Lolita Charm: Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome

A girl recently brought up the age-old question about wearing Lolita in public. 'My friend says people will laugh at me, they'll stare and point fingers and whisper,' to paraphrase her worries. 'Is this true? Do these things happen to you?' she asks the older Lolitas.

Yes, the public reacts when something outside of the norm is introduced to them. Something doesn't look the same - something has stopped them from sleepwalking through their day. How often do you see people who look different enough to notice when out in public? Maybe you think, those are nice shoes, or, those sunglasses are cute. But for the most part, people are dressed the same. I spend a lot of time in waiting rooms and you really get to see what people wear on a day-to-day basis. A lot of jeans. A lot of gray and black. A lot of hooded sweatshirts. Something as simple as a purse in a pop of lime can attract a viewer's interest - because everything else is so uniform.

Then there is the Lolita. She not only breaks the usual rules, she breaks all of the obscure ones, too. Sometimes just wearing bright colors like pink or mint or baby blue is enough to get you attention. I once brought stunned silence to an urban McDonald's restaurant on the simple matter of wearing a non-lolita pink coat. Compared to the black puffed jackets and gray bombers present, people felt uncomfortable. People feel uncomfortable when things do not go according to their expectations of the world; and when people feel uncomfortable, they would like to Do Something About It.

"Hey, Cinderella! It's not Halloween!"

See? That's his idea of Doing Something About It. It makes the cat-caller feel like they have voiced their problem, and tried to nudge the unusual thing out of their world experience. Maybe by belittling this thing, they think, it will go away and stop bothering me.

But then question is, does this bother you? Enough to stop wearing these things? If you're reading this blog, your answer is most likely, 'No'. There are people who say, 'I couldn't wear that,' when they pick up something unusual. 'Oh, it's so pretty, but I'm too old for this/people my age don't wear this things/I'm not the kind of person who wears this.' A friend of mine said recently, 'This is a gorgeous fur coat, but it's too much for me, I can't wear this. I'm not that kind of person, who can get away with wearing something so flashy.' I said to her impatiently, 'Why not? If you like it and wear it with confidence, who's to say you can't be flashy?' Where did this notion of, I'm not that kind of person, come from? Who told you that you can't be something?

Yes, it takes bravery. It takes confidence. But remember that you can be anything you want to be. I know, this gets said all the time, and people say, 'Oh, it must be easy for her. She just says it and it's true. Maybe she's delusional.' You can do it, too. That's really the way it is for anyone. If you want to be that mysterious girl in clouds of pink dresses with stars in her hair, you can be! If you believe it yourself, you will become it. If you want to rock a pair of huge fetish heels, or layers of My Little Pony colored hair, then do it. If you act like this is a gorgeous thing and business as usual, people will follow that. They take their cue from you. The attitude you project swings out like a huge beam of light, hits the walls, and bounces back to you. I find that I almost never receive negative attention while dressed in Lolita (as you know, I dress mostly every day, and mostly to the nines - not 'casual' or 'inspired'). If anything I get cooed over and made much of. Why is this? I can only assume it's because that's the air I give off - and that my happiness with my own style seeps around me like an aura.

I'll admit that this can be influenced by where you live or what audience is regularly exposed to your style. If you're in high school, for example, where kids are naturally cruel and looking for wounded-doe-type girls, you'll have a harder time. Their negative energy makes it harder for your positive energy to get through. The two forces are pushing on each other. I didn't learn these things until I was out of high school, myself. I wore all my clothes too big and tried to wear a lot of black and big boots to look 'tough' because I was sure people would find out that I was really more of a poofy princess, and then I'd be in trouble. I figured my real self - that liked glitter and fairies - was too vulnerable to be exposed to such a harsh environment. I spent a lot of time being angry or scared or both. Angry that I was being treated like that and scared of getting more ill-treatment (being beaten up, made fun of, having my car vandalized, sweared at). But trying to protect myself was doing two things: it wasn't making me happy; and it was making me even more vulnerable. People knew that I considered myself an easy target. Now, I just am happy living my own sense of self. That speaks much louder than what you have on.

So when you go out in Lolita, you may get cat calls, questions, or rude comments. You are, after all, disrupting their nap through life, and that makes people Cranky. But if you embrace the experience with strength and positive energy, you won't just make yourself happy. You might even make them see they'd like to be happy with themselves, too.

I recommend two articles by my favorite fashion fairy princess, Gala Darling (who says all of these things better than I can):

How To Be Confident
How To Avoid Creepers

Labels: culture, discussion, inspirational

9 Comments:

At March 11, 2009 at 3:50 PM , Anonymous said...: A friend of me bought an Eeyore rucksack and said "for a moment I forgot how old I am" XD i think this is the right attitute. you don't have to fulfill other people's speculations, you should try happy with yourself, not matter what it is.
At March 11, 2009 at 5:34 PM , ra_life said...: I'm all about wearing what you want and I think what you say about having confidence in yourself is spot on; but I think its important to remember that sometimes you should fulfill other people's expectations - there are occasions when 'it's not all about you'. Like 'should I wear Lolita for the first time to my sister's wedding?' er, no.

I'm really enjoying your blog by the way.
At March 11, 2009 at 7:58 PM , Cassandra James said...: Great post! One thing that really got me about the other girl's post is how her friends were saying all of those terrible things. If someone is really a friend they should accept what makes you happy and make an effort to support you, not make you feel insecure and guilty.
I'm reminded of being at a college dance with my boyfriend at the time and wanting to dance with him. He said no because 'everyone would be looking at him.' He was very insecure and no matter what I said he wouldn't dance with me, he could not tear himself away from the ludicrous assumption that if he started dancing everyone would suddenly turn and look at him and make fun of him. He didn't even consider that they were too busy having fun and doing their own thing.

I guess some people just aren't brave enough to have fun and be themselves in public which is a shame.
At March 11, 2009 at 8:24 PM , Anonymous said...: I rarely get negative comments anymore (I used to get a lot in high school, along with being spit at, having things thrown at me, etc.), but when I do, I tend to show that it doesn't bother me and instead make a joke out of it. When someone yelled at me "Hey, Little Bo Peep, where's your sheep?" I just yelled right back at him "I lost them, didn't you hear?" He looked stunned and walked away.

Obviously, I wouldn't do that sort of thing if I felt I were any sort of danger, but I also know where and when it is appropriate to wear loli/when and were to be as a young woman as to not offend anyone or not to put myself in danger. I don't go walking through the bad parts of town late at night by myself dressed in loli or anything, of course.

I learned long ago to just be myself and have fun and not let people who are upset when their world is somehow turned upside down whenever they see a girl in a petticoat bother me. :D

(By the way, this is Musouka_Ningyou... it won't let me post for some reason with my LJ.)
At March 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM , Victoria Suzanne said...: @ra: Oh, there is definitely a time to consider your impact on others, such as weddings and funerals. This article is mostly a day-to-day situation :)

@duplica: Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves! Just make yourself happy :)

@Cassandra: When I first started dressing a friend of mine said she wouldn't be seen with me. But that was her own insecurities, so I just didn't worry about it. If her friends don't like how she dresses, then she should just go her own way, with or without them!

@Musouka_Ningyou: Common sense is always something to employ no matter what you have on, but so long as you're being safe, you should be allowed to dress how you want! That's such a shame that you've had such problems as spitting and throwing, however. Most people in my area wouldn't dare!
At March 13, 2009 at 3:37 PM , Anonymous said...: Totally in agreeance here. When I dress lolita out in public, I just assume people are going to stop and stare, so I've just got to get in the frame of mind to really rock the look. In the end, I get more positive comments than negatives ones.

I live in San Francisco which is a little more open to alternative fashions but we have just as much fashion drugery as any other place too. People will notice but not as inclined to stare unless they're from out of town :)

Still, sometimes I just feel blah and wouldn't want to wear lolita in public 'cause I couldn't rock it as much as I would and wouldn't be able to brush off negative comments as easily.
At March 13, 2009 at 8:29 PM , Anonymous said...: I just stumbled upon this blog today, it's wonderful! I really enjoyed reading this piece and the issue of other people's reactions to lolita resonates with me a lot. I'm usually quite shy in person and am wary of the negative attention that wearing lolita can bring, but I'm trying not to let it bother me too much and have even been wearing loli things to work. (I get some strange looks there sometimes, but that's nothing compared to some of the people who've commented. It's unbelievable how some people assault others just because of how they're dressed!) Anyway, thanks for this post!

(BTW, I *think* you might've been my secret santa at Christmastime, so thank you so much for the lovely gifts! If it wasn't you, well, this is kind of awkward then... XD )
At October 10, 2009 at 10:30 PM , Lessie said...: i love you for this,
i've been called, probably all the fairy tales and more..maru poppins, laura engals..and the list goes on.
but i dont care you know,
cause we are a fail in the system, that tells you you need to follow some rules, and we brake them. and if you are wearing pink, that confuse people since they cant label you, if you wear black, you are scene, emo or gothic. a weirdo, but with a name.

im proud of being what i am, a lolita♥
At December 9, 2009 at 12:34 PM , Anonymous said...: "You are, after all, disrupting their nap through life, and that makes people CRANKY."
hahahahahah! I love this! It's very true. Thanks for writing this article.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Must My Public Be So Tiresome

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