Small Compromises

It started out as a small suggestion. "What harm can that do?" I thought, and I made the change. It was, as I say, something small. Don't be quite so outlandish. Do you really need three petticoats to go out? Isn't two enough? Or none, for a casual day? Why such a big bow? What about all that blush? Maybe a little less? Can you give it up for one day? Well, maybe again tomorrow too? Don't you need some 'regular' clothes? Just for once in a while... Like jeans? And some t-shirts?

Fast-forward. Let me preface with this fact: my mom is a brag-book kind of mom. She has what she calls her 'tarot cards' stuffed in her daily planner, ready to show everyone from the surgeon to the postman: a miniature portfolio of my many fashion and hair exploits. Pink hair and poofy dresses. Towering Rococo coiffures I've modeled, or pictures of me with rainbow highlights and my pom's bad orthodontia, grinning at the camera. In short, a time capsule of how I've expressed myself in the past three or four years. The other day, like clockwork, she whipped them out for my nurse.

Six months later, after days and days of small suggestions, I barely recognized myself. The color had gone out of my hair, I gave up the daily use of candy-colored makeup, and my 'off-day' clothes were making more appearances than my real wardrobe. What happened? Where did I go?

On this blog, I often preach the 'be yourself' mantra, along with its pals, 'do what you love and f*** the rest', 'put yourself first'. But I just want to acknowledge: it's hard. It's damn hard. No one is totally immune to the temptation of fitting in, of going with the flow and what is easier. And yes, that includes me. It's funny: I never had this problem in high school or college. I didn't feel a big pressure to normalize. Now that real life is looming ever closer, I can see some implications I do care about, and they're not what the in-crowd thinks. Finding a business internship, for example, or making the right impressions on my boyfriend's family or previous prep school professors (best ran into, by the way, when you are sweaty, have a big head of messy pink hair, and are wearing oversize borrowed snowpants to learn snowboarding). The Connecticut curse of upper-middle-class was creeping in on me. An example: in some of the better, wealthier areas of my county, there are rules about what color you are allowed to paint your house and shutters (white, black shutters, thankyouverymuch.) I won't regale you with anymore New England yuppie horror stories.

So now that I've snapped out of this stage (which was thankfully short), I want to reflect a little. Not on how hard it is to fight the tide and 'b you-nique', because we've all heard that already. I want to reflect on how easy it is to make those small compromises, that chisel away at who you are. Some people may argue, 'You need some compromises!' I agree. Let's be practical: don't wear your best dress to get your teeth cleaned. You really can't wear popkei to attend a funeral. If you want to get the job, dress corporate. But you have to know where to draw the line. If you're not sure, do a little soul-searching and find out.

You know what is really amazing? Every day, with every decision you make, you get to decide who you want to be. It's all up to you. If you're envious of this person or that, for this hair or that outfit or even that talent, add it to your want list. The next day, go get it. Design yourself. Who do you want to see in the mirror? If you could write your ideal character, what would your signifyou be? From a fashion perspective, you can decide what you want to wear or how to do your makeup. Or consider your personality: what kind of person do you wish you were?

Once you know your 'dream self', so to speak, it's easier to know where the compromises have to stop. Dressing down for Grandma? Having a business wardrobe? Is one okay for you, but another going too far? Would you dye your hair for your parents, or stop (or start) wearing makeup for your significant other? Make yourself a personal 'do-not-cross' line. Some things are up for the occasional compromise. And some things are non-negotiable.

Labels: inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 9:28 PM 22 Comments

Berry Sweet

One of my favorite spring and summer themes is fruit! Specifically, the strawberry and cherry love so prevalent in lolita fashion. Bright, shiny red berries make a great edition to prints and ginghams, whether you want to wear them with a sweet style, a country air, or a pop-kei taste. Here's a quick taste of everything berry...

Labels: inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 7:12 PM 3 Comments

How to Look Like a Retro Shoujo Heroine

One of the ancestors of lolita back in the day was the artwork created by fanciful shoujo manga artists - artists drawing for the audience of young girls and women. Often their work was peppered with intricate lace and beautifully cascading ruffles, as well as the dewy eyes and luscious locks we associate with shoujo manga today. I ran into a few illustrations that reminded me strongly of lolita style's original concepts, and I just had to share!

xoxo,

Labels: inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 9:01 PM 1 Comments

But Being a Lolita is HARD!

Recently I have seen this term floating around the Internet: 'closet lolitas'. I originally thought this meant, like the term for 'closeted' Pagans or homosexuals, that this was a reference to lolitas who wore and loved their lolita fashion while keeping it a secret from their friends, family, and significant others. While it sounded rather difficult (how do you hide a giant wardrobe of poofy technicolor dresses and $300 dress bills from your parents?!) I figured it must be possible, if people were using the term. Today I finally got it, from a few new comments and messages left on my Youtube videos: the term 'closet lolita' was being applied to girls who considered themselves to be lolita despite not dressing in, owning, or even ever having tried on the fashion. I can only assume then the 'closet lolita' just consumes media, mostly through the Internet (tumblr, Facebook, forums, blogs, etc.).

Now to clarify my stance - I believe a lolita is someone who has worn lolita clothing with a genuine attempt to follow the lolita style/anatomy/archetype (wearing a cheap lace monster to cosplay an anime character does not count; nor does donning a brand skirt with a t-shirt, converse, and no lolita hair/makeup - lolita fashion is a whole-picture look, not just the clothing or its pedigree - offbrand and handmade count!). No matter how much media, community or interest one has in lolita fashion, I don't believe you can be a lolita until you have tried to wear the style in its entirety - at least once, though others might argue multiple times or ownership of the clothing and accessories is necessary. Until you've actually tried to portray the lolita style to the best of your ability, you are an admirer and lover of lolita fashion. (Nothing wrong with that, if you love the look but it's not something you'd personally wear.)

I received an email recently with a plea for help from just such a 'closet lolita' who has been a 'lolita for years' but wanted more help being lolita 'style-wise.' To sum her letter, she says her family will support her, but her location is not 'lolita-forward' and lolita is 'far too expensive and far too difficult!'

Okay. Mama Victoria is gonna get a little tough love and speak the truth. Being a lolita... is hard. 


Here are just a few things lolitas do on a routine basis to keep up with, well, being lolitas:

Ordering from expensive shopping services, saving up money, making the same dress work in six different outfits rather than buy a new one, darning socks, studying makeup magazines, cleaning wigs, coloring their hair, gluing on nails, gluing on eyelashes, learning katakana, matching up coordinates, buying makeup, dealing with customs, working hard jobs (again to save more money), flying cross country or internationally to buy clothing, curling hair, conditioning out teased bouffants, dealing with strangers, dealing with coworkers or family members, driving hours to meetups, uncomfortable shoes, stockings that slide down, petticoats that deflate, reading handbooks, running group orders, currency conversions, not to mention all of the inside workings and social learning curve of lolita culture...

Lolita seems to be making the list of subcultural trends for teens lately, making blog rolls and Tumblr dashboards all over the Internet. Other fashion trends the average teen or young person can invest in aren't nearly so stringent, such as scene or hipster trends. Lolita is more on the level of old-school goth, back when goth was both a daily rigorous fashion and lifestyle, rather than its modern descendant, watered-down and sold next to the GAP (who actually owns Hot Topic, for the curious.) Which is why many girls beg the question of why lolita has to be so, well, hard.

Lolita looks sweet, soft, delicate, like an ornate maiden or perfect princess... and, like any princess, it looks effortless. I think that is why, for those on the outside looking in, it seems like it must be easy. To those who haven't tried it, it seems like for the lolitas pictured, life is a perfect fairytale, a (excuse the pun) piece of cake, and the only reason that the viewer hasn't attained lolita nirvana yet is due to an external locus of control. You know, the usual, things you hear all the time: "It's too expensive", "My hometown is not lolita", "Going outside would be weird". Or other times, you hear girls say, "Lolita is my inside self and heart, but..."

Here is the truth: lolitas are strong. Lolitas are brave. Every day, they decide to wear things that are not popular or accepted. They have been mocked, alienated and harassed for their choices, in every location from big cities to rural towns. Why? Because as a lolita, the fundamental belief is that making yourself happy is the most important thing. Even if you feel awkward, standing alone in a pink-and-blue ruffled dress, knowing that the rest of the world is staring... you are standing up for your right to make choices about your happiness, not others'. If this dress makes you feel happy when you look at it and put it on, then it should be your choice to embrace that.

As Maki of Angelic Pretty has said, 'Lolitas are always fighting for what they believe in.' If you want to be a lolita, to wear lolita fashion and in doing so truly have the 'lolita experience' so to speak, you have to fight. Lolitas around the world face adversity in becoming lolitas, whether that's cost, time, location, culture. I have had letters from Muslim lolitas who want to dress in adorable fashions but still honor their religious standards, like long skirts. I have had letters from girls who are exceedingly poor but have been carefully saving their pennies or learning by nights how to sew.

Like I've said in the past, anyone can have a successful blog. The same is true of lolita fashion, or really anything you want to pursue. In our culture we chase endless small hobbies and interests, a culture well-known for dabbling: the ability to play a few songs on a bass, a brief love affair with knitting, or a dusty collection from when coin collecting seemed cool. Fleeting interest is commonplace. Passion is an abstract word few understand these days, something we reserve for ballet dancers or astronauts. Obsession we are readily familiar with; addiction, an old friend. To become a lolita, no matter your circumstances, it's not really clothing you need. What you need goes by many names - drive, passion, determination... I suppose in this case I will call it a healthy obsession. Decide a goal for fashion self - what you deem to be the perfect idea of lolita. Obsession is your friend. I think all lolitas who truly love the fashion are always thinking about lolita, considering how they're going to meet their own daydreams head-on. Novala Takemoto's 5 Rules For Becoming a Lovely Girl says 'If you long to be a maiden, then define yourself as your own rival', if you'd like to think of it that way.

Every lolita starts as an ordinary girl, accidentally stumbling onto a dreamy world of fashion that makes her want to fulfill that dream, no matter how hard or long the road is. Even as seasoned lolita, after five years, I am always trying to 'better' my style, and redefine it to fit myself. It's been a long journey that I know I have yet to complete - if I ever will. A journey not just about clothes or hair, but also who you want to become. I think that defines the lolita experience... that no matter what, to be a lolita, don't give up.

To finish this article, I thought I'd include a long-beloved favorite poem from Novala Takemoto, who I hope is safe.

I want to become a lolita, you say.
So become one, I reply.
What can I do to look like a lolita?
I have no words with which to reply to this.
You need a headdress, don't you? And a pannier.
Is this coordinate strange?
Is it not wrong for lolita?
Why do you want to do lolita?
Because it's trendy, because my friends do it...
If that's the case, you have no right to wear lolita.
If you just do what the others do, you will look like a lolita.
But I want you to think about something.
Who do you live for?
You think you want to be yourself, but you are afraid of isolation.
You yell that you want to be free, but you take comfort in following convention.
When you are praised for something you don't even feel comfortable with, are you really satisfied?
Girls who wear Vivienne Westwood but don't even know the Sex Pistols.
Even when wearing a jersey, a princess is a princess.
My lolita rules are mine alone.
So you are the only one who can find your own lolita rules.
My god and your god are different, aren't they?
There are angels who wear elegant dresses and play tamborines,
But there are also angels wearing armor and carrying swords whose job it is to fight.
I can't answer your question.
But there are a lot of hints all around you.
You just haven't noticed yet.
What you feel is right is your answer.
Sew frills onto the hem of your heart!
Put a tiara on top of your soul!
Have pride.

Please excuse the previous recent lack of updates to Lolita Charm. Not only was this week my college midterms, but I have been feeling unable to write about Japanese pop fashion while seeing so much tragedy in Japan. Please continue to keep the Japanese people in your hearts and prayers. Click here for more on what you can do to help Japan.




xoxo,

Labels: cultural, discussion, inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 6:54 PM 2 Comments

MIG: New World of the Girls

I ran across this Japanese webzine recently and had to share! (Hopefully I'm not just a dork behind on the times, but...) MIG, short an acronym for Made in Girl, is a Japanese fashion zine created, as their slogan says, by girls, for girls! In fact their slogan is 'New World of the Girls, Created By the Girls, For the Girls'. How powerful is that?! The feminine street fashions of Japan really do seem to be women taking back fashion from the realm of 'what will men think is hot?' to, 'what do I think is cute?' Fashion as self-expression and a personal aesthetic instead of just 'fitting in', fashion as an individual journal entry and not as a showpiece for the rest of the world. I'm in love with that concept. This fashion zine, as well as being online, can also be found for free in random places around Tokyo, according to rumor. It's a grand composite of all your favorite Japanese girl street fashions, from Angelic Pretty and the classiest cake hats around to dolly-kei's Grimoire and the ever-popular fairy-kei mecca SPANK!

xoxo,

Labels: feminism, inspirational, photopost

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 2:21 AM 0 Comments

How to Be Alone (Without Being Lonely)

I've seen this so many times online, whether it be in the weekly secrets, posted as Facebook statuses, or just admitted by some of the readers on Lolita Charm.

"I wish I had lolita friends near me! I wish I could hang out with other lolitas..."

The quintessential lolita of course needs her quintessential lolita friends. I'm sure you've seen it, just imagine a typical Imai Kira or other lolita artist depiction: three frilly girls, differently styled but still obviously a matched set, clustered around a stack of magazines and teddy bears at a slumber party, or out to tea on a blue-skyed afternoon. It's this kind of fairytale that girls imagine they could have, if only there were just a few like-minded ruffle-lovers in their zip code. Heck, some of us would settle for state or country!

But for many lolitas, this just isn't an option. While some places have flourishing lolita communities, others have nary a hairbow or two. Or perhaps you have a large community, but no one you've really connected with. What's a girl to do?






I saw this video a while ago and was very inspired by it. Like the title of this article, it's called How to Be Alone (Without Being Lonely). It's really a well-done and beautiful video, bordering on spoken word and musical performance. After seeing it (and reading several of the SARK books, check her out if you haven't read any!) SARK wrote a whole section on how to be alone. She described plenty of girls we know, or recognize in ourselves: 'I want to see that movie, but no one would go with me'; 'I want to try that new restaurant, but my boyfriend hates Indian food'; 'I want to see the sunrise on the beach, but...' All kinds of wishes that we're afraid to do alone. SARK calls women like that 'captive women.' Their fear of being alone paralyzes them inside their own homes!

I've decided that 'how to be alone' is a life skill everyone should cultivate. After I moved out of campus dormitories, it took me a while to learn how to operate outside of that nebulous of friends and people, who previously were with me always, like a security blanket. Small things like going to lunch or walking across campus seemed daunting. It may seem scary or awkward at first. But like all things worth knowing, it's something you can practice and will get better with time. Lolitas especially can be afraid of going out alone, as we stand out so much. 'Safety in numbers' seems to validate us to the rest of the world, and maybe ourselves as well. But I promise you: being a lolita seulement is not the end of the world. And as much as I enjoy being with my lolita friends (a lot!) it's also very relaxing to be a lolita in the world alone, once you get the hang of it. With this in mind, I compiled a little lesson on how to be a lolita, alone.

Step One: Get dressed up in your favorite lolita style. Pretend you're not going out at all.

If you could wear anything currently in your closet, what would it be? Don't think about 'what people will think' or 'how you'll look by yourself in x'. Anything you want. Do you want to wear your new classic lolita dressed adorned with pansies or don a new wig? A carousel-shaped hat or a creepy bunny backpack? If you really can't detach from the idea that people are going to see you in it by yourself, go for a slighly more toned-down version. The fairy wings are not necessary if it's really going to kill you.

Step Two: Take yourself on a lolita date.

'What's a lolita date?' Oh, you know exactly what I mean. To your favorite antique bookstore. To the cafe where they have salted caramel squares and the best green tea latte. To the Sanrio store where everything is saturated with strawberries and pink. To your local craft store to pick out faux flowers for new corsages. Anything at all the makes you happy and fits your 'lolita fantasy'. If you could dream up the perfect lolita and of course her perfect lolita life, where would she go? A tea room, a public garden with swans? It's just you, so you can do anything you want - no need to compromise with anyone! My most recent 'date' was on a hunt for Sylvanian Families at my local big-box toystore - I'm looking for the bunnies with chocolate-tipped ears! The video above suggests places were people alone are accepted: coffe shops that encourage patrons to stay; bookstores or libraries with silent stacks; small diners or lunch-counters.

Step Three: The Secret...

Don't think about the other people. If they give you strange looks, don't return them. You don't need to engage with anyone who cat calls; politely manuvuer yourself out of situations where outsiders insist on making comments. A tip I once read for walking alone was to look into the distance. If you want to cast an air of leave-alone-ness, this is a good tip. Imagine no one else is there. Perhaps people are looking. But that doesn't mean you have to play into it. If you're not sure you can do this, bring a book or journal. Headphones can be an asset, a social do-not-disturb sign. That being said, resist the urge to text real or pretend friends with your cellphone - it's just a way of pretending you're not alone.

Once you're better at being alone without feeling self-conscious, you can practice interacting with the people around you. Compliment someone's sweater or chat up your barista. Even holding a door for someone with a smile can be a rewarding experience. It's all about learning to be confident - confident enough to go out, confident enough to think 'Yes, I look different but I can still be out in society, that's my right'; confident enough to act as if a girl in a puffy dress is perfectly normal... and the rest of the world just might think so, too.

The real secret is to have fun. It's very freeing to do anything you want without someone else's authority. Leave when you want to. Hide out in the back of the bookstore reading all the best picture books. Draw on napkins your ideas for dream dresses. Wrap yourself up in your own daydream, and you won't even be worried about 'being alone.' Absorb yourself in collecting wildflowers to press, or in picking out nail polish colors. The more you practice, the more you will learn that being with just yourself is a good thing.

For closing comments, here is a translation of Novala Takemoto's small essay (a collection of his advice columns, dubbed Soleit Nuit/Soreinu/ [Night Sun(shine) in English] on 'maidens being alone'.

As the beginning of spring passes, I often hear people discussing a particular problem: “I don’t have any friends! What should I do?” April comes around, and between new homerooms and the like, their environment and surroundings change. People are caught daydreaming while their new peers are forming groups, and before they realize it they are left all alone. When summer starts most are released from this dilemma and enjoy the break with the help of their old friends. However, even in the new season, there are some of these people who are still left alone. They show great strength and continue their lives by themselves.

A maiden does not need things like friends. Maidens are sublime and aloof by nature. In stories, the male heros will form cliques and carry out their activities together. Like in Tom Sawyer, Tom, Huckleberry Fin, and Getalobe, joined together and the three of them made the “15 boy’s drifter chronicles”, and then the 15 had to be together; they weren’t adult at all. But young ladies are different. Alice went through the perils of Wonderland by herself, and Anju helped her brother escape from the bandit’s mountain and was abandoned herself. And if you think about Meg, she was always singing, “People say I can do anything but still/ the witch girl Meg is always alone.” Being a maiden is an “absolute existence.” And being “absolute” is by definition “uniqueness” that cannot be compared to others, so maidens need no companions. Like Ken from the gangster movies, maidens have a cool independence. They say things like, “If I open my heart to people I can make friends,” but opening your heart to others is sacrelige, and you musn’t do that. A maiden’s heart is her glittering jewel, and should not be shown to others recklessly.

A maiden stands coldly like a glass pain that seems like it would shatter if touched, encased in a hard shell for protection, and that maiden, tightly bound in a web of honey and gazing at you all alone, isn’t she cute. There is no need for you to integrate yourself with the common people. It’s okay if people say you’re an “arrogant child” or a “gloomy child.” Thinking you can’t eat lunch by yourself and making friends, that’s a really silly thing to do. Being gorgeously aristocratic like Madame butterfly is an indispensable part of being an independent princess. For me, my tv and potted plants are my close friends.

As you can read in the original poster's interpretation, this was most likely written to console lonely girls who couldn't make friends. Like many of Takemoto's writings, his advice is a mixed bag (this is, after all, the one who calls Momoko his alter ego, not exactly Mother Theresa), but there are some parts of this I liked and thought would end this article well. The maiden (or lolita, or whatever feminine creature/fashion your consider yourself to be) is complete on her own. She doesn't need other people to be perfect, or to exist. There's no reason why she can't eat lunch by herself. There's nothing she needs to validate, to prove, or to find in other people. She knows who she is. I suppose that's what I really take away from this essay... being complete, as yourself, is 'an indispensable part of being an independent princess.'


xoxo,

Labels: guide, inspirational, lifestyle

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 6:03 PM 0 Comments

Lessons from the Jellyfish Princess

After Baby the Stars Shine Bright came out with their Jellyfish Princess inspired dresses, I just had to watch the anime. If an anime is cute, quirky, and preferably a comedy, I can't resist! When I was snowed in at my boyfriend's in the mountains (two days straight of snow and ice storms!) I sat down and watched the entire series of 11 episodes in one day. Heh, my nerd side is showing!

Besides being a cute and funny anime, with plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor, I feel like there was one strong lesson running through the series. To begin with, let me give you the basic syopsis (don't worry, there's no spoilers to the overall plotline):

Several nerdy girls (otaku) with various obsessions, live together in a 1920s apartment building. The story centers around Tsukimi, whose nerd passion is jellyfish (while the others like a Chinese drama, older gentlemen, trains, and kimonos/traditional Japanese dolls). They're all so obsessed with their hobbies that like many otaku, they're rather social inept, and such, are terrified of what they call 'the Stylish' (which seems to be gyaru? XD). Tsukimi winds up making friends with a Stylish, and things take a turn for the worse when they realize that their beloved apartment building is on the brink of being torn down.

So, that's the setup.

One of the themes running through this anime is the idea of appearances. The nerdy girls' social anxiety is strongest when in public, because they're so intimidated by better-looking people - so much so that they often refuse to go out, even to see things that pertain to their hobby - even though she loves jellyfish artwork, Tsukimi had a panic attack at being with so many 'Stylish' in Shibuya and had to return home early  without seeing the exhibit. Seeing all those pretty girls, she remembers her mom hoping that she'll grow up to be a beautiful princess... and feels like she'll never be one. As she says, "I'm not sure where, but somewhere along the line, instead of becoming a princess... I ended up a freak." I think we've all had that feeling - whether looking at outfit snaps, magazines, or just the pretty girl next to you in class... that we'll never measure up. The world can seem full of pretty girls that cast the rest of us into shadow.

After she makes her acquaintance with her new cross-dressing friend Kuranosuke, a 'Stylish', no less, in a bouffanted pink wig and purple spandex tights, she and all the rest of the 'nunnery' as they call themselves eventually get makeovers. While Tsukimi's makeover is mostly for fun, the other girls are required to put on their 'battle clothes' so they can fight against the closure of their building. Calling them 'battle clothes' reminded me very much of a poem by Novala Takemoto, in which he speaks of lolita clothing as 'battle clothes' - the clothing we don as we go into the world, whether to protect ourselves or to protect our right to dreams, it's hard to decide. The exact quote:

These are the battle clothes of the precious ones, the few chosen to fight the many who lack the power to see dreams.

Haha, Takemoto rhapsodizing again about the fantastical majesty of the lolita. But in a way, he's right. Standing up to the conventions of society is a 'battle' - something lolitas do every day. The way it's used in Jellyfish Princess, being stylish is their defense in the battle against everyday society - like being taken seriously at business meetings.  Kuranosuke says, you don't have to change who you are if it's not what makes you happy or comfortable... but sometimes you have to 'put on your battle clothes'. For some, perhaps that's a business suit; for others, a Louis Vuitton bag; for us, perhaps, a frilly pannier and and Alice bow.
Anyone can be a 'princess' if they really want to. I firmly believe that if you want it, it's there. No matter what you look like, what you weigh, how much money you have, your gender, your orientation... It's there. I never thought, as an awkward teenager in high school and often the butt of class jokes and bullying, that someday I could be a model. Between my long, unstyled ashy hair and bushy eyebrows, right down to my ugly shoes and too-big khakis, I was far from anything resembling cute. I didn't know how to wear makeup, or style my hair. In many ways I identified with Tsukimi, the sweet and lovable nerd. I wish I had had a gorgeous cross-dresser to teach me the ropes!

It's only because of lolita that I really felt motivated to 'learn to be beautiful', in a manner of speaking. Like Tskumimi, I assumed I was a lost cause. But because of lolita, because I loved it so much and wanted to be like that so much, I had to try. But at the end of the day, when the eyeliner and hair extensions are safely retired to their drawers - being a princess isn't just about physical beauty. What Tsukimi gains most from being dressed up and primped isn't her looks - she loses her social anxieties of being accepted and can express herself freely in her 'disguise', showing other her wonderful heart and making new relationships. To put it simply, she gains confidence, and learns to be herself. While being attractive is nice, being confident is irreplaceable. Tsukimi, fantasizing about what it must be like to be so stylish, seems much more entranced with Kuranosuke's big personality - though she calls it 'using her beauty as a weapon', it's really more having the guts and sense of entitlement to speak up for yourself: confidence. Believing that you have worth, being proud to be yourself, wanting to let your personality and spirit shine... are the kind of things that make you beautiful. I know that sounds like an after-school special. But it's really true. Don't wait for a modeling agency, a guy, your mom, the online community, or whoever to tell you you're beautiful to believe it. It's not something in your genetics, in your makeup bag, or in a bottle of hair dye. Giving yourself the tools to feel beautiful will make you believe it - and then so will everyone else.


I really hope you watch this anime, it's short but so sweet and poignant. Watch the entire series on hulu.com!


with jellyfish kisses,

Labels: inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 10:17 PM 0 Comments

Punk Rock and Formal Beauty

Being it's so snowy here, lately I've been re-reading my copy of Kamikaze Girls (the novel). The first time I read it, I underlined it and made notes in the margins with the idea of eventually writing some deep, meaningful, book-club-worthy article about it. Such an article never occurred. I think the most precious things to me in this book, I can't express, or perhaps am unwilling to reveal - like a secret heart. All of its grace, for me, is locked beyond the silent, promising lace-and-embroidered style of its book jacket.

As I reached the end of the story again today however, I discovered a new section of the book I hadn't read - or, well, I must have, as I underlined and annotated it, but I certainly don't remember it. I thought I would post it here for you to read, and absorb its wisdom. The parts in bold italic are the sections I underlined by hand in my copy.

(Note: this afterword was written especially for the English/American book release, which occurred after the movie aired/became popular in the US. This afterword is specially written to lolita overseas.)

I imagine that quite a few of you picked up this novel after seeing its movie adaptation.

Well, nice to make your aquaintance. I am Novala Takemoto, a Rococo writer who has been racing headlong in full-blown lolita mode for years, in spite of being a straight male.

Momoko, the girl who tells this story, is pretty much my alter ego. So if you found yourself identifying with Momoko's spirit, it means that I have been understood on the other side of the ocean, and this makes me very happy.

Lolita is a unique form of street fashion that emerged in Japan in the late 1970s. There are no leaders in the lolita world. I am sometimes introduced as an authority on lolitas, and enjoy overwhelming support among readers with lolita tastes, but even so if, if my assertions and opinions do not meet with their approval, I face harsh rebuke. Lolita do not recognize any authority. They follow only the values they have chosen for themselves, regardless of what anyone else might say.

In other words, lolita possess a hard-boiled spirit at root that cannot be attained by men today. "Hard-boiled," that stylishly cool attitude that originated among American men, has thus been passed on to a segment of with-it girls in Japan called lolitas. And it is now being relayed back to girls in America. This may have been inevitable. The reason I have been writing books about lolitas since my debut, Kamikaze Girls and other books, is that the hard-boiled sensibility is the source of my own lifestyle and creativity.

While lolita is a fashion genre that sprang up spontaneously, it does have strict conventions. Bangs must be cute straight across in front of the eyebrows, skirts have to be worn over petticoats, and so on. So long as you stick to these basics, the rest is up to you - you are free to adapt the look any way you please, and give precedence to your own original definition of lolita.

Lolita is a fusion of the spirit of punk rock with formal beauty that honors tradition. Lolitas value independence and beauty above all else.

In Kamikaze Girls, the two girls are drawn to each other's independent natures and eventually come to respect one another. Eve though their tastes and principles are different, they become bound by true friendship because they learn to respect the aesthetic behind those tastes and principles.

...Right around here, I pick up the Japanese copy of Kamikaze Girls that I had placed beside me to write this afterword to the American edition, and reread the last part for the first time in ages. Aah, this speech of Ichigo's is pretty great, isn't it? The one that starts with Momoko here ain't my friend, see?" It brought tears to my eyes. (Hey, don't read your own stuff and start crying!)

Actually, though, I was asked to write an afterword to the American edition and I said okay, but you know what? Everything I wanted to say, which is basically the simple message of "let's all get along while following our own paths and doing whatever the hell we want!" is packed right into the book. I don't really think I have anything to add to that at this point. Just connecting with you, who will be fighting this fight with me from now on, is enough for me.

Wow. Powerful stuff, really, when you think about it. Often Takemoto starts to ramble in a cute, mysterious way, but then he has sudden moments of perfect clarity - and this letter has a few brilliant insights. I thought he said several good points we would do well to remember in this simple, oft-unread letter to the lolitas of then - and now. By the way, keep in mind that he wrote this in what we now refer to as the 'old-school days', most likely somewhere between 2004 and 2006 - right before the sudden 'fashion shift' into the lolita of the 2000s (when Angelic Pretty dominated the scene and the multi-color print began to rise in popularity).

To begin with, he's got us pegged: lolitas, for some reason or another, dislike authority. Anyone who claims to be an out-and-out authority figure on lolita fashion makes our guard go up. The touted 'lolita expert', La Carmina, comes to mind. Now, why is that? I think it's our natural reaction to being 'fenced in' by someone who claims to have all the answers. As soon as someone says, 'I'm an expert on _____ (let's say, classic lolita)' several girls also say, 'But you're not thinking of it from this point of view.' As he continues to say, this is because lolita is something personal. I know we think of it as a fashion, a subculture, a community, a set of guidelines, but at the end of the day your love and interpretation of lolita is with you. Just you. I recently read a quote that went something along the lines of, 'You can talk and share all night long, but when you sleep you all have different dreams.' Within the shape of lolita we all have our own fantasy worlds and daydreams - of place, time, locale, color, and fashion, which emerge through our clothes. I personally tend to find a sense of 'place' - when I see certain clothes, I imagine the scene and world whence they come. Pink House makes me think of grassy fields and old orchards in summer, fading to fall; Angelic Pretty makes me think of Barbie-pink doll houses and retro soda shops. But other girls may get a sense of presence, such as imaging themselves in the clothes, or perhaps a sense of sound (imaging a piece of music?) for the aurally inclined. I know one of my friends expresses her emotions and fantasies in film - I wonder if clothes give her the sense of a silent music video?

As you grow into your style, play with others, and develop your aesthetic tastes, you begin to define what lolita means to you. Not the communities, not what's popular online, not in magazines - but to you. Rather than sitting down to follow the guidelines or a subset, make your own. The other day, as I was thinking about Lolita Princess and its pure look, I found myself dreaming up a substyle! Was it lolita? Was it mori-girl or hime-kei? Was it a little bit fetched from lots of places? You bet. The more styles that seem to evolve and explode from Japan, the more they don't seem so different. Girls are beginning to gladly dabble in everything from gyaru to pop-kei, mori-girl and hime-kei. They seem very different on the surface, but below the veneer they are deeply similar. The notion of dolls, femininity, princesses, heroines in storybooks... are all from the same world, aren't they? Defining your lolita style doesn't need to be simply within the confines of by-the-book lolita. Check out his 'lolita style' above - certainly not your cookie cutter coordinate! He pairs his favorite brand pieces (often Baby the Stars Shine Bright and designer brand Vivienne Westwood) to develop his own androgynous style, veering to more masculine or feminine as he sees fit.

Okay, we're not all androgynous writers cobbling together knee socks and bloomers as pants - but plenty of day-to-day girls redefine their lolita styles out of the box. Moss Garden, for example, is a fine example of a 'lolita blog' that feels free to venture into the other realms of style such as natural-kei, dolly-kei, and mori-girl. Fairytale a La Mode, what we would mostly class as a classic lolita, often wanders down other fashion paths as well. Perhaps this is because as lolitas, it never truly leaves us? As Takemoto says, let's all follow our own paths and get along while doing whatever the hell we want! (...I ramble sometimes, too, but not in a cute, mysterious way. In more of a raised-eyebrow, wait-what way?)

In a way, you could also consider this afterword to be a pep-talk, about independence and bravery and even, perhaps, despite our differences, solidarity. Many of his poems also touch on subjects of bravery. As anyone who has ever stepped outside their front doors wearing a full lolita coordinate knows, bravery - and insecurity - can be constant companions. And that's not to say hiding under the quilt will fix that problem - you can find just as much disapproval online as in real life. Especially for someone who has decided to be independent and go their own way. But as the story of Momoko and Ichigo shows us, it's not their common interests or even morals that bring them together. It's that they recognize the same spark of independence within each other - in an interview, Takemoto calls them 'soul twins', kind of like our saying of 'two sides of the same coin.' After all of his reference to going your own way and developing your own style, he also encourages us to support that independence in others (even if 'others' means gross, spitting Yankis, of course - or, basically, other fashion styles that aren't our cup of tea). He wants us to go forth, be brave, and stand beside others who are doing the same.


I could continue the dissertation about Novala Takemoto forever. Since my lolita journey began with Kamikaze Girls, I suppose you could say that without his writing, I wouldn't be where I am today. So in this small way, I hope his afterword stays with you. Makes you think, or stand up. Remember: the lolita values independence and beauty above all else; the punk rock spirit fused with the beauty and love of a fantasy world. The princess, the doll, the maiden - is finally standing up for her right to be herself. I hope you do, too.


xoxo,

Labels: cultural, discussion, inspirational, recommended reading

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 10:57 PM 0 Comments

How to Be Yourself Online

It's been a long time since I started Lolita Charm, and longer before that were I was simply online, interacting with the lolita community and the rest of the Internet in general. Often when you tend to interact more online than you do in real life, real-life meetings can be nervous! Friends online might be shy at their first get-together, worried that the person they know is someone else when away from the keyboard. The first time I met my first lolita friends, I was so sure they were secretly 40-year-old men I insisted we meet at a coffee shop! But I am very proud of the fact that the girls I meet say that I really am the person I seem to be online. "Huh," one friend said. "I'm so happy that you're really... well, you." But that's not an easy feat. Some girls do seem to have two sides: one for online, sprinkled with tons of bows and glitter, and something totally different for on the street or at meetups.

It's easy to get lured into 'being someone else' online. First you change your name - from something as ordinary as Libby to, perhaps, sparkleprincessunicorn57 (or whatever your preference). Then you use a different little picture to represent yourself. And then you are thrown into a big world where you realize, without your real name or real face, you can be anyone. It's a huge temptation to throw your real self to the wind and play into being whoever you want.

Who do people want to be? Do they spend all their time and energy making sure their 'online self' is perfect? Or there are others who want to be the complete opposite - maybe queen bee, maybe that-girl-who-has-everything, or anything else you can dream up. And what's so bad about that? Well, read this little fable...

“Shouldn’t you be running away?”

“Why should I run?” replied Rabbit. “I’m a wolf. Other animals run away from me.”

The wolf leader tilted his head and eyed him suspiciously. “You don’t look like a wolf to me.”

“Nope, I’m definitely a wolf.”

Labels: cultural, discussion, inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 2:32 AM 3 Comments

Dreaming of Spring (...already!)

December always sneaks up on me. School, holidays and endless 'did-I-finish-my-homework' weekends sweep past and before I know it, I'm making appointments with the date 2011 on the ends of them. I just made an appointment today for June 2011! How is that possible?!

It seems like only a few days ago when I dreamed up my winter lolita style (you can read my winter style daydreams & brainstorm here!), and while I'm still waiting for real snowfall (a dusting is all so far, but enough to encourage the nearby skiing mountains to make more) the fashion world is already plotting spring style. Whether this makes us crazed at keeping up, or hopeful for the eventual blossoms that will pop, spring & its style is on its way!

Every springtime needs a rainbow. Stop thinking one color is all a girl could need - and get them all. For days that feel lavender, or yellow, or mint, or even black - have one perfect dress in every color. The checklist: pink, yellow, mint aqua, blue, red - hunt up lilac, deep purple, white, retro black and white. Give up on neutrals and banish white basics in favor of pink, lilac, soda blue or black for pop appeal. Collect shoes to match and ditch the pointy, tippy heels: revive the original lolita platforms for comfort, height, and over-sized dolly feet. Keep a wardrobe of wigs behind curtains of dot-tulle, in every color and length. Salopettes and shifts are in for carefree days, with nonexistant waists and flirty lengths that are dying to be layered with glittery tights or pumpkin pants. Wear them with as many Sanrio products as you can find, especially My Melody, Little Twin Stars, or even San-x's Korilakkuma - 


Fabric lineup: soft embroidered cottons, breezy t-shirts with inspiring screenprints, super-soft vintage lace, and silk hairbows. Your new allegiances: Taobao & Electric Alice, with a religious fanaticism to Spank!. Favorite themes: anything made with ice cream colors, stars, kittens and rainbows Make your wardrobe look like the inside of your pixelated .gif collection. Anything labeled 'marshmallow' or 'mokomoko' (fluffy) is a must. Snow-dot, pinstripe or tiny florals look delicate next to chunky accessories or big polka dots. Simple curls, pigtails and using all your real hair is a big do - but so is adding an array of mint, sky-blue or lavender extensions for daily wear. Wear MILK, especially in bubble skirts. Make your own fairykei pins with unicorn and vintage My Little Pony print-outs on fabric, made into tiny stuffies and edged with ruffles or lace.


Make every outfit - every item - seems like a piece from fairyland. Don't compromise on anything that seems dull or boring. Order your entire life from Chocomint, and keep hoards of it in a carousel-shaped jewelry box. Follow the lead of real dolls and twin with your Byul. Prints are cute, but design-only dresses reign in their elegant cuteness. Never pay full price for anything that doesn't directly touch your skin, and wear your most expensive purchases till they fall apart. Pencil hours into your schedule for just playing with your wardrobe. Your only wardrobe rule is to wear whatever is cute and comfortable. Collect replica prints right alongside your real-things. Lace gloves make their appearance again, paired with simple-and-sweet faux nails in pretty pastel reincarnations of the French manicure. Wear Ticket to Darling with Wonder Rocket. Layer your skirts with vintage petticoats in periwinkle and powder blue. Get a hotfix rhinestone wand and add them anywhere the light might hit. The first reaches of spring sunlight should make you glow.

Do you have fashion visions for what you'll wear in Spring 2011? Current style crushes or ideas you've always wanted to try in warmer weather? What item would you love to welcome in spring with?

Labels: fashion, inspirational, spring

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 8:12 AM 0 Comments

Six Impossible Things

Labels: inspirational, lifestyle

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 9:45 AM 10 Comments