Lolita Charm: How to Stop Waiting on Prince Charming

Monday, February 15, 2010

How to Stop Waiting on Prince Charming

We're girls in frilly dresses. I'd bet my bottom dollar that most of my readers own at least one tiara, and actually consider it a real fashion accessory. Probably half of them can claim allegience to the Disney Princesses as a miniature pantheon. And between himegyaru, hime-lolita, and crown-shaped rings, I think it's easy to say that the princess complex is pretty common among lolitas (I won't rehash that!). But it also seems we've inherited a similar fatal flaw - the Prince Charming complex.

74% of statistics are made up on the spot, so I won't venture to guess how many girls find themselves on the look out for Prince Charming, Mr. Right, Brad Pitt, whoever. But if the secrets are any indication, plenty of girls are dying for this mystery man with great hair, a big bank account, and killer fashion sense. Or maybe you simply want a realistic relationship, complete with date nights at Taco Bell, movies on the sofa, and kisses on the cheek. Or maybe you're looking for a Princess. Either way, it seems like everybody is waiting for their balcony scene, somebody we're especially reminded of around Valentine's Day.

I'm not going to tout out the power suits and the tired line of 'Singles' Awareness Day', or decry boyfriends or girlfriends or relationships. If you've met your true love (as my college professor refers to her long-loved signifigant other) then I'm very happy for you. But this is for all those girls who spent Valentine's Day rewatching romantic comedies and wondering where all the good men have gone.

I've been single for quite some time now, often inciting my friends to wonder why or even what's wrong with a single girl such as myself. The answer? There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, I think everyone should spent a signifigant period of life single. If you're a repeat serial dater, you'll never get to really date the person who's most important: yourself.

So without further ado, this is my recipe for being fabulous, single, and not waiting for anything.

Being single doesn't make you a shut-in. I know that many women are afraid to go to things alone without a man or a gaggle of girlfriends. Have you ever scrambled for someone to see a movie with? Have you ever bypassed your favorite restaurant because going in alone would be awkward? This might especially be true if you're in lolita and feeling self-conscious. But here's the big secret to being alone and out on adventures - you call all the decisions. Want to spend two hours watching the swans swim? Or perhaps you'd like to order endless bowls of soup instead of a meal? You can. Be your own tourguide and sight-seeing captain. You make your own schedule, and nobody has to man-stand anywhere. If you want to know more about traveling alone and spending time alone, I really recommend the book Succulent Wild Women by SARK. This book is an artsy, handwritten collection of anecdotes and watercolors, where she discusses having adventures and getting over the fear of being alone. She spent many years traveling to islands by way of couch-surfing or doing odd jobs, and experienced many dinners without the company of a signifigant other.

Cultivate fabulous friendships. There is a lot to be said for a good friendship, whether with boys or girls. Ask them to go on dates with you - a date meaning any set time to interact one-on-one, shopping in unusual districts or visiting all of the kittens are your local pet shop. And don't limit yourself to few friends, or friends that only seem like the usual type of people you like to know. Make friends in different cities, or at work, or with your hula dancing class, or be penfriends with someone from the other side of the world. Being 'alone' doesn't mean being lonely. In fact, some of the most fufilling relationships in life are the ones that aren't romantic at all.

Live glamorously. Whatever that means for you! Build yourself the kind of lifestyle you would envy in another person. Attend fashion shows. Get your dog fabulous clips. Know your way around any item on an Ethiopian menu. Take roadtrips with boxes of Mike-and-Ikes in the glove compartments. Not, like a girl throwing herself into work or fake smiles, to distract yourself from the fact you don't have a romance in your life, but because you honestly want to. You want to be your idea of a perfect life, you want to be your idea of the best you, you can be.

It's not that I've stopped looking for Prince Charming, who I keep hoping is on the next train or at the next Starbucks. It's simply that I've stopped putting my life on hold for him. Because when I do finally meet this person, I don't want to be asleep like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. I want to be the kind of person... who's wide awake.

What do you think? Are you waiting for Prince Charming? Are you tired of going to look for him? Or after many frogs, are you realizing that the royalty you've been looking for is yourself?

Being single and fabulous, in my opinion, is the prerequisite to being partnered and fabulous. Here are more links to love:

How to Find True Love

The Secret to Loving Yourself

100 Ways to Start Loving Yourself Right Now

art by Liliothe of Deviantart.

oh! and I'd like to thank my secret admirers for this week's valentines and secret! I hope we'll continue our love affair yet ;)

Labels: culture, discussion

13 Comments:

At February 15, 2010 at 12:57 AM , KittyDragon said...: This is a great post and I support this in every girl/boy 100%. I am very lucky to have found my prince charming(well as charming as he can be) but it wasn't always that way. I had many years alone but I wasn't sad about that. I took the time to get to know myself and be free. I became a person that I liked and loved and I believe that what brought love to me. You must love yourself before other can truly love you. So "all my single ladies" stay single, have fun and love will find its way in.
At February 15, 2010 at 5:49 AM , Miss Freya said...: I'm single and right now, I love it! I've been going on dates, meeting fabulous new people and going places I might not have gone when I was attached. I spent Valentine's Day with a lovely person, we went for a wonder around town, attended the Chinese New Year Parade and went for dinner. It was lovely ! But I don't dislike being on my own, quite frankly, I love myself!
At February 15, 2010 at 7:31 AM , Hello Naka said...: great advice
At February 15, 2010 at 11:55 AM , Anonymous said...: Beautiful post! And truely amazing, as always. :)
For anyone who still wants to find "Prince Charming", here is my biggest tip, and what I did to find my Prince. Look for someone real. Not the best boyfriend, but the man to be your best friend. In the end what good is a man who is only a boyfriend if you can't run to him like a best friend? Untill then, as you said, enjoy being single. :)
*hugs-n-kisses*
<3
At February 16, 2010 at 1:07 AM , PinkJucie said...: i have no time for a bf and i don't need one i still have problems with people touching me
At February 16, 2010 at 9:21 AM , Lady Christina said...: I fully agree with this post, as a Princess who's finally found her Prince Charming (he's really, really sweet I sometimes feel like I don't even deserve him lol). I've spent about...hm...50% of my life single (including childhood since I'm almost 20 >.<). I was tormented by my peers as a child, so for the longest time I had a self-hate complex thing going on and it just made me this little pathetic thing that hated everything she was including her looks. So my first two boyfriends were...well...let's just say trolls, after that my exs' were pretty cool...except one who was just a...troll using some weird magic to disguise himself as a Prince (lol fairy tail terms semi-rules my life).

ANYWAYS, I was single when I was introduced to Lolita and the internet (the two things that helped me find the True Me through all the lies and garbage classmates put on me because they didn't wish o get to know me) and that helped destroy the spiral of self-hate, so now I love myself and I FINALLY love how I look.

So single ladies it is true...enjoy being single...you'll find more and more things about you that, if you had a man in your life, it would be overshadowed by him. Once you find your True You...love finds it's way in naturally because you're being yourself. Trust me...I know...
At February 16, 2010 at 11:26 AM , Anonymous said...: Great post! And I absolutely agree that spending time being single is healthy. Honestly, it allows you to get in touch with yourself. I was in a serious relationship which ended badly and my best friend at the time (who is now my husband) kept asking me out as soon as I broke up. I had to explain to him that I needed time alone to connect with myself, and I'm happy I did. It really helped me live my own life. Eventually I started dating my dear friend and fast forward 9 years and now we're married, but that time I spent alone was essential to my development and to enjoying my youth.
At February 17, 2010 at 5:13 PM , Anonymous said...: I really love reading posts about being independent and happy, but as someone who's never had a lasting relationship and has been single for a significant portion of her life, it's sometimes hard to relate to. I've been struggling the last 4 months with what appears to be a fruitless relationship. I've given my heart to this man, and I genuinely felt like this was reciprocated. But lately I've been feeling like I'm only on the giving end of this and have not received love the way I would like. I'm hoping this post will help me to reclaim my once fearless independence and find a way to either help this relationship grow or to call it off.
At February 18, 2010 at 11:41 AM , Anonymous said...: Wow, that was beautiful. I even teared up a bit. :) I've never been in a relationship, but I've been hoping for one for a while. However I've also been trying to live for myself, and really explore my own interests and such. Still, the lack of (nonfictional) princes in my life does get a bit discouraging. So thank you very much for writing this--it came at just the right time for me.

I've been reading your blog for a while, and I've always found your words very insightful and encouraging. I don't have a wardrobe yet, but I'm a Gothic Lolita at heart. I like your style tips too, though I'll probably end up doing them with roses and black lace. ;) (I do love sparkly/shiny things, though.)
At February 19, 2010 at 8:24 AM , Anonymous said...: I've been lurking around here for a while and I want to say now, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whenever I start to lose faith in the world, in other people, in myself, in Lolita, I read your blog and it reminds me why I fell in love with the fashion in the first place. You've taught me to accept and love myself, and to see the beauty in the things around me instead of walling it all off in unhappy cynicism. Your positivity and your wisdom always inspires me. Quite often it moves me to tears.

So, I'm sorry for this rather unrelated comment, but I wanted to say and I'll say it again, thank you so much. <3
At February 19, 2010 at 1:33 PM , indigo_tide said...: Being single after a long relationship (although now not single again, however long distance so I'm still on my own most of the time) had me realize SO many of the points you make here. No debating about where to eat, I still often have no problem dining out alone. I can see movies without anyone else's commentary, and it can even be a kiddie or chick flick. I have to worry about no one but myself, because I ultimately have to be the one to take care of myself most of the time.

I came to know so much about myself, my own desires and needs in that year I spent single. Dating was a little rough, but in the end knowing myself best helped me end up with someone equally awesome and right for me. He doesn't have a big bank account, but a smile is worth so much more.
At February 19, 2010 at 3:33 PM , Anonymous said...: You are right... being single rocks. It is a time when you can decide exactly who you want to be, even by trial and error without the fear of disappointing someone else or losing them because you have evolved.

That being said I am no longer single and have some definite opinions on "Prince Charming." I wanted for the longest time someone who would treat my like a lady (never been into the princess thing but it is pretty similar.) I found dates who would (or trained them to) hold open doors, shower me in compliments, and spoil me rotten. It was nice, but in the end unfulfilling. The man I finally chose to marry, when asked why he didn't open the car door for a lady repiled "you are a big girl; you can do it yourself." I was flabberghasted! HOW DARE HE not know how to treat a lady! but I realised that he truly respected me as a capable intelligent woman more than any of the door openers ever had.

I found my prince charming. He just took a form that was different than what I had imagined.
At February 22, 2010 at 10:46 PM , Anonymous said...: Great article! <3
Incidentally, I was having a conversation very much in these lines with a guy friend of mine the other day... He's been so eager to find someone these days, and feeling very frustrated because of his past relationships.

I believe that you have more "bad" relationships when you're very desperate to find someone. You put away a lot of your critical sense and self-respect in exchange for a chance of being with someone... at this rate, you care less about the person you're with, and much more about the fact that you "have someone", that you're finally "not alone"! And so you accept whatever shit that person does to you. =/

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Monday, February 15, 2010

How to Stop Waiting on Prince Charming

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