Lolita Charm: Yogurt is Not Cheesecake: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yogurt is Not Cheesecake: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Your typical office girl opens up a refrigerator. Inside is a looming cheesecake topped with raspberries, sending her into a craze of thoughts: who the hell left this cheesecake out where anyone could just... see it? Can she eat a slice and then skip dinner? If she only eats half a slice and then a handful of celery sticks, do they cancel each other out? What if she jogs in place while she eats it? Then to her dismay and obvious jealousy, her skinny coworker walks up and says, "Mm... cheesecake. I can't resist!" The first girl says begrudgingly, "You even look like you've lost weight," while her rival smugly reaches for... raspberry cheesecake flavored yogurt.

That's the punchline, girls. Well, according to the marketers, anyway.

What's really going on in this commercial? First we see a battle that unfortunately too many are familiar with: a dessert that you want but shouldn't have. Is this girl dieting or just worried about getting fat? She's clearly not overweight in this commercial - why is she so nervous about eating it? What does she see when she looks in the mirror? How many fad diets has she been on that she thinks 'running in place' while she eats it might be a good idea? What about her rival, the envied, weight-losing coworker? Does she envy the control she has over her own body and desires? Is she envious that she seems to drop weight without any of the deprivation and struggle that seem so hard for her? And what about the girl who tricks her body into thinking it's eating dessert while chowing down on fat-free yogurt? Would she rather chuck the yogurt and eat the real thing too, as she slops imitation goop into her mouth, thinking vengefully about her bikini-unworthy butt? Or is she really so pleased that she can happily 'have her cake and eat it too' like the commercial says? And why is she so concerned about saving the 100-odd calories she gets from eating yogurt versus the actual cheesecake? And craziest of all, the marketing think tank down at Yoplait believes that we should be identifying and nodding along in agreement with these calorie-counting, stomach-tricking, jogging-in-place people.

It's enough to make anyone - myself included, making the dog jump - "Just eat the cake already!"

The average woman has a very weird relationship with food. It's like the Mean Girls quote: "Girls who eat their feelings... girls who don't eat anything." Girls can go on juice fasts, liquidize wheat grass, try eating six small meals a day, eat suppliments, take diet pills, count points, stop eating carbs, cut out fried food, go vegetarian, go vegan, go whole-grain, go dairy-free, go sugar-free, go crazy. We know all that already. Every women's magazine, television spot, radio ad, and late night informercial is talking about how women lose weight. Slap on a few airbrushed models, a couple fashion week photos, and Playboy, and we've got our situation put together.

Let's wander out of the mainstream picture and start looking at our own little kingdom, lolita. As I always chant, lolitas are nothing more than regular girls experiencing the world a little differently. We're certainly not immune to the pressures of food/not food, size good/size bad. As much as we want to escape the confines of mainstream expectations, we still can't escape our own ideas of beauty and body image. Lolita, as a subculture, is based around the ideals of fashion, and fashion is based around the notion of being ideal. Fashion is to create an artwork out of an ordinary human being - to be a work of art. But when the canvas you see in the mirror is not like the ones you want to create, how do you cope? Lolitas are supposed to be doll-like, princess-like, mythical - things of perfection. I would estimate that many perfectionists are drawn to lolita, due to its nature - matching colors, tiny details, complex makeup and rigid structure. And perfectionists are the ones most susceptible to the malice of body image, even to the edge of body dysmorphic syndrome. A friend of mine, after a couple comments outright stating such, now worries constantly about a body part in lolita. Is it the usual hotspots - butt, boobs, waist? No - she's worried about her knees. Instead of picking out cute socks or enjoying a new dress, she's trying to figure out how to minimize her knees - tights? Over the knees or knee highs?

Even I have an on-off relationship with food. I spent five years with an eating disorder (anorexia) before getting help; and as anyone with an eating disorder knows, food is always a question mark. Do I want to stop at a food place on the way home, or do I want to put together something made of rice cakes and hummus, where no one can watch me eat these 15 calorie things? Is everyone watching me at the supermarket, and are they counting how many bags of Doritos in my cart? On worse days, the question might boil down to, "Do I want a sandwich or a cigarette?" As a model, especially a lolita model pressing for that ideal, Japanese-schoolgirl size, food and weight became a question best answered with math: if Baby, the Stars Shine Bright insists models to have no more than a 25 inch waist and you're sporting a 24.5, how big is half an inch between you, a brand onepiece, and the model next to you?

As an added monkey wrench, we're all trying to fit into clothes roughly the same size. Some developments have been made with brands putting out multiple sizes of clothes (like shoes, in small, medium, and large), but for the most part each brand has a figure in mind that they produce for. There's the Baby sized girl, the Angelic Pretty sized girl, the Innocent World sized girl, and the increasingly tiny Mary Magdalene girl and Juliette et Justine girl. Are you lucky enough to be dead in the middle of your favorite brand's measurements, or are you constantly checking sizes and shirring and waist-ties and length? Do you fall in love with dresses you can't fit into, only to get them home and realize the awful truth - or do you have 'thinspiration' dresses, dripping with ice cream cones for an added touch of irony?

When I started writing this article I wanted to be able to culminate with some kind of up-with-people, down-with-beauty-standards, womyn-hood chant. I wanted to say that we, having escaped the mainstream for our own beauty ideals, could flaunt away those body image problems like ribbons on the wind because aren't we special, magical little cupcake princess (breathe, breathe - I know this departs from LC's usual magical princess motto, but bear with me!) But let's face the facts. It's not true. Let's ditch the cheesecake-flavored yogurt-consistency lies and be real.

But I refuse to believe there is no hope. I refuse to believe that 'girls will be girls', that like countless generations of women before us, will forever be pinching cheeks and rouging lips and looking in the mirror and wanting something more.

The first step to getting real? Talk about it. When commercials, photoshoots, magazines, brands and even friends push you that carton of yogurt, pause. Break down the commercials and what they're really saying. Realize that models are air-brushed and go home to empty kitchens, measuring quarter cups of rice. Accept that fashion advice doesn't have to come from online forums and faceless usernames. Stop measuring out food in quarter cups and waists in inches. Measure out food in hunger and energy. Measure out clothes in beauty and comfort. Put down the magazine and wear what makes you feel the most beautiful and confident.

As for me? I went to the Cheesecake Factory - and ate the real deal.

Psst - want some music to listen to while you read this? Try Sticks by Alix Olson.

Labels: culture, discussion

23 Comments:

At June 16, 2010 at 4:33 PM , Anonymous said...: An inspiring article, as always
At June 16, 2010 at 5:06 PM , theblackram said...: Heh, as someone right in the middle of dieting and everyday exercise in the hopes of losing inches to fit into beautiful clothes, this article really hits home. I just wish I hadn't treated my body so badly in the past few years through an excess of physical inactivity and stress eating. But man what I would give for a piece of cheesecake right now.
At June 16, 2010 at 6:22 PM , Hime said...: Victoria Suzanne,

Yesterday I thought about killing myself. This article made me wonder about recovery.
My name is Morgan. I guess you don't know me well, because I've never commented on your blog before, even though I've been reading it for a few months now. I'm currently struggling with anorexia. All I could think while reading this was, "look. look at her. she's beautiful, she's a model, she's an amazing blogger. And she knows exactly what it's like. She lived, she went through recovery".
I can't say this article is going to make me go out and eat again, but please know that there are no words to describe how lonely I felt before, and how much hope I have now that it's not hopeless.

Your fellow Lolita,
Morgan.
At June 16, 2010 at 7:43 PM , PinkJucie said...: i've recently began a diet but i had to put it off cause i live with an abusive grandma and some times food isn't always available which is why am so fat cause she won't leave me enough food so my body stores the fat and i am fat cause she over fed me when i was little but it got worse when i got a job she told me if i wanted some thing that i could pay for it my self but i got fired now i live off of what she gives me i didn't think it was that bad till i couldn't get out of bed cause i was so tired and weak i've been eating raw vegetables cause she doesn't use them when she cooks so i am fine for now
At June 16, 2010 at 8:10 PM , Anonymous said...: Victoria, awesome timing! My next survey is about Lolita & Diet! Weird how we were on the same page? :D

Great work, love!
At June 16, 2010 at 10:29 PM , KittyDragon said...: *thumbs up*
At June 16, 2010 at 10:29 PM , Srta Keiko said...: wooo
interesante historia
n,n
At June 17, 2010 at 1:10 AM , Celly said...: wonderfull work!
where can i listen to sticks?
At June 17, 2010 at 6:04 AM , Bluie said...: This is a really nice piece and very inspiring.
I'm currently on a diet, I would be partially lying if I said I wasn't doing any of it to fit better into my loli clothes and all for my health.
With that said, I would so eat the real deal. There is nothing wrong in treating yourself.
At June 17, 2010 at 10:11 AM , Anonymous said...: It's funny because a makeup commercial came on last night and my mom starred at it and said in a whistful voice "Look how perfect her skin is". I turned to her and was like "Mom... that's not real. She has a team of makeup artists and a crew of cg artists giving her that 'flawless' radience." It just made me so sad to think that not even my mother is immune to the lies we see. It's plastered all over the media and given us such a warped perception of beauty. We need to love ourselves for who we are, not an airbrushed illusion. Excellent article!
At June 17, 2010 at 9:46 PM , Nikki said...: Well put! Though it is a good idea to exercise a tad after the cake, imo~ Not necessarily to lose weight, but just to be healthy! Besides, cake is much too good to pass up - it's usually sooo cute too! ^^b
At June 18, 2010 at 9:29 AM , Anonymous said...: Thank you for talking about this. It's brave of you, especially to talk so publically about your own problems. I respect you deeply for it.

I had problems with eating for a while too. I understand how difficult it is to deal with it. It's awful to feel ashamed of yourself for eating any more than maybe three carrots from the roast in front of you that your mother spent three or four hours making. It's awful to feel so ashamed that you can only eat three carrots in the first place, or you'll be feeling so sick with yourself that you'll want to throw it back up.

I hate it when people say things like 'Oh, god. That idiot, can't she just go eat a sandwich? God, it's not like it'd hurt the little drama queen!' But it seems like we've got a culture of blaming the victim on our hands. Not to mention one where you're frowned upon for dieting, but also for not dieting - nobody can win.
At June 18, 2010 at 10:39 PM , Lady Kraai said...: I'm doing everything I can to not care as much about my weight. I recently gained over 20 pounds and at first it worried me. Nothing fit me properly anymore, I have horrible stretch marks on my hips and of course the media crushed it all into some weird mental mess.

However, after hearing brave words, such as the ones you have just written, I realized that I was healthy. As a child I was severely underweight. I barely ate and was weak and tired constantly.

People shouldn't worry about how much they weigh, or if a certain dress fits. (There's always custom sizing or replicas or what not.)

People should worry if they're healthy or not.
At June 19, 2010 at 9:16 PM , indigo_tide said...: As a girl in constant battle with herself, just trying to keep my chin up despite my scale not moving (and it needs to at my size), I was really nervous reading the first couple paragraphs. It can be really hard to be a part of the loli community at times, although my confidence usually soars the more fluffy my layers are. No matter what size you are, what brands you can wear, you live in fear of judgment by those who should embrace you. So much of that makes this what it should not be. It takes courage to don those clothes at any time, so I don't understand why there are people that don't respect those that still embrace lolita no matter their size, religion, disibility, or whatever else might make you unique. It's sad and hard to see it happen in the damaging communities that exist.

I should like to think there exists princesses of all sizes. ;)

But you really had a positive message here, and I appreciate it. I just was worried (as many large girls would) about the tone of a rant coming from someone as obviously brand-sized and beautiful as yourself. Larger girls have it built in to expect all girls to be Mean Girls too, which makes it hard to communicate as well. So big hugs for surprising me. :)

As I eat my slice of banana bread and raspberry iced tea at the super-posh Bob Evans. XD

It was hot, I needed a/c and wifi to dine alone.
At June 20, 2010 at 4:01 AM , Unknown said...: That is a great article, and I am sure is very helpful to many girls. Thanks for posting it. :-)
At June 21, 2010 at 11:13 AM , Mykki said...: Great article, but whenever I read something like this I am often struck by the realization that I am one of few girls without body image issues. I love food. I love to eat...it sustains me AND it tastes good. I love the challenge of tailoring, so I don't mind if a piece of clothing doesn't fit me to a T.
At June 21, 2010 at 6:10 PM , beata-beatrixx said...: This was obviously deeply personal for you, so thank you for writing it. I have had very serious issues with food in the past. I didn't realize how serious it was until I dropped from a size 20 to a size 8 and was STILL scarily depressed because I wasn't a size 4. I never even stopped to celebrate my weight loss along the way because of this obsession with attaining some far-off, idealized goal. Now I'm taking the time to eat my proverbial cheesecake.
Though I do still love that yogurt XD
At June 22, 2010 at 11:11 AM , The Big Mac said...: Your blog is SO inspiring! I'm raving about it to all my friends, you cover Lolita style & issues so well and make it possible for somebody with little knowledge of Lolita to understand. I'm a clothing designer and find the Lolita style very beautiful, thank you for your inspiration! (http://the-big-mac.blogspot.com) xx
At June 23, 2010 at 6:05 AM , 上心上心 said...: 初次拜訪，踩踩您的格子，跟您拜個碼頭囉~~.................................................................
At June 24, 2010 at 4:38 AM , Douce Frivolité said...: Uuuh, food's really a difficult issue for us, specially when you are overweighted. Being honest, I went to the doctor to start a diet because I didn't feel pretty at all with my body, but Lolita clothes were so many reasons to be strong and keep healthy. Now that I'm so next to a really healthy weight I find myself wanting to loose more just because those stupid Japanese people have irreal measures! I'm clever enough to realize that it's so stupid, though, but that's what they're doing to so many girls.

So girls, please, don't think you're not beautiful enough just because you can't fit in a dress.

Thank you very much for such an inspiring article, Victoria Suzanne :D
At June 28, 2010 at 1:45 AM , Roko Kins said...: Your blog is inspiring!
At October 22, 2010 at 5:54 PM , Nymph of the Archers said...: I loved this artical. I personally have never had issues with food. I enjoy my food. In fact, my friends in college, when they saw how skinny I was (Not really. 27" waist is normal) one of my friends was like "You had better eat." when we walked into our now usual dining place. And then I proceeded to eat more then her. XD

My solution is if I feel "fat", I tell myself "Well then, get off your lazy arse and work out instead of watching T.V!"
At June 18, 2011 at 12:07 AM , Dahlia Discord said...: I don't know if you've seen this but the commercial has been taken off the air.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/does-this-commercial-encourage-eating-disorders-video-2497971/

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yogurt is Not Cheesecake: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

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