I'm going to deviate a little today. I am tiptoeing out of the world of material lace and ribbons and edging surreptitiously into the world of real fairy tales - the things we imitate but hope to be true.

For as long as I have been writing this blog, I have been asked, questioned, applauded, and ridiculed for being something akin to an airy-fairy princess. Somewhere between optimistic and delusional lies the true gem that is positivity, which has long masqueraded until the titles of the 'silver lining', 'the Secret', and 'wishcraft'. I choose to simplify this down to terms that make sense even to the smallest children - the magic.

It's the same magic that brings the Velveteen Rabbit to life. It is the magic that unlocks the secret garden to Mary, gives Anne of Green Gables her Idlewilde, and makes a little prince love a rose more than anything else in the world.

These are all examples from literature or fairytales - the place where magic is most prominent. But art imitates life and vice versa, so it goes to show that magic exists in the real world too. But perhaps it's a little harder to come by - because the big unknown is that you have to make it yourself.

People have often asked me about my positivity, especially after the recent article about chronic illness and lolitas. That's not the only problem weighing on girls today, too - other things like stress, schoolwork, eating disorders, relationships, money troubles - all made into a thick lasagna to bring you down.

Some of these things may seem like common sense or even a little silly - but they're things people would do well to put into practice rather than just file away under good advice. In the words of Alice, 'I often give myself very good advice - but seldom follow it.' By practicing these tiny little things every day, you can weather through even the hardest of situations.

• start a gratitude list. I've been doing this on a weekly basis for about two or three years now, and basically it's done like this: write down in a journal, online, wherever, a list of absolutely anything that made you happy that week. It could be a new dress in the mail, yellow tulips on your walk to school, or a first date. The scale ranges from a great new microwave dinner up to getting a new puppy. It doesn't matter what's on it, so long as you do it. By compiling all those things you've decided to spend at least a little time focusing on the positive things that happened to you that week. Sometimes I add photos I really love, or doodle in the margins.
  
• sleep. Sleep enough, even if it means going to bed earlier and recording your favorite shows. Get some nice pillows, a comfortable comforter, and get in there and snooze. It's good for your skin and your mood. My saying is 'sleep luxuriously'. It's written on my white board!
  
• smile. Now that my hair is really noticeable, I get more attention than ever when just out and about - lolita or not. The best response? Just smile! If you've disarmed someone with a snarky comment, then good if you've made someone else smile, all the better! Small interactions make such an important part of our day, really. Humans are social creatures through and through, a fact we can't escape - even though we try, especially in New England where stranger interaction is a big no-no (in New England we like personal space, clam chowder, and for everyone to mind their own bees' wax, apparently). Wave at children in the school bus stopped next to you at a light. Smile at the lady staring at your from the produce section.
  
• cry. When things get really tough, choose a time when you can have your cry. It's important not to keep yourself bottled up. If you're having a hard time crying even though you feel the need to, choose a few melancholy songs to listen to. If you prefer to be alone, you can; or you can ask a friend to stay with you. I think when it comes to harder things like illness or grieving we want to stay strong, and not show emotion; but letting it out once in a while keeps it all from stockpiling.
  
• fuel yourself. As a lolita and a person I know that I have a strong need to see beautiful things and feed the visual area of my brain, so I'm on a lot of image communities. If you're more of an audio person, collect music that makes you feel happy.
  
• sunlight. Get some. Even if it's very dark, there has to be a scrap of it somewhere - or you can buy special lights that replicate sunlight. Back in ye old caveman days, we lived in caves so much that our bodies developed a taste for Vitamin D, obtained from sunlight and giving us a shot of serotonin. Serotonin is that juice in your brain that makes you feel happy. Because in America we've just switched to this funny thing called Daylight Savings, and it's officially pitch-black at four in the afternoon, I might even try switching to a dawn simulator or some full-spectrum light bulbs to soak in.
  

Do you notice a pattern in this list? Every one of these things has something in common. It's you. I didn't mention any ways to deal with your boyfriend, mom, dad, best friend, roommate, bullies, or whatever. You can't change other people. In this algorithm everybody gets free will, the above included. The only person you can change is yourself and your reaction to other people. Make yourself your most important project. Decide who you want to be, what changes you want to make in your life, make a game plan, then do it.

I think this ties in well to lolita. Lolitas dress for themselves, they spoil themselves instead of waiting for anyone else to do it. Momoko of Kamikaze Girls drops everything to make herself happy - and granted she wasn't always moral in doing so, but isn't that admirable? In a society where women are supposed to sacrifice for the good of the family and everyone is supposed to 'take one for the team', isn't it important sometimes to care for yourself? Even though we as lolitas are known for saying, I do this for me, it's easy to get even that wrapped up in other people. When I get up in the morning, I do my best to pick out what I want to wear and how I want to do my hair based on how I feel. Maybe today is a day to doll up, or a day to go without makeup at all. Does anyone else ever feel that they wear makeup or a certain clothing style because people 'expect' it? It's not always easy to flout that pressure, but if you practice, it will be easier. As my Twitter followers may know, my grandmother (circa 1914, by the way!) threatened to shave my head... because I have pink hair. I told her if she shaved my head, I'd shave hers ;P If that's not the result of practice, I don't know what is!

So, how do you live magic, beyond a few extra winks of sleep and a little me-time?

If someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up as a child, I probably said something like most little girls: a veterinarian-ballerina-princess-movie star. But I think that today I'd still say, I want to be a princess when I grow up. That's sort of a personal thing to say, I know, and that it opens up to a whole bucket of criticism - that the idea of princesses doesn't really exist, and that even if it did, it'd be a load of poppycock. Or maybe the Paris Hiltons of the world are the real princesses these days - rich, tabloid-worthy, and someone we'd prefer not to emulate.

But I don't think that's true. To say I want to be a princess is to say that I want to live my life deliberately, with the intent to see the world as beautiful. I want to have my heart on my sleeve, and proudly; I want to help others be happy, too. We've been trained to say we want a certain profession when we grow up, like a fire fighter, a doctor, an astronaut - but that's what we want to do, not who we want to be. I'm probably going to go into marketing, work at an advertising firm, maybe write a book some day. I'll work nine to five and someday they might insist that I trade out my beautiful pink hair to become a brunette. But that's all secondary. Those are just on the outside. As Sara Crewe said (can you tell that A Little Princess was my favorite book growing up? I had a huge one with illustrations!), 'It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold. But it is a great deal more to be a princess all the time when no one knows it.'

I don't think that 'being a princess' is something you ever arrive at. I think it's something you strive to be, not to do - to continuously try to be open, be compassionate, and harm none. You could say that just falls under the title of 'being a good person'. To me, being a good person means helping out at soup kitchens, paying your taxes on time, and recycling. Which are all wonderful things, but they're more about social responsibility. They're not about who you are on the inside - what's in your intentions, your energy, your heart.

Instead, consider your heart your own project. If you try to make magic happen in your life, it will start happening to you.