Lolita Charm: Lolita Q. Public

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Lolita Q. Public

In my previous article 'Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome' (whew, mouthful!) I discussed the general reaction of the people around you as you venture outside of your little bubble and into the big wide world. But now I want to delve a little deeper. Let's not talk about them - let's talk about you. The Lolita is the lead character in her namesake novel, isn't she? How are you going to react to the world around you? Do you want to live your own story or not?

Going out in Lolita is like a microcosm exercise of life. You are presented with hundreds of opportunities to decide how you want to interact with your world. Consider it like a fairytale: every person you meet affects the outcome. With that in mind, think carefully about how you act in lolita in public and how you want to feel and be received.

I cannot even begin to tell you some of the magical things that happen to me when I am out in lolita. It is like putting on a pair of glass slippers - suddenly the world seems to put fate working in my direction. Maybe it's my mood seeping into other people, or maybe there is some kind of natural high hidden in petticoats, but that's how it seems. For example, when I was in Hartford recently, I happened to run into a very pretty boy named Skye. He crossed the road specifically to talk to Miss Julia and I, asked for a photo (which he set as his wallpaper) and then proclaimed us both beautiful fairytales. Can you imagine how differently that would have gone if we hadn't been open-minded and friendly about being approached by bystanders? We would have missed the entire interaction!

A lot of girls, especially new lolitas, feel defensive when approached. I have seen girls swear, yell 'What are you lookin' at?!' or even give the bird. By acting defensive or rude, you are sending the message that what you are doing is not okay - you feel vulnerable. Not only that, but you are walling yourself off from people who just might be your fairy godmother in disguise! It makes me wonder how many karmic trains we might have missed because we were not paying attention or were too stubborn to go. But if you act sweetly to the people around you, you are expressing that your outfit is perfectly ordinary. The more you do this exercise, the more you will begin to see it as perfectly ordinary. As a new lolita, you're very aware of being stared at. You might even be staring a little yourself - are you really wearing this giant hairbow?! But as lolita becomes more and more a part of your life, it seems less and less out of the ordinary.

But there is also a gift in lolita that can be accessed beyond civility. You are, after all, masquerading as a fantasy on the sidewalk. You have a rare opportunity to play fairy godmother to someone else! Waving at curious children, thanking complimenters, or even just being beautiful for beauty's sake. We lolitas always say we dress for ourselves - because we like it and for no other reason. But there is also the secret wish that perhaps we might brighten someone's day the same way lolita has brightened ours.

A friend and I once discussed this very thought - as we stood on a city streetcorner, in bright pink wigs and dresses. It isn't just that lolita makes you feel happy. It's deeper than that. Lolita makes you feel so happy that you want other people to feel happy too. I think this is a powerful emotion, to want to spread your happiness. When I dance, something similar happens to me. I can't help but smile as I perform for other people, who I hope are enjoying watching the show as much as I enjoy performing it. If misery wants company, and smiles are infectious, then what does that say about us as lolitas, or more importantly, us as human beings?

So when you leave the house in the morning, think about who you want to be. Are you going to be the kind of person looking for fairy godmothers? Are you looking to be one? Or both? When you face the world, what do you want to be remembered for? In the words of Alice's Caterpillar,

Who are you?

Labels: discussion, etiquette, inspirational

5 Comments:

At May 9, 2009 at 11:45 AM , Caitlin said...: Great post! You always talk about really interesting things. I tend to have a good outlook on things when I start the day, like I get dressed and ready to go and feel really pretty and pumped. But as the day goes on and my feet hurt from new shoes or my over-the-knee socks are slipping and I am ready to get out of the clothes I think my attitude changes. I become more aware of stares and feel that they are trying to attack me. I feel paranoid and like you said vulnerable. And if people make a comment, even just a curious statement or slight compliment I take it in a negative light. Maybe I am trying to stretch the experience too far, try to hold on to the good feelings that lolita gives me until I am spread too thin and lash out on other people. Maybe lolitas need to know themselves and their limits a little better too.
At May 9, 2009 at 9:31 PM , Anonymous said...: Another beautiful article <3

I think most girls don't dare to go outside or go outside with a very negative attitude because they're only thinking about what bad things could people say about them, especially if, like me, they live in an ugly grey town full of mean and rude people. That's perfectly normal. However, one must think and realize that children, elderly and maybe even commoners and businessmen/women will fidn your outfit to be very intriguing, very fun, very interesting and special in the good way!

Another thing I'd like to point out is that I'm naturally a very shy person. The Lolita might be walking with a very sulky and negative attitude because they think everyone will shout or say bad things about them, that everybody will find them weird. Lolita is streetfashion, of course there will be people who, without any criteria nor manners, will indeed say negative things to you, say their thoughts out loud or simply whisper to their friend about how odd you look, right? Shy lolitas tend to think the whole world is against the way they look, and I say that because that's what I sometimes feel. We should learn that not everyone will find us odd, and that maybe there will be people who will be curious and actually NICE and ask us gently about our clothes, or maybe even lolitas in disguise who will be very glad to meet another lolita!

And my last input for you: I think every lolita should try to be nice in public, as they're representing their subculture. What if someone who has just seen a rude lolita will think every lolita is like that, frilly little brats? We need to put up our very best attitude and show the world what we're made of: layers and layers of lace, indestructible and protective against bad comments, layers that will keep you up in a good mood and that will make everyone feel like they're on a big poofy cloud. I think it's very important to be our nicest to people, even if we're having a bad day, so we are at least seen as sweet people as a whole. Maybe bypassers won't remember your face if they see you again, but they'll recognize your fashion and say "Oh, those girls are always so nice!". That'll make both you and the rest of the world happy!
At May 9, 2009 at 11:03 PM , Julia said...: I'm glad you finally posted about this! I think the angle you took on it was interesting and effective. This conjures up the handful of events that made me decide to be friendly whilst in lolita - my mother telling me it was a pleasure to look at me, a group of little boys being very excited that little red riding hood was on the subway with them, and, of course, Skye :p.

You're right about the vulnerability thing - lolitas or other strangely dressed people will come off as insecure and therefore wrong when they become defensive and aggressive.

Remember the little children watching you hoop and playing with the bubbles in W. Hartford Square? :D
At May 10, 2009 at 4:17 PM , Anonymous said...: Thank you for posting this! This is how I feel about going out into the world in my lolita clothes. I feel happy in my clothes, so I enjoy spreading the happiness to others :)

I am a friendly person, and lolita fashion lets me express that even though I am shy. It's like a social icebreaker. Lots of people come up to me and say nice things. I love it when alternative fashion girls compliment a part of my outfit, and I make sure I tell them what I like about their outfit too.

I think because of my positive attitude and confidence in wearing the clothes I love, I get a lot more positive reactions than negative ones. There is always going to be the silly man who calls out "Freak!" in front of his 8 year-old daughter, but one can always hope that those people will become more open-minded when they don't see an angry reaction. Plus, with that guy, I hope his daughter becomes a lolita when she gets into her teens or follows some other alternative fashion so he has to learn that all people are different :D

Gotta love the older ballet dancer who rushed up to me, grabbed my hands and exclaimed "What are you wearing?!" She loved it. And I find it really funny when strangers do things like that :D

Wearing lolita clothes in public is worth it for the reactions of older ladies alone! :D
At May 11, 2009 at 3:43 PM , Victoria Suzanne said...: thanks for your very insightful comments, everyone! It's always fascinating to hear other lolitas speak from their points of view :)

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Lolita Charm

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Lolita Q. Public

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