Lolita Charm: Jeepers Creepers

Friday, February 26, 2010

Jeepers Creepers

I'm naturally very young looking. Starting when I was 18, I began almost aging in reverse - the older I get, the younger people will mistake me for (in mainstream clothes or alternate fashion like lolita, mori, or fairy-kei). And admittedly, I do tend to look at least five years younger than my actual age - people have even asked me what I am doing at my own college, or have questioned my driver's license. This week however, I was labeled as the youngest yet: eight years old. The older man behind me at my campus coffeehouse asked me many questions about my outfit (casual sweet style, with a t-shirt and Bodyline candies skirt) before saying with more than a little hint of letch in his voice: "Because you look, like... eight." Feeling offput, I said firmly, "I'm not eight." He grins at me and says, "I know."

This was only one of many experiences as a lolita where I've been harassed in an uncomfortable fashion by strange men. I've been called a prostitute. A friend has had a man at a gas station press a business card against her car window with his name and phone number on it. Any lolita I know has at some point been afraid for her safety due to the quintessential 'creeper'. Nor, unfortunately, is it limited to what I wear - as any woman knows, you can be made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in anything from a mini-skirt to a balaclava. I am reminded of this quote recently floating around, which I reblogged on my tumblr (unable to paste into my composing platform, so please excuse the link).

As lolitas, we stand out. We draw attention. And the motifs we choose are youthful and childlike (though I hesitate to say like children, as most modern children prefer to resemble tiny teenagers or copies of Hannah Montana. You can say we are more of an idealism of childhood and its various historical eras than actually dressing to resemble them.) I have been told that dressing in childlike clothing will get me unwanted attention from men with a taste for such things. I have been told that lolitas who whine about attention from strangers simply shouldn't dress that way. And yes, when in public dressed as a lolita (or other unusual style), you will inevitably talk to more people you do not know about how you are dressed, or what their opinion is of that, good or bad.

However - and I strongly believe this - just because we dress differently doesn't mean we agree or deserve to be harassed, especially sexually harassed. This, in my mind, is akin to saying a girl dressing in revealing clothing is asking for it, even it is as subtle a declaration of, 'Well, what did she expect people would say?'. If we prefer not to be harassed, then we should stop dressing as to be harassed. As the quote above brings to light, and continues to mention in the corresponding article, we have placed the burden of safety on the would-be victims and females of our population, instead of reprimanding sexual harassers and educating men on what it is like to be a woman.

As lolitas we continually assert our right to dress however we like. As any lolita will tell you, we dress as we for ourselves. We dress for our own sense of beauty, not for anyone else's. If we choose to wear cakes as accessories or coffin-shaped purses; if we choose to wear fluffy skirts or giant pink bows. And we should be able to do that without expecting it to come at the price of our personal safety.

I know this is not exactly related to lolita as per my usual articles on Lolita Charm. As women who dare to go against society and stand out, however, we are braver and more at risk than most. I consider myself a feminist, meaning a world where women are equal to men - not only by their payroll or their opportunities, but by their simple wish to walk alone without fear. This is not only about being safe. This is about women standing up for their freedom.

You can help: relink to this article or quote.

(photo found on tumblr, credited to this post.)

Labels: culture, discussion

20 Comments:

At February 26, 2010 at 11:21 PM , C.W. Cheresh said...: Bravo and hear hear! I completely agree. I can't quite stomach the feeling that people are in essence telling us to stop dressing a certain way instead of turning to those creepers and faulting them for being, well...creepers! No one should feel unsafe just because of what they wear.
At February 27, 2010 at 12:18 AM , Happiimilk said...: Hear hear, dearest!!
I hate the creepy looks men give me, and I hate the awkward comments, but I dress for myself. Not for the approval of anyone else.

Besides, I find that I dress more appropriately than most young ladies these days given what they wear. Painted on pants and super short mini skirts that barely cover thigh or rear! I fear that draws MORE "unwanted" attention than a few patterned frills.

Though no one, for any reason, should feel a threat to their personal safety based on their dressage alone. :\
At February 27, 2010 at 12:40 AM , Heidi said...: First, I have to say...creeps are allowed to get away with it because criminals have more rights in this country than victims. Thank the ACLU, and a serious lack of constitutionalist judges.

Second, I couldn't figure out how to comment on your tumblr account. I think you should name your poodle puppy...Darjeeling.
At February 27, 2010 at 12:41 AM , Anonymous said...: All genders get harassed, no matter what they wear or look like :(
And that Shakesville blog is really heavy stuff!!
At February 27, 2010 at 4:10 AM , Sabrina Nielsen said...: Wow, what a creepy dudes!
And thanks for the link to Shakesville. That was a fascinating read.
At February 27, 2010 at 6:41 AM , Silje said...: thanks for a really interesting read:)
Last week, I went to Paris... apparently in Paris, you're not meant to wear bright colours if you're a girl and don't want to stand out...in a bad way. me: bright red coat, turquoise hair, a bit of poof. ooohhh man. As I was with friends all the time, I only got the looks and a comment here or there, I won't try to imagine what would've happened if I was alone.
The quote is definately something to think about.
At February 27, 2010 at 9:59 AM , Lady Christina said...: Amen! I used to have the mentality of that quote, but now I know better...it's not anyone's fault but the creeper! And people really need to see it in the same light! Even though I have no Lolita items, I'm not afraid of wearing Lolita in public once I do. I wear what I want for me and me alone. Plus...I'm the type who doesn't like being alone, so I'll always be walking with someone be it my boyfriend or a gaggle of frilly friends...not to mention...breath spray=pepper spray if you hit the eyes!
At February 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM , Marchii said...: sometimes there're men (mostly on the internet) that follow me and talk and talk to me and ask me about my style..that's kind of creepy... I look 10-to-12 years old, I'm 17 and I study in University.

I think dressing lolita isn't as provocative as wearing a mini-skirt. Here in my country when you dress lolita people will stare at you and sometimes make comments (good or bad),I think you shouldn't get harassed because lolita isn't sexy or seductive... so we shouldn't be afraid to go out with lolita clothes...
At February 27, 2010 at 2:29 PM , PinkJucie said...: i know who you feel if you dress a cretin way your attracting men and your asking for it but if your not your gay
At February 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM , Arika said...: It's certainly not someones fault because they dress alternatively. The fault should lay on the other person for thinking it's ok to do that.

http://tuxmann.blogspot.com/2006/02/dont-rape-her.html
At February 27, 2010 at 6:20 PM , Mykki said...: Kudos!
At February 27, 2010 at 6:25 PM , Anonymous said...: this quote about sums up a lot of things i tend to get really, really angry at. i mean: i don't go around sexually harassing some weirdos, so why should they be allowed to do so?
i think dressing in lolita (or any fashion looking really different for that matter) is brave and i take pride in doing so. if i walk around campus in my beloved frills, with my head held high i feel like a big bad walking talking "i have the right to be different and so do you" because i think people showing other people that they can in fact be different without a big black whole openign in the sky and eating them alive, then they will become braver themselfves and it will spread. at least i hope so.

so who's going to be harassed: the girl that is always an the watch, the one that is scared to death, that some drwadfull day something terrible is going to happen or the one who is out living her live, brav and sure of herself? i choose to be the latter because it just feels right.
At February 27, 2010 at 9:49 PM , Anonymous said...: Yeah,I've been through similar things all my life.Because I look younger and age well and dress young and cute.People mistake me for 13-12,when I'm 18. 0_0.But I tend to always have my headphones in my ear,and keep a pep in my step to avoid too much controversy.
At February 28, 2010 at 5:28 AM , Chrissy said...: What you say is true - you shouldn't have to dress down to avoid harassment. But at the same time, saying that won't stop creeps, and dressing up will still encourage them. Clothes DO sent a message whether you intend it or not, and some people take the wrong message. A feminist's utopia has not yet been achieved, and until it is, people still need to be careful.
At February 28, 2010 at 7:12 PM , Anonymous said...: Chrissy, you are right that clothes do send a message. However, I highly doubt that you can blame the clothing for the sole cause of harassment. Women are harassed and victimized even when they wear t-shirts and jeans. I guess someone just got the wrong message from that, huh?

And a feminist utopia will never happen. Men, who are naturally stronger, need to be taught to respect women/femininity <--- this seems to be a core problem. Men need to call out other men on their behavior, and teach males that this sort of lecherous behavior is NOT okay. People may have the right to make comments, but they should also bare responsibility for the comments they make.
At March 1, 2010 at 4:05 PM , Anonymous said...: AMEN!
This is an important topic and I'm glad you choose to speak on it. Luckily, I've never had to deal with this kind of harrasment, but I know there are too many girls out there who have.
At March 8, 2010 at 2:49 PM , Anonymous said...: bit late but... one thing i noticed among lolitas is the mention of how other, modern fashions look "slutty: and imply that dressing in lolita is superior ("other girls want to be whores" kinda thing). This is an attitude that needs changing too. All girls, whether in alt fashion or mainstream fashion... don't accept that one's value is based on the clothes they wear.
At March 13, 2010 at 2:10 PM , Lavender_Blush said...: I agree; this is something that happens to everyone! Even to girls who dress in mainstream fashions, i'm glad you realize that!
I would like to be able to go to the pool without being looked at, you know?
At March 23, 2010 at 7:43 PM , sara star said...: I could wear a freaking sack and I still get hit on. People can be disgusting and think that if a person goes out in public, it gives them a right to harrass them!
At May 26, 2010 at 3:37 PM , Anonymous said...: Amen, sisters! (That's all I have to say)

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Friday, February 26, 2010

Jeepers Creepers

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