Lolita Charm: How Old Are You, Lolita-chan?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

How Old Are You, Lolita-chan?

A candid taken on Harajuku bridge.

Alternatively titled: How Young is Too Young; Blogging from the Cradle Up; Butthurt: Not Part of Raising Your Child; and As If Being 13 Wasn't Enough.

I've been toying with this article idea for some time and having thumbed into an article of my local newspaper this morning, was finally motivated to write it. The article was about 'young fashion blog[girls]' and specifically detailed the miniature tragic adventure of a 12-year-old fashionista in her corner of the playground of cyberspace. To sum up, the girl enjoyed posting photos of herself in tag-sale pumps and saran-wrap stoles spray painted silver, all while posing in 'sets' she had designed with old newspaper. To quote, 'posts photos of herself wielding a toilet plunger, posing a room covered with newsprint and wearing a paint-splattered tutu inspired by Dolce & Gabbana's spring 2008 collection'.

The article continues on to say she had received a lot of negative press (the above, in my opinion, is indicative) and spent a week or so crying in the night in her parents' bed. As we on the Interwebz say, butthurt!

The whole thing smacks entirely of Lolita international culture. So I thought I would combine them into one topic, as my point for both is the same.

A lot of Lolitas seem to be younger these days, or so it seems to me (am I getting old, maybe?) There has been a small population boom - or at least, I know there to be a lot more than when I first started at seventeen - in the areas of 13 to 15-year-old Lolitas. They're wondering about not only high school but junior high, while plenty of their compatriots are in college or already graduated. Some of these girls could be the parents of another! Talk about a wide demographic! There is a big stretch between the thirteen-year-old Lolita, who probably still has and maybe fits into the dresses of her childhood - and the twenty-five-year-old Lolita, with a full-time job and a closet stuffed with nostalgia-laden brand.

Is this such a bad thing? There are oodles of good points to Lolita, and plenty of good morals attached to it. Modesty, an appreciation of beauty, aren't these all things young girls growing up should live by? Certainly. But Lolita is more than that, unfortunately. Lolita has its cattiness, its rigidity, its social structure and hierarchy and guidelines. It has a materialistic slant, and half of the game is won by having the money on hand to furnish such an extravagant hobby. It has a fairly definite color palette, and a long collection of do's and don'ts.

The key to remember about these young Lolitas is that they are young. Self-explanatory? Think back to yourself at age thirteen or twelve. You really were barely more than a kid, still learning and exploring and developing. Possibly playing with multiple personas as well, from tough to cheerleader, sometimes switching more often than changing your socks. And above all, you were probably extremely impressionable. Let's admit it: you could easily end up copying your best friend's style down to the letter. I'm still impressed to find old notes written from my best friend and I and see that they are the exact same style and handwriting.

This isn't the time to be worrying if you fit into the rules of Lolita. Avoiding, say, polka dots because they're 'too spank' or wearing oodles of pink because it's 'in season'. Experimentation is what should be going on here, the finger painting of the fashion world. You can work on the masterpieces later.

On a similar note is the fact of the Internet. Take all of the above about Lolita into consideration and then add to it a hefty helping of considerably older, more experienced and sometimes anger-management-worthy Lolitas. And they're all interested in what You Are Wearing. As elementary school wasn't bad enough in that area. The Internet Lolita community is not a place for twelve and thirteen-year-old Lolitas. The older Lolitas are not functioning as their parents, and they are not there to indulge them in compliments. This is unfortunately the real world, where not everyone will like you. And to many sheltered kids, this can be a shock. Our previously reported little blogger spent several nights crying in her parents' bed after a few critiques of her blog. One woman even accused her of not being twelve, which I assume means she thought it was an adult being stupid for laughs.

I believe, in the case of the blogger, it comes down to her parents. At that age, they are still kids. Her father confessed that not only had he never looked at her blog, he wasn't even quite sure what a blog was. [This quickly led to the slippery slope of 'bad Internet, bad parents!' but we'll skip that portion for now]. The problem is that these parents should be watching what their kids are ingesting and absorbing, whether that is catty girls' remarks or ropes of pearls. Because all of these things impress into an adolescence and then into a person. And as said, the other Lolitas or other Internet denizens are not there to babysit and play 'It Takes a Village'. They may not be helpful or even remotely nice, and they sure as hell are a bunch of strangers. Who you have essentially left in a virtual room somewhere with your child. To clarify: we're not villains, but we're also not nannies. Supervise your child in public forums.

And Lolita is the same. I won't touch on the notion of, why does your child want to recapture her childhood when she is still in it, psychobabble, Freud blah blah, because that, my dears, is a whole other article, but - it is something to think about. Why does your child seek Lolita? Sure, it is cute to see little Lolitas. But is it emotionally healthy? Can they keep up with what is a rough pack? And is trying, succeeding, or failing to do so good for their emotional development?

It's a hard, cold world for Lolita-chan. Most of us are trying to come in from the cold, and wrap ourselves in furs and laces. The sadder part is seeing the smallest ones reach for it too young.

Labels: discussion

27 Comments:

At September 8, 2008 at 12:05 AM , Megs said...: I wish I could show this article to all of the parents of the new baby-lolitas. It really seems like it should be required reading for the younger crowd's guardians. You bring up some very good points. I have always sort of wondered why there are twelve year-olds getting into lolita. Not only is it expensive (too expensive if you are unable to fund even part of it on your own!), but they are still small enough to be able to slip into their "kiddie" dresses--or buy cheaper alternatives to brand.

And, honestly, I don't think that middle school aged kids need to be becoming so involved in something so internet-based. It's one thing when we are all older, friends go off to college, we move out away from our parents--the internet is how we keep in touch. But when everyone is right there by you--why the need?

(blaaah...sorry for the rambling!)
At September 8, 2008 at 5:05 AM , Anonymous said...: I was always convinced, that if a young teenager wants to dress Lolita, she should (although brand dresses are probably too expensive if she's still growing - but if she still fits children's sizes it's easier to find alternatives). But it is much likelier for her to change her style again and of course, she is much more vulnerable. I think every young girl getting into Lolita should get a warning, that criticism might not come coated in sugar in this community. If someone posts online, I usually expect that person to be ready for honest criticism - or it's their own fault for posting. But if I think of myself at 12, I'm not sure how I would have reacted if criticised like that.
Btw I think you should post this article to egl too ;)
At September 8, 2008 at 10:22 AM , Anonymous said...: How is it bad for kids to dress like kids? XD Isn't that what a large piece of lolita is?
At September 8, 2008 at 6:32 PM , Maria ♥ said...: RE: meriel-leriem
Criticism doesn't come sugarcoated in ANY community. There will always be older people or know-it-all-people that want to set newbs straight. Not justifying the actions, just pointing out that it's not lolita specific.

Having that said I don't really think it's strange that younger girls are attracted to the playfulness and cheeriness that lolita brings. The clothes are colourful, exciting and definitely something different than what's sold in mainstream stores. It's just so much fun - and all girls just want to have some fun.
At September 9, 2008 at 8:34 PM , Anonymous said...: I agree with Maria *hugggsss*

If the Goth scene is anything to go buy, definatly, not a lolita-related social-disease. My elder-goth friends at vouch for this, all my friends in the goth/alt scene have always been older than me since I got into the subculture at around 13.
At September 11, 2008 at 11:39 PM , Anonymous said...: I hate seeing this sort of thing. Really, I do. And yes, I know I write in short thought-like particles. I don't care.

It's patronizing and somewhat insulting to call thirteen-year-olds children, babies, whatever. Calling us little isn't appreciated, either.

I never had pretty dresses when I was little, and if I did, I couldn't fit in them anymore, nor would I want to. Those kid's formal dresses and ugly, lacy blouses have virtually no resemblance to Lolita.

Also, it's very different for someone who chronicles and follows high fashion versus Lolita fashion. Lolita, as full of drama and cattiness as it is, is more accepting. And more affordable, as strange as that must sound. Size ten? It isn't the end of the world.

Kids will be forced into rules and unfair social ladders no matter how they dress. They will always be criticized for not wearing trendy cuts, or the wrong colors. It's not really any different. When I was eleven, I read a book called The Clique, and realized exactly what I just said. You can wear weird frilly clothing from Japan, or just last seasons jeans. Either way, you're not going to be praised as much as you wish.

If you're not ready to take unwanted critique, then don't use the internet. Simple as that. I've had a post of mine turn into a wankfest. Did it keep me away from Lolita? No. Would it, if it happened again? No. If you love something, you won't give it up because of idiotic e-drama.

Teenagers don't need babysitters. We don't need Cyber Nanny on our computers. We don't need out parents over our shoulders. This is a time when kids are developing a sense of responsibility, and if they want to post slutty pictures, get stalked, etc, that's they're problem. I had a friend try to elope, and realized for herself it was the wrong choice. She didn't need help to figure that out.

You make it sound like we're small children trying drugs, not soon-to-be independent human beings who found a cute fashion, and ended up loving it. In summary, we're not trying to recapture our childhood, we deal with elitism anyway, and I really, really hate this sense of superiority I'm getting from your post.
At September 12, 2008 at 10:40 AM , Anonymous said...: @ anonymous

First of all, not every 13 year old girl, is "you." if this doesn't apply to you, than fine. But I suspect that some of it does, because you don't realize that she isn't "looking down on you" she's "looking out for you," and there is a big difference in the two.

The fact that you don't realize that children your age -should- have cyber nannies or trackers and other things on their computer is an example of your immaturity. You think that is is alright for children to be on the internet, putting themselves in dangers,by posting obscene pictures of themselves, because "That's their problem?"

It isn't. These girls need to be taught to respect themselves, because men never will if they don't.

You may think that you're all grown up and that these decisions are yours to make, but you've got a long way to go, and your parents have a responsibility to raise you and protect you.

How this plays into fashion depends on how they deal with the price. I have no problem with younger people wearing lolita if their parents are going to teach you how to save up for things that you love through allowance, or saving gift money (christmas/birthday etc.)

But perhaps it isn't so good when they just outright buy you dresses that can cost upward of 300USD. menIt only encourages the entitlement complex that the youth of our nation already suffers from.

When parents do this children don't learn responsibility, dicipline, and the fashion becomes meaningless. For many of us Lolita is a way for us to express our femininty and innocence without turning it into a commodity to attract men. It is a way for us to say "we don't need your attention to feel beautiful" and it is something that we do for ourselves - not others.

And for some of use, the luxurious quality of lolita is an escape from the demands of our real, bill paying lives. Whenever we slip into the dresses, we can pretend that we're spoiled princesses, and we can indulge ourselves in feeling beautiful, and innocent, instead of having to face the grown up world every day.

We've all been where you're at now - and yes, it does seem unfair. But we're just looking out for our younger "sisters" because perhaps a fashion full of catty, nasty girls isn't the best thing to be exposed too.

We don't need anymore bitches in our community, but they'll be happy to groom you into one, and because of your youth, you won't realize it until it's too late.
At October 4, 2008 at 11:03 AM , Dani said...: Having gotten into Lolita at age 15 I can kind of relate to these younger girls. I know that I wasn't open to critcism, even though, like pretty much everyone, I was "doing it wrong" for a while.

I think with the right kind and amount of criticism, these girls may learn and come to grow in the fashion, rather than becoming discouraged, crying, and quitting. So perhaps younger Lolitas could turn out to be a good thing in the years to come. After all, by the time they are as old as a large portion of the Lolitas today, they should have tons of experience.
At October 5, 2008 at 12:32 PM , Stephanie said...: I'm a 16 year old fashion blogger who happens to be mentioned in that article, and the girl you are talking about is a friend of my sister's. I'd just like to clarify that the interviewer from the Associated Press never explained that the article was meant to have such a negative slant against bloggers' ages. She asked a wide variety of questions and never once mentioned internet safety.

As to whether or not it is appropriate for young girls to dress in lolita styles - I've only been an observer, not a participant, of the lolita community for a few months now, but I think there shouldn't be a problem with young girls experimenting with their clothes. Regardless of what style they choose to adopt, childhood and the teenage years are a time for experimentation. What's so wrong about picking up a style you enjoy? Kids can be picked on for all types of reasons, and dressing differently from the rest of the crowd can help one to develop self-confidence even earlier than the rest.

Wow that was a long response. I hope it's at least semi-coherent. Great blog, by the way!
At November 22, 2008 at 12:20 PM , Anonymous said...: I really agree to Maria :3
And a bit to that anonymus..
I am just 12 ^w^'
It was quite sad to read this in first, but Mh. I am not really Lolita as of prices and soo, but I am wearing Decora clothes like some months already && yes sometimes people are saying on street strange cmments, but not nasty if reall and looking with biig eyes O_o, but I got many nice words too, much more than "strange" I f I get critiqe I don't become mad, I ever don't hear, well if it's not from Mum or Friends -_-
I think it's Nyappy to wear Decora, Lolita and so, I don't think that it's *becoming big too fast* Will it be better to be Prep girl dressed in Hollister or smnt, who have changed 100 of boyfriends in age of 13?I know some girls like that, I know some Who smoked and talked about dating and diets in age of 11! Well that is growing up too fast I think xD
Well have we know Lolita is childlike fashion, about Childhood and so on, I didn't wear Lolita things and dresses when I were little, My mum did never never dress my in white too, because I wear Reeeal tomboy xD I always get dirty once I did from one lil grape *w* And I like to dress like it now, I must say it looks Very Kawaii too in 12,13 girls not only on bigger ones ♠__♠
But You know very Sweet blog :]

Shinsei - chan. Nyappy o=(>_<)o=
At August 9, 2009 at 7:54 PM , Anonymous said...: While most 13 year olds are quite honestly idiots who type in chat speak or are extremely volitile or confused, I and others like me are quite capable of handling the technicalities. I speak the rest of this for my....I guess you would call them peers.
WE are intellegent and learned people, and have the right to be able to take part in the hobbies we choose. It should be up to the individual whether they want to take heat from the know-it-alls. They can handle it. It's not right to generalize and I find it quite annoying that others are trying to descide for us.
With all respect to my superiors and more learned,
Delano Carson
At August 18, 2009 at 2:12 PM , Anonymous said...: hmmmmmmm. I don't think the problem is young girls wearing lolita like clothes. I think the problem is 1) young girls being on the internet, because face it, the internet was not made for children. It can be dangerous, and as you've pointed out, catty. Even some adults tend to avoid it for those reasons. 2) They are being told to wear it a certain way by people who seem to forget how old these girls are and how they are still developing and coming into their own. I know Lolita has a certain look and aschtetic (and yes, I spelled that wrong, but the correct spelling has flown from my brain) which I have great respect for, but these girls are not going to be able to catch up to all of that. They are going to dabble and have their fun. I see no harm in that.
Also, the lolita style is still developing, sub-styles are beginning to pop up in lots of places, and even some people who consider themselves lolita don't always fit the lolita molds that currently exist.
If I had a daughter, I would rather she dress Lolita then hollywood any day. But I would also not let her have accounts on these sites that were clearly not designed for her such as myspace, facebook, livejournal, etc. In fact, I would try to keep away from the tv and computer, etc. and outside in the sunshine as much as possible (and preferably with barefeet, because that's the only way for children to live).
Cause the truth is, kids don't want to be sexy and hot, or innocent and naive, or anything else the media wants us to believe. They just want to be. I truly believe that if a girl wants to try wearing lolita clothes, she should, but her parents better not be letting her post a bunch of pictures of herself online or talking to random strangers. Let her wear frilly dresses, but keep her away from places that will do nothing but harm her. It's a parents obligation.
At September 3, 2009 at 3:47 PM , Anonymous said...: I myself am young and like the lolita fashion quite a bit. I see where you're coming from but I'm criticized here about most things. Whether it's about clothes, hobbies, or religion it doesn't really matter. If a child thinks about it, who's opinion really matters in high school? People, especially school children, love to criticize anyone who's different then them. That much is obvious. Once accepted some children will slowly stop caring so much. Maybe. I do agree with Black_Cheshire about parents buying the clothes. Whenever I buy something lolita I buy it from my own money I earn from working as anything else I desire. If it's with their own money and they can handle it let them. From a parent's point of view I would think one would rather their child to be wearing modest non revealing clothes rather than slutty clothes 20 year olds would wear to a club. What I'm not really understanding is why you say someone's trying to recapture their childhood when wearing lolita. While it's true for some, for others they just like how it looks and would rather dress lolita.
At September 19, 2009 at 4:59 PM , Natasha said...: I was very sad and offended when reading this. I am 12 years old, and I have been into the lolita fashion for almost a year now. I do own quite a few Bodyline items, and some brand items.
Honestly, I don't think that I am your typical "tweeny bopper" who watched disney channel and is on myspace 24/7. I have to agree that most kids in my school are typical 13 year olds, and they are very annoying and stuck up. All they care about are following tends and staying "coolz". Not all 12 and 13 year olds are the same. I love lolita fashion, and I probably will for a very long time.
This article was very offending to me.
At October 5, 2009 at 8:00 PM , Yume Suzuka said...: Okay, believe it or not I am a 10 year old Lolita and I'm not dumb. This blog is one of the best blogs ever made but this offends me a little bit. I was 7 when I first got into this Lolita trend and I know a lot about it. And the stuff about the dresses being expensive, don't worry Lolita-oneechans, I make my own ^__^. Anyways, you shouldn't be so judgemental on younger lolitas. Let them be Lolitas, its there life!
At October 16, 2009 at 1:42 PM , Anonymous said...: Just to say, I am 12 and I love Lolita fashion.
However, I don't dress it, because there are issues e.g. the price,(even though I have asked my parents for a sewing achine for my birthday) as mentioned in your article. My parents would absoleutly murder me if I posted on egl - my mother was very worried about my internet safety, she didn't let me get MSN until she was convinced it was friends only.
It makes sense about the older Lolitas not being all sugarcoated and sweet. I hate it when kids younger than me start acting all "KOOL INNIT" around me, wearing silly sparkly tops and short skirts and excepting me to shower them with praise. I simply raise an eyebrow and walk away.
I can't wait to leave school and get into college, and do what I want. Recently, most of my friends have been very trying about my style and my personal choices. (thankfully my best friend who I excepted to be the worst because shes a big mainstream fashion fan just shrugged and said If you wanna look that, that's fine, just on;'t except me to be into it.) This blog is very inspiring to me about who to live a Lolita life even without a petticoat and a curling iron :)
At October 17, 2009 at 5:28 PM , Saint said...: I'm sorry to all the kids on here saying they are offended by this article, but you are just proving the author's point. That the kids and pre-teens need to be supervised on the internet because it a difficult place.

I ask all those young ones who felt offended and critised by this article to read it again. The author is not saying "You are too young to wear lolita, take it off, you can't do it, and you can't understand it." She's not saying that at all. She is saying that the lolita world is not as safe of an internet sphere as some people may assume.

The reactions here are quite typical of children. I remember being that age very vididly. There is this paralyzing desire for acceptance; to stand out but be loved for it. Mixed together with the uncertainness of self, and the suddenly rushing hormones, it becomes a very strange time in life.

I thought I was so smart and mature when I was 13. I thought I was an adult and could make my own decisions, but now that I truly am an adult I can look back and see all the mistake I made because I was "grown up enough". How different it really is to be adult and to think you're adult. I'm not being patronizing one bit, it really really feels different, and it's actually a bit frightening.

I had the internet for age 10, and while there was not as much going on for what I was into (anime/manga) at that time, it also meant less dangers. There wasn't LJ and facebook and communities for me to show myself off, and god knows how tempting that would have been to 13 year old me. Me who wanted everyone to look at me and tell me I was acceptable. There's no way 13 year old me could handle critism, I'd be like that 12 year old - crying my eyes out. Every word said to pre-teens is easily mis-interped.

And that's what this article is about, it's about protecting kids from critism in a time when they don't need it and can't accept it.
At October 17, 2009 at 6:14 PM , Yume Suzuka said...: Its okay, I'm not allowed to put my pics on the internet and I know people who make fun of little kids are low-life high school retards who have nothing better to do than pick on the younger and if I were Tavi-chan (the little 12 year old designer you're talking about) I'd just say to myself that I'm way better than what they think I am and just let it slide (And of course take action deleting their rude comments) instead of just crying my butt off. Oh and btw, Victoria Suzanne! You are the greatest blogger who ever lived keep writing more interesting blog entries!!!!! <3333
At November 6, 2009 at 2:50 PM , starrycandyboxx said...: I'm a 12 year-old lolita, and I think that we should be able to wear lolita. I only own some Bodyline clothes and I am hoping to buy an Angelic Pretty dress, and I haven't received any criticism, only compliments. A few people think I'm weird, but it doesn't matter because as long as I think it's cute and I'm happy wearing it it's okay!
i know that there are many stuck-up and retarded kids, but not every 12 or 13 year old is, so i think that if we can handle being criticized or insulted once in a while its okay. :)
At December 6, 2009 at 10:58 PM , qianyiting said...: Speaking as a 14 year old girl myself, I have been saving up and working (shh) for the past 8 years and have now saved around $2300 (without allowance). I am absolutely enamored with Lolita fashion and hope to participate in it in the near future (purchasing an outfit with my own money of course). I agree with the fact that girls around my age are very sensitive and probably don't handle constructive criticism very well (hell, I know I don't). "That dress seems too tight" will be taken as, "You're too fat, you can't do Lolita". "The skirt length is too short" will be responded with, "But I look good so it doesn't matter". Some girls, oh who am I kidding, MOST girls my age will consider Lolita as more of a costume. A way to get attention rather than a fashion movement. I, myself, have been studying the anatomy of Lolita fashion and culture for the past 5 years since being introduced to Malice Mizer and the lovely Mana by my brother. Of course in that time I have never worn a Lolita outfit myself, but instead spent my time researching countless hours on the origin, rules, and misconceptions of the Lolita culture (discovering Visual Kei, steampunk, h.Naoto, guro, Rococo architecture, gyaru, ganguro, and petticoats along the way). I suppose most girls don't do what I did before deciding to take part in Lolita and often end up as ignorant ita-lolis, but I'm trying to represent the minority here. I'm probably not as mature as I think I am but at least I understand that this article would not apply to the current me. Still, if you assume you will be accepted by the Lolita community immediately then you make an ass out of u and me. Immature teen lolis, please don't embarrass all of us.
At March 3, 2010 at 5:32 PM , Hime-chan said...: I am 13 years old, and i am in love with lolita. My parents think it's a little wierd, but they're HAPPY that I'm not like some other girls who try to dress all sexy and stuff. My mom totally approved of it, she likes it that I'm into dresses and skirts, and not jeans because she hates jeans. She says I've become more well-mannered and polite, that I don't yell and curse, and she likes that. Lolita fashion shouldn't be left in a dusty closet until you're 'the right age'.
And i'm not trying to REMEMBER my childhood, I'm trying to CATCH my childhood, I'm want to enjoy my girly life as much as I can, and when I become an old lady, I can be glad that I enjoyed my life to the fullest.
I'm not trying to insult you, and say that your blog entry is bad, but I'm just trying to fight for my own opinion.
At May 26, 2010 at 6:00 PM , Anonymous said...: I am 13, It was interesting to read this article. I feel very touched that Oneesan is worried for us younger lolita's and trying to look out for us. It is true! The net can be a harsh place and if you let it, become a savage hunting ground for the young and impressionable as I know from experience. However I do not think it very fair to put all 13 year olds in the same hat box, so to speak. I understand that the majority of girls my age really are not ready for the sometimes devastatingly critical Loli community, really need to take much more care when blogging, privacy settings,sensoring themselves,posting responsibly,(understanding that you know not who sees those pictures you've just posted of you posing in your new pink teddy-bear print frock!) and understanding that not everyone will like you at all! I think most girls my age are not ready emotionally in the slightest for this.
But the hat box, oh the hat box...
Please do not take offense at this, as none is meant whatsoever!
But, I am 13 as I mentioned before. I have loved loli since I was 10, started using the internet at 8 (which was tooo young! I was cyber stalked etc etc, but learnt so much from this experience that I'm pretty much sorted on this front now)
I think what made me frown the most whilst reading the article was the '12-13 year old lolita are too young to take criticism/flaming' This is often true,as we are at a stage where we are still discovering ourselves and self doubt is so rife that often with many girls a nasty comment may leave one completely down in the dumps. But it is not, I feel always the case! I have had many,many critical comments, hate-mail (from a group of 'jashinist lifestyle lolita' after challenging them about the fact they were breaking their host websites TOS) and have never taken it to heart at all! Back when I was 8, I would've felt icky after such comments from people, but now I'm pretty much flame-proof! (As much as you can ever be, because the truth is: People care what people think, even if only a little, they do.) I have a very strong sense of self. I do what I do, because I want to. I would say I'm a strong lolita. I had 82 comments when I wore lolita on non school uniform day. 23 where openly hostile. But I was not swayed, I kept my head held high, because those people that scorned me did not matter to me, they could not accept me for me therefore they ceased to concern me. And you know, for those 23 that scorned me, the rest's comments really made my day! I am proud to be who I am, and I am a lolita!
Excuse my ramblings.
My main point here is, that it is not entirely fair to say that ALL 12-13 year old lolita are not ready for the community, because some individuals with good self esteem, sense of self purpose and self worth, and the 'Those who are with me are with me, the others are meanies who can, to drop all niceties Go to hell' attitude (though this statement IS very black-and-white there are people who are all shades of gray, inbetween liking you and scorning you)
Also. Why do I wish to wear loli? Firstly, the style is beautiful. Have you not said yourself before 'People wear loli for their own reasons' I wear it, because I find it truly beautiful, and modest,I wish to capture my youth, truly. Something I feel most girls my age with their heels and revealing clothes,hoop earings, lack of modesty and above all self-respect! (Letting boys do all manner of things! And letting themselves be exploited) I've also been wearing loli-esque clothes unknowingly for a long time XD
Faithfully
Hibiku

I rambled Oneesama's! I apologise...And please, I mean no offense at all to any of you, it was very interesting reading your opinions, it's wonderful to have so many different views shared in the one place.

And as a side note: I do not mean to say all girls my age wear heels and let boys exploit them

Thankyou for taking the time to read!
At May 27, 2010 at 3:08 AM , Anonymous said...: I'm 13, and I didn't find the article insulting at all. I think that even though I feel mature that I shouldn't be, say, posting pictures of myself on the net. I also know that the net has some serious dangers, as well as some very insensitive people out there.
I chose to be a Lolita because I love the way it looks and what it stands for (or, at least, what it originally stood for). Like ritorustrawby, I want to capture my youth. I feel like I can express myself in loli. I'll be honest, I've always dressed differently from my peers, and I've often been categorized as "that weird girl with no fashion sense." So, I'm pretty used to snide comments and weird looks. I'm also happy to report that there is always the occasional nice comment, so I know it's not all agony and dispair (sp?).
Enough rambling about that, this is an amazing article and blog. Victoria, your writing style is awesome. Keep up the good work!
At October 23, 2010 at 9:18 PM , Nymph of the Archers said...: This brings up a great point. At 13, I was trying to recover from social isolation (long story...) and was a tad improssionable. Not everyone has my concreat willpower! (which is a hinderence sometimes...)
At November 3, 2010 at 10:12 PM , Jessica said...: Your kidding me right? 13 year olds are "babies"? You don't get anything about 13 year olds! the lolita child-like look is the stuff that looks like clothes that 3-5 year olds would wear and 13 year olds CLEARLY can't fit into! Even the clothes for 3-5 year olds barely resembles lolita at all! The formal dresses are ugly and not anything lolitas would want to be seen in. If you think that 12 and 13 year olds are still running around and "playing" with thier friends than I'm shocked on how much you don't know! 13 year olds are mature and not thinking that this is a "happy" world anymore because lets face it, it's not! Pre teens have to go through a lot! The stress of "popular" girls (bitches) being mean, adults not respecting them, and the struggle of having to push through another terrible day at school. If some pre teens were like me and had to go through tht every day they need some escape, which is lolita. Lolita is such a happy style that it balenced out my sadness and makes me feel happier (it still does). So why SHOULDN'T pre teens be able to wear lolita. It is one of the lolita rules (sort of) that you shouldn't judge other lolitas by age, just maturity. Besides, even if it isn't a lolita rule it still makes you look like a real italoli to disrespect other lolitas.

I'm 15 now and I got into lolita around 11. I was offended by this post becaue I imagened my 11 year old self reading this post and having it crush her lolita dreams. I actually think pre teens should be able to use the internet freely as long as they don't give personal info. The internet is how I found out about lolita, and if I never found lolita who knows what kind of situation I'd be in!
At November 30, 2010 at 1:14 AM , Kiyoko said...: I'm not trying to bash your writings but, you do realize this is one of your least popular articles? people get offended by the "12yr olds shouldn't wear lolita" because many of us ARE 12yr olds.
At June 16, 2011 at 4:17 PM , Lola said...: 13 years olds are a lot more mature than a lot of older people want to believe. Most of us don't need parents looking over our shoulder and asking about every little thing we post online. And lots of teenagers are into lolita, which is good because it's easier to pull off now, and when we're older, if we're still into it, we'll know enough about lolita fashion to be able to pull it off then better than we would if we were just getting into it at age 50. And about recapturing childhood-Most very small children wear jeans and t shirts because they are all into going outside and playing, and don't want to get a time out because they spilled something on the scratchy dress they were made to wear to church. Lolita is like old fashioned childhood, or stereotypical fairytale childhood. I'm 13, and I like Lolita fashion because it's cute. And you don't have to listen to a certain kind of music, like with Goth or Punk. And it makes up for by trans-gender phase when I was 5. And I have a job, so I can buy the clothes myself. And like Kiyoko said, you shouldn't have posted this and not expected people to get offended and write unorganized rants that probably make no sense at all like I probably just did...

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