Lolita Charm: The Beauty Myth: A Lolita Redux

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Beauty Myth: A Lolita Redux

Recently I've been reading The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolff, a feminist work discussing how our society's deep need to beautiful is impressed upon women as a form of control and dominance. Its prime point is that beauty and the desire to be beautiful is used to make women

We as lolitas often strongly feel the unspoken, society-wielded 'control' over our individuality: the continual rejection and dismissal of the lolita is in hopes of making her get back in line and behave. The people staring, the man asking if it's Halloween on the subway, and the rows of raised eyebrows. As I've previously discussed in Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome, the mainstream is constantly adjusting and hemming at the edges of society, trying to homogenize everything from fashion to politics. So when the Beauty Myth hit home in an unusual way - fear of being considered inadequate to society's beauty standards controls women in much the same way we as lolitas are afraid of being ostracized.

To bring the idea home: how many times have you felt like you'd rather stay home than go out with that monster pimple on your chin? The days you dread going out with hair that won't obey? What about days you find yourself constantly adjusting your petticoat and not meeting people's eyes? Are they different? Or as a lolita, even as we try to rebel from the mainstream, we can still be held under the spell of the Beauty Myth. Movies and television insist that only beautiful people deserve to have their stories told, or even more strictly, that stories only happen to beautiful people. And as we primarily consume magazines as a culture, we are shown that only beautiful people are lolitas - perhaps, to an extreme, that only beautiful people should be lolitas.

Now, on a logical level, we all know that's not true. Lolita is a wide fashion movement involving women from all areas of the globe, spanning the entire spectrum of appearances. If lolita fashion feels like the right way for you to dress and express yourself, then you shouldn't be barred from that just because you're not on the cover of magazine. But despite being rebellious, enlightened ladies of the 21st century, we're still taken in by the Beauty Myth. As we've seen through online confessions and secrets, it's obvious that the lolita community still has the many symptoms of the Beauty Myth: eating disorders, shapism, body dismorphic disorder, fear of aging, and competition rife with lookism everywhere. Is there any backing to this? Is this cultural structure impossible to escape, or do we have an added factor?

Lolitas chase the doll or princess ideal, at the very least that of an elegant lady. In our clothes, we strive for perfection - perfectly layered ruffles and buttons, perfectly lined-up knee high socks. In our appearance, we look for perfection also: perfectly brushed-out bangs, turned-out curls, and exact liquid liner. Hair perfection has been chased so much that wigs have been introduced to the scene, almost consuming natural hair; natural hair switches in the wind, bends out of shape, and can't hold a curl, whereas the wig always looks perfectly shaped and shiny. Photos and tutorials for natural hair are becoming fewer and farther between. False eyelashes are becoming more prevalent as well; and some lolitas never show their real nails. Perfection has made us hide our real selves in order to fit into the lolita version of the Beauty Myth. In a himegyaru documentary, one girl admits that she feels happiest when she feels 'completely artificial'. There is safety in being artificial, a complete construct of product and perfection meant only for photos and sculptures. Artificial things are perfect, and even if they are judged to be imperfect, it is something that can be fixed. Souls that are laid bare are much more vulnerable.

And what about when you are unable, for any reason, to achieve the look you crave? There are periods in lolita when girls retreat from the style, discouraged that they're not measuring up to the competition or their ideals. "It's making me depressed," I've heard friends say often. "I don't feel like keeping up with it for a while." Some return, some don't. Even I have experienced thoughts like, "I'll never get this coordinate to work," or "My hair won't do anything today, I just want to give up." There are times when you feel you aren't worthy of even the image in your head, let alone the image out there. Which is the stronger? Which holds you back more?

Is there an answer to handling the Beauty Myth? Well, yes and no. On the one hand, playing into 'being artificial' - being someone else - is a lot of fun, and perhaps some of why we like lolita and other extreme alternate fashion. You can be pink-haired or blue-haired or both with wigs; have crazy curls your own hair would never master; make your eyes look dramatic or cherubic with soft lashes. I love the artistic side of lolita - something I'd never want to give up! But on the other, not being aware of the Beauty Myth and its possible side effects has dangerous consequences. The Beauty Myth says that women are only as smart, funny, talented, or successful so long as they are beautiful - despite all else. All worth comes after our appearance. The antidote? Keep that in mind. It's easy to get trapped into that thinking as we watch the world go by, obsessed with beautiful people (celebrities, models), their fall from grace (so-and-so celebrity massively gains 55 lbs! other-celebrity gets not-so-secret nose job!), and the constant revolving circus of beauty products, anti-aging, roots, weight gain... the list goes on and on. Know that no matter what your hair, nails, clothes, skin, or body looks like today, you still have so much to offer the world. You don't have to be perfectly beautiful or even be a perfect lolita. If it's an ordinary day, I wear my real hair. Sometimes my bangs will blow around, sometimes my hair will uncurl - and it won't look perfect. But don't let this stop your from living your life. Dolls are beautiful. But they are hardly real.

Fight the myth. Be real.

Labels: cultural, discussion, feminism

14 Comments:

At September 24, 2010 at 2:51 AM , Rosalynn said...: I often don't really know what to say to these kind of entries, except that it's very honest. I really admire your way of writing and yes, it's very true.
I think that to me, Lolita is a way of being partially me, partially someone else. It's a bit strange for me to say this, since I've never walked around in a complete Lolita outfit, but I am collecting things and I know how I will feel.
Very beautiful entry and very inspiring too.
At September 24, 2010 at 7:53 AM , Anonymous said...: I always love your discussions concerning social ideas and fashion - they're always so inspiring, and it's fascinating to think about the joins between the meanings and perceptions of a fashion and the feelings behind it.

It's strange to think that so much of what we think is fed to us like this. No matter how beautiful a girl is, she's never allowed to be quite happy - in one way that's comforting, to realise that everyone feels the same, and in another it's frightening that it's so ingrained in us from the moment we're able to understand the words of an advertisment that unless we're not ourselves, we won't be loved.
At September 24, 2010 at 9:55 AM , Unknown said...: Wonderful insightful post. Thanks. :-)
At September 24, 2010 at 11:53 AM , Lyona said...: Dear Victoria,

First of all, let me thank you for all those wonderful articles you have been writing!
I found your blog a couple of days ago, and can't stop reading ever since. I decided to comment here after reading your 'Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome' and 'Lolita Q. Public' articles.

I could say I am a beginner Lolita, which would be partly true - I definately am a beginner, and I am not entirely sure I will ever become a true Loli. I started as a 'casual goth', so to say. :) I fell in love with thick fabrics, lace, gloves, corsets, parasols, and once upon a time, wearing skirts and corsets on a nearly daily basis, I discovered Lolita. I love the fashion itself, the attitude, the manners and the idea it is (was?) based on - namely the ones you write about in the above mentioned articles: being a princess, a fairy godmother, and just being your beautiful and lovely self. As time passed by, I realised they are not that far away from each other as they might seem.

Originally from Hungary (Central-Europe), I have spent 3 months in London this year, and to be honest, I loved the public reactions there. During the very first weeks, when a black dye ended up green on my blondish hair, I basically panicked. See, I was used to people here in my home country, staring at you even if you wear as much as a hat. Later, when going out, I realized that in London noone gave it a second glance. You could see girls with pink hair, sparkly boots, goths in tophats, crossdressers, anyone on the subway, really. A gril with green hair in jeans and jacket was nothing special.

When I came home, I continued with my goth-ish style, being happy with the lovely skirts and corsets I found in England, but could never have bought here at home.
And yet again, people stared at me. 'Why is she wearing a long skirt in summer?' 'And what is that stupid thing on her waist?' 'Ribbons? Why?'
I felt sad, dissappointed, angry. After months of freedom, this narrow-mindendness made me upset. And however cliché it sounds, I realized the only way to fight this is not caring about it.
I dress in corsets and bluses and look like a princess, I take my parasol when walking around, and just to be on the safe side - always carry a book with me to be burried in when travelling with public transport.

I still notice people staring at me sometimes, but when I see little kids looking at me with huge fascinated eyes, I never forget to smile or wave at them. It really makes ma day, and surely theirs, too.
As for my friends and family? They got used to it. They never really bothered, to be honest. Most of the friends did some live RPG in their life anyway, and the reaction I get from them the most often is 'I SO WANT your clothes!' :)
As for my dad, he works for the theatre, and guess what? Loves the outfits.

I know I am lucky. I know I am lucky to have my friends to support me, my family to compliment on my (usually thrift-store!) clothes, and I am lucky to be able to have the confdence to walk by staring people. But I do believe in that you should wear what you feel nice and comfortable in, what makes you feel good, and just try and be yourself. I failed with that for years and years, hiding, worrying, being shy - but finally, I did it. I could, you can, so never give up! :)
Dare to be - yourself.
At September 24, 2010 at 5:09 PM , Anonymous said...: First of all: I love the picture you used. Yes, it's almost grotesque. But....if we'd seen a girl with only one kind of eyes, or the other, they would seem normal to us. It's when you put them side-by-side that you really see how unnatural the lolita eye look can be.

But secondly, here's my favorite Naomi Wolf quote:

"For I conclude that the enemy is not lipstick, but guilt itself; that we deserve lipstick, if we want, AND free speech; we deserve to be sexual AND serious - or whatever we please; we are entitled to wear cowboy boots to our own revolution." - Naomi Wolf

I sometimes feel guilty for being obsessed with something so superficial as clothing. I'm not a full-time lolita, but I do like to dress in an interesting fashion. And I do wish more people were creative with their clothes. But at the same time, people have the right to truly not care about clothing--if they're clean and dressed for the weather, the rest is none of my business.

And I do occasionally wish I wasn't so vain. I go camping by bicycle a lot, and frilly skirts just aren't practical, but it bothers me how ugly some of the practical clothing is. I try to find a happy medium, but it's hard.

I think the biggest thing, is that we all feel free to be beautiful, to acknowledge we're *already* beautiful, and at the same time, not to judge other people on their choices....which is hard! I find myself scowling and making snarky comments to my boyfriend about what ridiculous things hipsters wear...and then having to vocally remind myself that I like clothing that other people find very strange. If they're happy, and I'm happy, then what does it matter?

I also enjoy picking and choosing what parts of the beauty standard to buy into. Yes, I own makeup, and I occasionally wear it. But not every day, and I try to have fun with it. I decided a long time ago that I didn't care about my body hair, for instance. (Thankfully I live in a town where that's not so unusual.)

It's such a complicated subject, and so fascinating...
At September 25, 2010 at 12:33 AM , Unknown said...: I always thought that my depression over lolita was rare and thought, in the back of the mind, that it meant I wasn't cut out for it. This definitley helped nix that doubt.
Living in a small town, I literally never see other lolitas in person. So the only time I see others coordinates is online. But what I forget to think about is that for every lovely coordinate poseted, there's many imperfect not-quite-right coordinates. Thank you so much for reminding me that everyone's only human.
At September 25, 2010 at 3:30 AM , Psu said...: I must admit, I try perfection every day. But for me, that's like a game. I love playing with my clothes, and the makeup and personal appearance have an important role too. I just have fun applying my eyeliner (and doing-it-wrong-and-removing-it-and-let's-start-again!), choosing my eyeshadow, brushing my hair...

But I know that every night I will come home, I will take my pink face cloth and all the magic will go away... Like Cincerella's dress. And just like every girl who uses makeup.

But I don't care, I know I'm just another human girl, and tomorrow will be another fun day to try new things~ And if I wake up tomorrow and I thing "hum, I'n not in the makeup mood today", I will just wash my face and "hello world, here I am! No dramas about my eye shape! *sings*"

But I think, "well, ok, makeup and wigs are artificial parts of me, but they're parts of me". I don't know how to explain it lol... They're parts of my personality. They make how I am too. Just a little bit, but they do. Like every thing that surrounds me.

Wow, I think I'm writing such a long and messy comment, I'm sorry!

Thank you for all of your posts, they make us think and also have fun~ <3
At September 25, 2010 at 8:52 AM , Anonymous said...: Lyona, sadly not all of England is like that. London's amazing - nobody cares a bit that you look terribly odd! But outside of the big cities much of England is really quite conservative. I live in one of those little traditional pockets in a tiny village where me popping down to the post office in head-to-toe pink and sparkles gets a lot of strange looks and insults, so I know how you feel about the frustrating narrow-mindedness of people.
I just wanted to add that I really agree with you, that the only way to fight it is not to care - never to give up the way you want to dress because someone else doesn't like it. C: Nobody's self-esteem should rest on the shoulders of other people, and the haters wouldn't respect anyone more for giving in and showing them that they won.
At September 27, 2010 at 11:43 AM , Anonymous said...: Really well written. Don't have much to say about it yet, it made me think alot. Could you tell me what the himegyaru documentary you mention is called and if it is avalible with english subs?
At September 27, 2010 at 7:12 PM , Anonymous said...: "Dolls are beautiful. But they are hardly real."

I love you for this sentence!
At September 28, 2010 at 3:42 AM , Anonymous said...: I loved this post and felt that it was extremely well written. I've got a question that I hope you don't mind answering. If I remember correctly in one of your previous post you mentioned wanting to look like a doll. Did your views changed since writing the previous post? Do you still want to look like a doll?
At September 30, 2010 at 7:31 PM , La'Lorena said...: Wow... those 2 lines:
"Souls that are laid bare are much more vulnerable." and
"Dolls are beautiful. But they are hardly REAL." They hit home in a personal way. Wow.
At October 5, 2010 at 5:20 PM , Shelby Demona said...: Thank you! I am recently new to the Lolita world and am trying to come up with an outfit to make myself, possibly. However, this was something I worried about, because I am not really thin. I am petite and have a lot of muscle content, as well as big breasts. I was worried that if I started being a Lolita of some degree, others would be aggressive because I don't look like the normal Lolita. This helped a lot! Thank you!
At October 18, 2010 at 7:08 PM , Whitekitty said...: Hello, i really loved your post. I´m from Mexico city. It´s very dificult to be a lolita here, even though it´s a big city, people are very narrow-minded. They always ask if i´m from a play, or if i forgot halloween is over or the most funny but stupid... -Hey, there goes Alice in Tacoland!!!- or the last one they told me, -hey, you look like taken out of an utopic story- I really didn´t know how to take that...

But here, there are like, three kinda big Lolita groups. The one I´m at, which I believe stays closer to the natural look, and most of us just use minimum make-up, no wigs, and almost all handmade. The other group is a not lolita, (but they say they are, but there more like maids than lolita), and the third group, the ones with money, they wear wigs, only btssb clothes or angelic pretty, inocent worl, they go to san francisco to buy there clothes and things like that. They say we are not Lolitas cause qe are not pretty (though they are incredibly fat, sometimes they have to sell the clothes cause they dont fit in them) , cause we are poor, (compared to them) and cause we don´t care about looking like beautiful dolls.

But, I´m one of the older ones, i always tell the new ones not to let the other girls bother them, or the other people, including there family, cause older people are very close minded. That being lolita is not about starving to death, about going to a spa every week, or dying your hair blond... it´s just about being yourself, being creative, dress like you like, not to follow others... if you fell good putting on a lot of make up and starving to death, it´s ok cause you are happy, if you just like to dress casual, that doesn,t make you less lolita, cause here, we lolitas, are more about filosofy and thoughts, not about who has more clothes...

I feel sad when little girls in there 13 or 15 go to the reunions all sad without there dress cause they felt it was not good enough to be called lolita...

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Beauty Myth: A Lolita Redux

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