Lolita Charm: Dos and Don't of Hitting on Lolitas

Friday, April 16, 2010

Dos and Don't of Hitting on Lolitas

Picture it: you're at a crowded club/convention/subway/student center/concert/boutique. You see a girl in quite the lacy dress and big sparkly nails and - oh wow, such luscious and curly hair! And that bow - be still your heart! You walk towards your object of sudden affection and open with...

Don'ts (or, How to Avoid Being Slapped):

I bet I know what your favorite color is!
Hey Alice in Wonderland, check out my rabbit hole!
You look about eight. That's hot.
You look like an anime character!
Damn, girl, you workin' that pink!
Enjoying your costume? (eyebrow wiggles ensue)
I'll be your Candyman!
Do you ever... share guys? (for lolitas in groups of two or more)
Can I eat that off of you? (for girls in sweets patterned dresses)
Do you do bachelor parties?

(note: most of these are REAL pick-up lines my friends and I have experienced in lolita!)

Dos (Or, How to Talk To A Lolita)

Recently a male friend of mine asked how he should talk to a lolita, particularly if he was looking for one with the intent to date her. The lolitas around him (yes, we have quite a few!) all looked back and forth at each other. "Like a normal girl," said one, and then she stopped herself. "Well, that's not entirely true. Be polite. Don't treat her like she's doing anything different. Don't be snide. Don't call it a costume." Those are good guidelines, but here's an expansion: how do you chat up a lolita? Are there any ways to get her attention in a sea of people who bother her? How do you stand out?

Pay Attention to Detail!

Don't: "I like your dress."

Do: "I love the rose pattern, it's very sophisticated."

What's wrong with simply the ice-breaking compliment of 'I like your dress'? Well, it's just too bland. Everyone, from the postal worker to your grandma, has said they like her dress. Show her you're paying attention. By pointing out something smaller like the roses in the print or a specific accessory, you are showing your interest is more than surface-level. Then say what you like about it! Does it sparkle? Is it classy? It shows that you're genuine. (This will also mean that you're avoding the 'Nice shoes...' line. Ideally.)

It's Okay to Be a Little 'Stupid'

Don't: "Why are you dressed like that?"

Do: "Your style is unusual, I really like it. Can you explain it to me?"

She doesn't expect you to know everything about lolita, and it's best not to pretend you do. If you ask her about it, she's usually more than willing to tell you - after all, it's one of her favorite things to talk about! And approach with a sense of humility - lots of people ask her 'what's up with that outfit' and it's easy for her to end up being defensive. If you give her a 'soft ball' question that wants to know more without implying prejudice, she's more likely to talk to you.

Avoid the Obvious

Don't: You like pink?

Do: (see section I)

She knows she likes pink. She is wearing a lot of pink, with pink nails, pink bag, pink hair, pink socks, and pink phone. Stating the obvious will not gain you any points. Head back to section I, Pay Attention to Detail. It may seem like an innocuous ice breaker, but it makes you look less than swift. Instead, ask her about the book in her lap, what music she is listening to, or how she got all those cookies and rhinestones on her phone. Showing an interest in not only her clothes but also any visible hobbies will get a conversation going much faster than asking about her favorite color.

Don't Mention Lolita At All!

Really want bonus points? Pretend you see girls like this all the time and bring up something that has nothing to do with her hair, crazy eyelashes, clothes, or blinged out phone. Ask about the weather, if that's all you can muster, but keep the topic off of how unusual she is. She'll be impressed that you're interested in her for something besides the way she's dressed!

Note: I wanted to include some good pick-up lines for lolitas. And then I realized there aren't any. Boys: pick-up lines are never a good idea. Try to be original, please.

Unless it's the fall from heaven line. I always go for that one! ;)

photo courtesy of tumblr

Labels: boys, humor

20 Comments:

At April 16, 2010 at 5:34 PM , asuka ☆ said...: This is so true!
It's really not very original to tell us we're dressed 'weirdly' or we like Pink... Wow, we never noticed that. ;)
At April 16, 2010 at 5:44 PM , Anonymous said...: "Hey Alice in Wonderland, check out my rabbit hole!" LOL

Those pick up lines were so bad they were hilarious!

Great article, I hope guys keeps these tips in mind!
At April 16, 2010 at 6:30 PM , Hello Naka said...: I'll be your candyman and can i eat that off u made me giggle :p

great and orginal post :)
At April 16, 2010 at 7:04 PM , Victoria said...: Genius! If only some guys could be so smart. :'(
At April 16, 2010 at 7:05 PM , Delano said...: Your new job "LOLITA COMEDIAN!!" I can see it now. XD
At April 16, 2010 at 7:10 PM , Monique said...: So perfect!
Loved your guide and the pick up lines are quite curious! :O
Thanks for the post!
At April 17, 2010 at 1:38 AM , Nana said...: agreed.. =)
At April 17, 2010 at 2:48 AM , Anonymous said...: I am really curious which ones are NOT real! I really hope it is the eight year old one but... the world is full of creepers
At April 17, 2010 at 5:16 AM , ~NiKi~ said...: They are good tips but I really don't mind if someone talks me about lolita. Lolitas are very different from each others but I really liked the "look for the detail" tip. Sooo nice ^^
At April 17, 2010 at 6:17 AM , Anonymous said...: if you didn't read victoria's older articles, the eight year old one is actually a summarized version of one of her experiences....O-O
At April 17, 2010 at 1:48 PM , Unknown said...: "Do: 'I love the rose pattern, it's very sophisticated.'"

Not one to win me over I don't think. You really hit on the best advice out there though, we're just normal girls and should be spoken to like PEOPLE not like aliens. I think I would be really taken aback (in a good way) if a guy just started talking to me about something other than what I was wearing, great advice!
At April 17, 2010 at 5:04 PM , Petite_Berri said...: Another one never to say: "Hey, are we off to see the wizard?"

I was wearing a blue JSK on Friday and was asked this by one of my boyfriend's friends. I swear I wanted to punch someone. >w> And I was called Alice, Dorothy, and/or Cinderella ALL. DAY. LONG.
At April 17, 2010 at 6:35 PM , Victoria Suzanne said...: Yes, the eight-year-old one is real, unfortunately. -_-;;; 1, 3, 6, 7, and 8 are all real experiences!
At April 17, 2010 at 6:38 PM , Anonymous said...: if you don't want a comment on the clothes, don't wear them. If I'm approaching you based on the clothes then that is going to be the focus point at the start of the relationship. Other things can come later. I generally don't understand the rules/lists for dating protocol and such as made by women. Admittedly cheap pick up lines generally suck but in some cases they can be charmingly cute in a dumb sort of way. As for detail, most guys are not going to know anything about anything to do with fashion so their conversation about the clothes will consist mostly of using the subject noun of thing a lot. Like, that thing, those things, the swirly thing, etc. Other guys are not going to be interested in the explanation right away unless they are in the first category of 'why the hell are you dressed like that?' Most will try (and fail) to hide their curiosity for a little while to see if they can figure it out themselves and will avoid asking the why for awhile. Obvious facts are important. Stating the obvious is generally idiotic but it's all apart of the guy trying to figure out the why. In most of those questions, he's confused by seeing something he does not see very often and is trying to start up a conversation with someone who seems extremely out of place. Men also like the sense of accomplishment from solving the mystery ourselves. That's why we love mysteries. It makes us feel good. For the final rebuttal, do you really want to spend time with a guy who treats you like every other girl on the planet? Don't you want to be special even if you aren't looking for a relationship? The lolitas I'm friends with do. Many of you are commenting/complaining about the random men on the street who just are being a pain, this isn't fair as a guy who generally is interested will be more tactful.
At April 17, 2010 at 7:13 PM , Victoria Suzanne said...: @acres-and-acres: I will certainly allow for the fact that many guys will have no idea of what they're looking at or how to articulate that (I hardly expect him to comment on the precise ruffling of the chiffon, for example, unless he's a fashion major), but that doesn't mean he can't attempt something like 'I like your curls' or 'the cherries on your bag'.

The idea is not to be treated like any other girl on the planet, but as a real person rather than a tourist attraction or an animal in a zoo. Lolitas are different, will stand out, and understand that this draws comments. However, we'd still like to be thought of as humans. And as girls, we'd like to know that you're interested in something besides our physical appearance, even that is what fosters the initial attraction.

As for guys who are more interested having a tendency to be more tactful... well, that's debatable. I wouldn't necessarily associate interest with tact, especially in guys looking to talk to a girl for the first time.

I am speaking as lolita and with the experiences of my lolita friends who have been hit on and who gets the second look versus the brush-off, and that's what my article is based on. I am sure there are exceptions to every rule and every situation, so it is highly likely that you've run into different situations.
At April 18, 2010 at 3:43 PM , MandaPlz said...: I can't help but remember this post on EGL.
http://community.livejournal.com/egl/15020322.html?page=1#comments
At April 21, 2010 at 6:27 AM , Anonymous said...: @acres-and-acres: "If I'm approaching you based on the clothes then that is going to be the focus point at the start of the relationship."

This sounds really creepy and slightly fetish. Why would you focus on clothes at the start of a relationship?
At April 22, 2010 at 7:40 AM , Ribbonlicious said...: Nice guide, I like it ^___^
At May 10, 2010 at 1:16 PM , Tiffany Star said...: haha, I enjoyed this.

Oh back in 2004 I dressed up in my first ever lolita dress to my favorite club and danced the night away with my friend who dressed kodona/dandyish. A cute boy came up to me and said, "Wow you look like a girl from one of those gothic and lolita magaines!" Well, almost six years past and we've been together ever since! Although, even with my lucky encounter, I still wouldn't expect most guys in the world to follow every single subculture close enough to know how to get that detailed with their pick up lines. I would have been just as happy if he had said I looked nice! <3
At August 7, 2010 at 9:28 PM , Terryn said...: I must be a rather strange brand of Lolita, but I love it when people tell me I look like Alice/Bo-peep/anime characters~ I KNOW LOLITA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANIME, but i'm a fan of both and getting compliments like that makes me happy. However, if they're not saying it seriously, then it is rather rude.

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Friday, April 16, 2010

Dos and Don't of Hitting on Lolitas

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