Lolita Meetup Debriefing: For Your +1

So you've decided to attend a lolita meetup. Doesn't seem unusual, does it? You may have been to plenty and even hosted a few. But you've decided to throw in a monkey-wrench - bringing your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, or newly interested pal. How do you prep them for meeting a big gang of lolitas for the first time? Just make sure to cover these topics:

Labels: boys, etiquette, meetup

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 10:54 AM 2 Comments

Public Property & Paparazzi

Somewhere near you, someone is staring. You can feel there eyes on you. That's nothing new. But then you see the glint of something in the light - a camera lens. Someone you don't know, who hasn't spoken to you, let alone asked your permission, has decided to take your photograph.

If you go out in lolita, you've probably received plenty of reactions to how you are dressed. That's something that we expect and can handle relatively well, especially as you get used to it. But what if you find yourself the subject of unwanted photographs, either on a cellphone or a regular camera? At what point do you stop being an ordinary citizen and become a museum piece, flash-photography allowed?

The public has this notion that as soon as you do something outside of the realm of the ordinary, you become public spectacle - probably a throwback to the days at the old Elizabethan fair, where for a few pennies you could stare at the physical deformities, which then turned into the circus-era 'freak show'. People are torn between fascination and fear of the 'other', which naturally may cause them to ask questions, stare, etc. You can read more about dealing with the public in my previous article here. But photos add a whole other dimension of issues to the topic of dealing with the public.

For one, it's not something you should put up with if you can. To reduce someone to a mere item or entertainment is not something I support. The public can make their remarks, they can think whatever they like, but they do not get to jeopardy your personal safety or sense of humanity. What these people fail to realize is that they aren't just photographing a thing; there is a real person under the clothes. But let's save the feelings for another day, and talk about something more important: your personal safety.

It can be dangerous to have photos you don't control the location or content of. I was being stalked for a period of time and my college published photos of me without permission in a giveaway notebook - if my stalker had seen it, he'd have known where I could be found and what I currently looked like (having changed my appearance since then), as well as what classes I was taking (due to location). Thankfully this hasn't occurred, but it is something to consider. As soon as a photo is published on the Internet particularly, it has the opportunity to be seen by anyone - as many have found out through Facebook and Myspace. I know that my photos often appear elsewhere, and therefore don't include ways to identify my location - like a house number, for example. As lolitas, posting photos of ourselves is one essential way for us to connect - sharing coordinates, hair, and makeup. But those photos definitely have a way of traveling, so be careful what information you reveal deliberately or inadvertently in them. Now add in that you don't get to control the information of the photos, and you can see the hazard.

It's debated as to what your recourse is on this topic - are you allowed to be photographed in a public place, and what exactly constitutes a public place? The mall, the sidewalk, at your school or place of work? Regardless of what the legal issues settle down to, here are a few ways you can react when you see the flicker of a camera focused on you.

• Speak up! If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, call them out on it - politely and with a little wit if you like, but let them know that you - and subsequently the people around you - are aware of and won't tolerate their behavior. Usually this will embarrass them enough to flee the scene. If anything, it also sends the message that this is just not socially acceptable behavior - people are people, whether they are perceived as 'normal' or not.
  
• Buddy system. If you're walking around on the streets, have a friend with you or for super-protection, a giant beefy boyfriend of yours. If you're too shy to say something, they will. If they're not used to the public reaction to you, prep them first - "Don't be surprised if we get a lot of attention, and if anyone seems to be bothering us, please say something."
  
• Security! If someone is really, really persistent - don't be afraid to call on your local security, whether it be towards the establishment, campus police, or even your local police. If you're in a store or another place where they don't allow photographs, mention this loudly. You may not have much recourse in a public place like on the streets, but in private establishment, you do.
  
• Not all paparazzi is bad - if they ask politely or seem mostly harmless, I will usually let them take a photo. Recently, I was approached by one of our exchange students on campus, after I saw her taking a photo at a distance. She complimented my style and asked for another, so I didn't really see the harm in that. If someone asks, I will usually also pose for them.
• Fans and parasols: If you're really worried about your face floating around the Internet or a stranger's camera, carry a fan or parasol with you, or if either of these is too big to tote, perhaps a decorative handkerchief. You can use these to block your face if you see someone angling a camera towards you. In a pinch, you can also use books and newspapers, or possibly duck behind a tree or other person. It might sound a little silly, but in the case of stalkers, it can be important (as I discussed above).
  

Labels: discussion, etiquette

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 12:40 AM 1 Comments

Lolita Q. Public

In my previous article 'Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome' (whew, mouthful!) I discussed the general reaction of the people around you as you venture outside of your little bubble and into the big wide world. But now I want to delve a little deeper. Let's not talk about them - let's talk about you. The Lolita is the lead character in her namesake novel, isn't she? How are you going to react to the world around you? Do you want to live your own story or not?

Going out in Lolita is like a microcosm exercise of life. You are presented with hundreds of opportunities to decide how you want to interact with your world. Consider it like a fairytale: every person you meet affects the outcome. With that in mind, think carefully about how you act in lolita in public and how you want to feel and be received.

Labels: discussion, etiquette, inspirational

posted by Victoria Suzanne @ 2:25 PM 5 Comments