next train or at the next Starbucks. It's simply that I've stopped putting my life on hold for him. Because when I do finally meet this person, I don't want to be asleep like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. I want to be the kind of person... who's wide awake.

What do you think? Are you waiting for Prince Charming? Are you tired of going to look for him? Or after many frogs, are you realizing that the royalty you've been looking for is yourself?

Being single and fabulous, in my opinion, is the prerequisite to being partnered and fabulous. Here are more links to love:

How to Find True Love

The Secret to Loving Yourself

100 Ways to Start Loving Yourself Right Now

art by Liliothe of Deviantart.

oh! and I'd like to thank my secret admirers for this week's valentines and secret! I hope we'll continue our love affair yet ;)

Labels: culture, discussion

Monday, January 25, 2010

In Defense of Princesses

I read an article in this morning's local paper where the usual weekly columnist (middle-aged, married with kids, finds Twitter to be fabulously novel) lamented and consoled on the topic of her 24-month-old's sudden infatuation with Disney princesses (or any not trademarked, for that matter). Her little girl's fascination seems to be limited to proclaiming 'I pwincess' whenever possible, and the writer remarks flippantly that it's all about gender identity, which conjures up disconcerting memories from the pink sets of But I'm a Cheerleader. She then closes with a joke, such as that it's only time to worry when your child doesn't let go of princesses at the ripe old age of eight.

I raised an eyebrow over my teacup.

What about when your kid is twenty?

Like many lolitas I know, I have an interest in princesses and fairytales. I've got a collection of tiaras, a Cinderella make-up bag, and there's a glittering crown decorating my pink netbook. Other girls might turn to himelolita or himegyaru, or simply delight in crown motifs. Lolita, a demographic ranged from young teens to as far as mid or late twenties (or beyond), is far outside of that typical, pre-tweenager market. And is that considered unhealthy?

The author of the article says that an interest in princesses is a child deciding that she fits into the female category and that as such, her role is the princess. But I disagree that it's so Freudian or base to delegate princesses as just the standard female role. Lolita fashion, after all, is styled to be ultra-feminine. From pastel colors to lace, soft fabric, and pearls, lolita brings all of the feminine elements together. So if this is merely a gender issue, why would princesses continue to be popular?

Princesses, in fairytales and literature, have been romanticized from their feudal origins as bartering power into the heroines of their own stories. The princess is helped along by fairies, braves dungeons or deep gorges, and is destined for a happy ending. The word 'princess' is like a trigger to the reader: this character is special. She's destined for great things, and she lives up to those great things. And what girl doesn't want to believe that, at the end of the day, she too is destined for great things? That she is worthy of those great things, and should act the part? It's a kind of self-esteem promised to yourself. No wonder so many older girls just can't let go of the idea of princesses. We still want to think, as we sit at carved-up school desks or in shabby apartments, that we're meant for great things some day.

Let's switch gears from Victorian fairytales back to the modern day princesses - the animated ones with franchises. Many feminists delcare that today's pop culture princesses degrade women down into boy-crazy girls with an appetite for designer jeans, but that's not what I see from the Disney princesses. Their uniting theme is yearning for something beyond their current lives. Cinderella is the most interested in finding man, but she's just as fascinated with moving out of her stepmother's home and finding a new life. Later princesses like Belle, Ariel and Jasmine have dreams of seeing the world and meeting new people. Disney's newest princess, Tiana, goes so far as to aspire to a career and running her own business.

My favorite notion of princesses, however, comes from Frances Hodgson Burnett's novel, A Little Princess. Sara, a rich little girl who has been treated 'just like a little princess' finds herself suddenly orphaned and pennyless. But she decides to be a princess anyway, to herself - which she defines as being kind, brave, and strong in the face of adversity. Though she is mocked for her ideas of princesses, the other characters, including her wicked headmistress, can't help but be impressed by her noble behavior.

Today's world is full of unusual princesses, both in real life and in literature or films. There are the mori girls, strange princesses of the forest; there are princesses who are really bait girls from Louisiana. There are the First Daughters of the White House, and the frivilous fancy princesses of childrens' storybooks. There are princesses in ancient castles and in New York City penthouses. Princesses have long since stopped being just girls of royal blood, or girls with money to burn on beautiful dresses, or girls who can marry the prince. The word princess has become synonymous with heroine. And that is what I believe lolita does for girls: they discover, or perhaps decide, that they are going to be the heroines of their own stories.

And if a little girl is twenty and believes she is her own heroine, or if she is ninety and believes she is her own heroine, then I don't see anything wrong with princesses.

Labels: culture, discussion

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Skin Deep?

Dolls. The little things we emulate, with brilliantly wide eyes, tiny mouths, and tip-tilted noses. We've jumped from lipgloss to false eyelashes to eyelid glue to wigs, forever in search of that feature that will make us seem absolutely dolled up - looking perfect. And it's not exactly easy that the majority of our models for the fashion are just that - models. Even the street snaps in magazines are chosen because the girls are cute as well as well-dressed. Seeing real girls in lolita in real life is harder to come by - though our few locals and the community daily_lolita can help. But as you close the magazine, can you help but feel the bar is raised a little high?

Apparently many girls do feel that pressure. This week's loli_secrets had a sad confession: a girl that felt she'd never be a beautiful lolita due to her dark skin. Asian beauty standards and Victoriana both put stock in whiter skin, which can lead girls with darker tones feeling left out in the cold. But however much we draw on these cultures for inspiration and style, we must remember that they are not our world. Victorian or Rococo periods are things to be drawn on, not copied to the letter. We have come forward in history, hopefully past the notion skin color can stop a girl from being considered beautiful. And even though we are influenced by the Asian cultures that we take our cues from, they are not our world either. Western lolitas are uniquely created - with Western ideals, but also with the adopted beauty aesthetic of the style. I would like to think that our ideals triumph over looks, that we would prefer to mold the style to suit us instead of the other way around.

Is it purely cultural? What about our culture, as part of Western society? Where nip/tuck is fairly common, and no one bats an eyelash at a girl getting a new nose for her 18th birthday? I certainly don't suggest that either culture is better than the other - one could go on about the failings of Western beauty ideas for an entire blog's worth of articles, on everything from anorexia, bulimia, race, Playboy, hair... the list goes on. Nobody has the upper hand here. In some countries, women get their eyes made rounder. In others, women want their eyes to look more cat-like. Some girls bleach, some girls tan. It's not about who does what. We all peer at ourselves in the mirror and say, well, if it was just a little different...

And I admit, I'm no stranger to that. I've had my own weight problems, I get my roots done, and I consider the shape of my nose, maybe with a touch of disdain. Nobody's perfect. Nobody is quite there yet.

I think that beauty should be about loving - and enhancing - what you have. Take care of your skin, and lavish it with the food it needs, like moisture and vitamins. Make sure to remove your makeup before bed, drink lots of water, and try (I know it's hard for me!) to get enough sleep. The better you treat it, the more it will do for you. No matter the color, skin that glows with health is beautiful. Even when you're not sure, even when loving yourself - which to many girls can be today's impossible task - seems harder than anything, it's one of those small braveries. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and try.

Like the small bravery of going out in your frills.

Yes, lolita is a fashion and certain look we try to achieve through hair, makeup, jewelry, and our clothes. The end goal is to fufill your idea of what is beautiful, which you have already narrowed down to subset of fashion. But it isn't only what you look like - you can't see yourself, after all. You can only 'feel' what you look like, and how that impacts your emotions. Lolitas over the world agree that 'lolita is pretty' and 'lolita makes me feel pretty, makes me feel good'. That's the bottom line of why people choose to dress in the style. If it didn't give you that feeling and you only did it for those looking at you, you probably wouldn't bother.

So maybe you're not a model, or at the least, don't feel like one. Maybe at times your hair is a askew, or you worry about spots, or the hem of your skirt gets caught under your petticoat. Do you feel happy? Do you want to keep learning and evolving in this style? Little by little, you'll learn not only the fashion, but confidence in your own skin.

And that is a beauty that goes much farther than skin-deep.

Labels: culture, discussion

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Lolita Charm

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Under the Parasol: The Growing World of Cute Fashion

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Lolita's Temptation

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Blogging: The New 'Lifestyle' Requirement?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Overdressed

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Dangers of Standing Out

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yogurt is Not Cheesecake: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lolita Nation: Vol. I

Friday, May 7, 2010

Anime, Lolita, and You

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Is Lolita Selfish?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Jeepers Creepers

Monday, February 15, 2010

How to Stop Waiting on Prince Charming

Monday, January 25, 2010

In Defense of Princesses

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Skin Deep?

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